Under The Southern Sun
by JenMcDreamy
Summary: AU.Meredith's marriage falls apart before it can even begin. She heads down south to pick up the pieces of her heart, only to find that there's a certain southern boy with electric blue eyes that wants to help her put the pieces back together.  MERDER!
1. Chapter 1: Walking Away

**Chapter One: Walking Away**

Cream colored boxes with perfect bows made of satin atop them, filled the dimly lit dining room. For two weeks, Meredith Grey walked past this very room without so much as a second glance. She ignored the cream colored blur that appeared in the corner of her eye each time she breezed by on her way to the kitchen. She simply would not allow herself to look... because looking would only remind her. And reminding herself was not something that she wanted to do... because reminding meant facing the truth. And facing the truth... would mean acknowledging the heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach. The feeling that had only increased as each second, each minute, each hour, each day passed. So... she just didn't look. For two whole weeks.

This morning was the fifteenth day. And for some reason, on this day, on her way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee... she looked. Today, her pace slowed... her feet stopped... her body turned... she looked. And just like she thought might happen, the dread in the pit of her stomach swelled as her eyes drank in the painful reminder of everything she had lost.

_Has it really been two weeks already?_ she asked herself as she leaned against the door frame and sighed. She shuffled into the room against her will and sank into one of the dining room chairs. She surveyed the room, looking at all of the boxes, all of the gifts that needed to be sent back. A wave of sadness overtook her, immediately followed by a wave of anger.

What was she supposed to do now? For two entire weeks she had done nothing but sleep late and mope around her mother's house in her pajamas. Surely she could not continue to go on like this. Looking around the dining room at all of these gifts, and realizing that the task before her was one she had to do alone, a deep dark depression enveloped her, and it only made her want to run back upstairs and hide under her covers until she grew old, or shriveled up and died. Or both.

She was so engrossed in the feeling of the heaviness encasing her, that she barely heard the soft knock on the dining room door. She looked up to see her mother standing over the threshold, giving her a dreadful look.

"He's here to see you." Her mother announced, her voice laced with bitterness.

Meredith could only stare back at Ellis with a blank expression.

"Should I send him away?" Ellis asked.

Meredith thought about that for a moment. She could turn him away. After all, he was the reason she was feeling so rotten... and alone... and abandoned... and angry. Very, very angry. Plus, he was the reason that she had to send back all of the gifts laid out before her... all by herself, and before she even had the chance to open them, at that!

He had been trying to call her over the past two weeks. She knew it was him every time the phone rang. But her mother, surprisingly and thankfully, refused his calls for her. But now he was here. Standing on her mother's front porch. Obviously he had something important to say to just show up like this. She could send him away, tell him to kiss her ass and take a flying leap. But, really... where was the fun in that?

She straightened herself up in her chair and smoothed out the front of her wrinkled t-shirt.

"Send him in." She stated quietly.

Ellis gave her a questioning look as if she hadn't heard her correctly. Meredith nodded in assurance, and without another word or puzzled look, Ellis walked away, disappearing around the corner as quietly as she had come.

A few moments later, the one man that Meredith could have gone a million years without seeing again, and never having a care in the world about, was now standing in the doorway, his hands shoved firmly into the front pocket of his jeans.

"Hey." He greeted her softly, his eyes not quite meeting hers.

_Coward._

"What in the hell are you doing here?" She asked bitterly as she glared at him.

He sighed as he shifted his weight around. "I, uh... I came to apologize." He replied hesitantly, like he was apologizing for something small and insignificant. His gaze finally meet her icy glare.

"Apologize?" She gaped, her mouth nearly dropping to the floor. "Are you kidding me?!"

"Meredith, I-"

"Don't 'Meredith' me!" She cut him off. "We're supposed to be on our honeymoon right now! We're supposed to be lying on a beach somewhere in Fiji, sunbathing and sipping fruity drinks with pretty little colored umbrellas in them!"

"Meredith, please..." he pleaded, removing one of his hands from his front pocket so he could run it through his hair and wipe a tear from his cheek.

Seeing him cry only infuriated her further. He had no right. He had no right to feel sad or come here and apologize for his actions just so that he could get absolution. He didn't deserve to make himself feel better. Not after everything he had done to her... to them.

**You can cry  
But don't cry for me  
I can't take it no more  
That's the way it must be**

"No!" She shouted. "Do you know what I'm doing?' She asked, her hands balling into fists atop the table as her anger increased.

"I'm sitting in my mother's dining room... in the dark... staring at the gifts that were sent to us from people who were going to attend our wedding last week! Gifts that I now have to return, BY MYSELF, because that wedding never happened!"

"Come on, Meredith!" He shouted. "I'm trying to-"

"Trying to what?" She cut him off again. "Apologize? What, did you suddenly grow a freaking conscience in the past two weeks as you continued to screw the whore that ruined the wedding we never had?"

"I'm not seeing her anymore. I broke it off." He informed her, desperation creeping into his eyes. "I ended it.

"You ended it." She echoed, rolling her eyes at him.

"Yes." He replied softly. "I want a second chance."

"A second chance?" She glared at him in disbelief. "Are you insane?"

"I still love you, Meredith."

Her eyes narrowed as she continued to glare at him. "Maybe you should have thought about that fact _before_ you slept with her." She seethed.

"Please, Meredith..." he begged, "I miss you."

**You can't lie  
Your way back in  
Back in to my heart  
Oooh, I won't let it be broken again**

"You are unbelievable." She said as she shook her head at him. "You want to know something funny?" She asked as she let out a sarcastic chuckle.

"I actually thought that you were different. I thought that you were the 'one'. You really had me fooled didn't you? I was so caught up in you... that I didn't even really see you. The _real_ you. You humiliated me. You humiliated my mother."

**I took a tumble  
I started to stumble  
That's when I fell  
Into a love  
I thought was sent from above  
I was under your spell**

"You ruined this. You ruined _us_. You ruined... everything. And you broke my heart."

A single tear slipped down her cheek as another wave of sadness enveloped her. She looked directly into his eyes, her tear filled eyes peering into his soul. She looked at him really, really good, letting her words sink in. And as she continued to stare at him, a clarity washed over her and she sighed heavily.

**All the things that mattered  
Were broken and shattered  
One by one  
I was so sad  
But now I'm just glad  
That it's over and done**

"I'm sorry." He repeated in a whisper, not knowing what else he could say as he sniffled and blinked back his tears.

"It's too late." She replied, her voice coming out broken and raspy.

"Meredith, please..." He begged yet again.

She shook her head at him. "Get out."

"Mer-"

"Get out." She said again, only firmer this time.

When he didn't budge, she rose from her chair. "GET OUT!" She hollered. "Get out! Get out! Get out!"

His eyes widened at her sudden outburst. The pain and anger in her eyes as she glared at him never failed or faltered. Tears began falling from her eyes in rapid succession and her breathing became shallow. Before she could cross the room, he turned around and surrendered to defeat.

Once he was gone, Meredith stumbled back into her chair and let the sobs that she was holding back finally overtake her.

**There's just one thing  
That I want to say  
I truly loved you  
Now I'm walking away  
Yeah, I truly loved you  
I put no one above you  
But, now I'm walking away**


	2. Chapter 2: A Change

**Chapter Two: A Change**

A change  
A change would do you good  
Would do you good  
A change would do you good  
I think a change  
A change will do you good  
Would do you good  
A change would do you good  
[A Change by Sheryl Crow

"I can't believe that your mother talked you into this." Cristina Yang muttered as she plopped down onto the bed beside Meredith's opened suitcase. A few folded shirts fell out and toppled to the floor, causing Meredith to stop packing and glare at her best friend.

"It's only for the summer." She reminded her, picking up the now unfolded shirts from the floor and tossing them back into her suitcase.

"That's three entire months." Cristina whined. "What am I supposed to do without you for three months?"

"I am sure you will survive." Meredith smirked.

"Of course I'll survive, but it will be so boring at the hospital without you." Cristina frowned. "Who else is going to watch me torture the interns without judgment?"

"I can't be at the hospital right now. You know that. He's going to be there, too. And I just... I need some space. It's too soon. I don't think I could stomach running into him every day. Besides, going away for a while will be a good change for me."

"You suck." Her friend replied dryly.

"You could always come visit me, you know?" She suggested with a shrug.

"Yeah, because abandoning the hospital to join you for a week where mosquitoes are the size of house pets sounds like so much fun."

Meredith giggled. "They're not _that_ big."

"How do you even know that you'll like it down there? This is your _mother's_ sister we're talking about here. Your. Mother." Cristina said slowly.

"I don't know if I'll like it, but I'm determined to be optimistic. And my Aunt Margaret is nothing like my mother. Complete opposite, in fact."

"You know, it's going to be like... 110 degrees down there. You could melt."

Meredith giggled again. "Nice try, but I need some distance... from 'you know who', AND from the city."

"If distance is what you need, then I say you delay your departure for a week, and you and I can turn your would-have-been Fiji honeymoon into a girls-getaway Fiji vacation." Cristina suggested.

"Hmm... that sounds like fun, but I've already settled things with my aunt and she's expecting me tomorrow. She's already arranged for her two sons to fly in from Tennessee and Texas to visit for the weekend."

"You suck." Cristina said again.

"I know." Meredith frowned.

"So, while I'm kicking ass in the OR, you'll be enjoying a hillbilly family reunion?"

"I'm afraid so." Meredith wrinkled her nose and laughed.

"That makes me strangely giddy." Cristina laughed. "You're really taking extreme measures not the run into 'you know who'.

"Hey, whatever works." Meredith stated with a sigh.

"You're going to experience three months without anything medical. I can't believe you're so OK with this."

Meredith shrugged. "It could be the nerve pill and the two glasses of wine I had twenty minutes ago."

"I guess that'll make you OK with anything." Cristina laughed. "Maybe I should ask you again tomorrow."

"You could," Meredith said, "but tomorrow you'll have to wait until my plane lands and the Valium wears off." 


	3. Chapter 3: Where The Blacktop Ends

**Chapter Three: Where The Blacktop Ends **

_**Gonna kick off my shoes  
And run in bare feet  
Where the grass and the dirt and the gravel all meet  
Goin' back to the well  
Gonna visit old friends  
And feed my soul where the blacktop ends  
**_**Where The Blacktop Ends by Keith Urban**

Meredith's plane touched down in Baton Rouge, Louisiana at 5:00 p.m. the next evening. It was a fairly small airport, much smaller than she was used to, so finding baggage claim and retrieving her luggage took no time at all. She hoisted her two suitcases, her hanging bag, and her carry-on onto a luggage cart and began making her way through the airport. She hadn't advanced more than ten yards when she heard her name being called from behind in a slow, southern sounding drawl. She turned around to see her aunt standing a few feet away, beaming at her as her uncle stood beside her with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.

"Aunt Margaret. Uncle Maxwell." Meredith smiled at them as she made her way over to where they stood.

"Goodness gracious, child! Look at you!" Her aunt's smile widened. "You look just like your mother." She said, pulling Meredith into a hug and squeezing her tightly. "Good Lord! You are such a thin little thing. Are they feeding you up there in New York?" She asked.

"Don't squeeze her to death, Meg." Meredith's uncle said from beside the two hugging women.

"Yes, they feed me." Meredith giggled as her aunt released her. "Hey, Uncle Maxwell." She greeted her uncle with a quick hug.

"How you doin', sugar?" Max asked as he smiled down at her sincerely.

"I'm fine." She replied with a sigh.

Meg put her arm around Meredith's shoulder. "Well, it sure is good to have you down here after all these years. I don't think you've been down here since you were twelve!"

"Something like that." Meredith smiled as she and her aunt began walking through the airport together.

"Max, get her luggage cart." Meg said over her shoulder. "Let's get this girl home and get some good old fashioned southern food in that belly of hers."

"Yes, ma'am." Max replied, pushing Meredith's luggage cart behind the two women as Meg rambled off a list of the foods she had waiting for Meredith at home.

It was a good hour drive west towards the small town of Monterey, Louisiana where her aunt and uncle lived. As they passed through small towns and fields of sugarcane and strawberries, Meredith stared out of the backseat window and wondered how her mother, the infamous Ellis Grey, and best neurosurgeon in the country, ever grew up in a place as desolate as this. The fact that her mother even came from a place like this should be written down in the history books as the eighth wonder of the world. Nothing about Ellis Grey was country... or southern. And she had raised Meredith to be a city girl through and through.

"We're here." Meg announced from the front passenger seat as their car turned down a gravel driveway lined with huge oak trees as ancient as the land itself.

Meredith peered out of the backseat window and looked down the gravel driveway past the point where the oak trees stopped. The large antebellum home that she remembered from her childhood still seemed as grand as she remembered, with its white columns rising high and the immaculate landscaping gracing the front lawn.

The house had been built by her great, great grandfather, and passed along through the generations. Her grandfather had inherited the grand home when his brother and only sibling, died suddenly in a car crash. Meredith's mother, Ellis Louise Turner, and her sister, Margaret Ann Turner, were the only children born to her grandparents.

When Ellis was ten and Margaret was fifteen, their mother died of cancer. Ellis, so eager to flee the South for a higher education, left the small town of Monterey exactly one week after her high school graduation, and never looked back. She went to medical school, met a handsome professor named Thatcher Grey, fell in love, got married, and two years later, Meredith was born.

Meredith was only three when her grandfather died. She had never met him before, and his funeral was the only reason that Ellis Grey came back to Monterey, despite the fact that she hadn't spoken to her father in years, and only corresponded to her sister twice a year and on certain holidays.

For the first time in its existence, the antebellum home that had been owned only by Turner men, was now owned by two Turner women. But, Ellis wanted no part of it. She had left the South a long time ago and made a life for herself in the Big Apple. She wanted no ties to this small insignificant town, so she was more than willing to sign over her part of the house to her sister Margaret, who had long since moved into the house with her husband and twin boys, to take care of their ailing father who was suffering with Alzheimers.

Two years after Meredith's grandfather passed away, Ellis and Thatcher divorced. Starting that first summer after the divorce, when she was on the brink of turning five, Ellis began sending Meredith down south to Monterey as soon as school let out in May. Meredith would stay with her aunt and uncle, and two cousins, who were a few years older than her, for the entire summer while her mother toured Europe, speaking at medical conferences and performing surgeries all over the world.

Meredith spent her summers in this big antebellum home, lounging around on the porch swing, or running with her cousins through the sugarcane fields that bordered the property. She even celebrated her birthdays here in late July.

When she reached the age of twelve, Ellis figured that she was old enough to stay in New York and fend for herself. As the years passed by, and Meredith grew older, her memories of the hot Louisiana summer nights began to fade, and she submersed herself in school and the glow of the city lights.

This was the first time she'd been back to the land of easy southern living in eighteen years.


	4. Chapter 4: Footloose & Fancy Free

**Chapter Four: Footloose and Fancy Free**

_**There's nothing that's worth keeping me  
From places I should go  
From happyville to lovingland  
I'm gonna tour from coast to coast  
I'm leaving everything behind  
There's not much that I need  
Cause if I ain't got nothing  
I'm footloose and fancy free**_**  
My Last Dollar by Tim McGraw**

"Do you think she's still breathing?"

"I can't tell. She's got the covers pulled up too high."

"Meredith?"

No answer.

"Meredith?"

No answer.

"Should we result to old methods?"

"I just don't see any other way."

"Let's do it, then."

A few quiet moments slipped by. Nothing but the normal creaking of the old home mixed with the whirring of the ceiling fan above could be heard. Meredith still lay asleep on her stomach, hidden beneath the warm confines of the quilt that covered her from her feet to the very tips of her ears.

Suddenly, the quilt was ripped violently away from her body, the cool air hitting her skin, followed by the feeling of ice cold water splashing against the skin of her legs and arms in little streams. In an instant, she was scrambling to sit up, her arms and legs flailing wildly about as her pillow tumbled to the floor.

"What in the hell!" She screamed, her eyes flying wide open as she tried to sit up.

"WAKE UP!" Screamed two male voices in response, followed by giggles as they pelted her in the face with water.

"Son-of-a-" She spat, covering her face to shield herself from the water guns pointed at her. "I'm going to kill you two!" She yelled as she swung her legs over the side of the bed.

The two boys turned around and took off running downstairs, Meredith fast on their heels.

"Jake! Andy! Get your asses back here!" Meredith yelled as she chased after them.

She chased them through the kitchen and straight out of the screen door leading out to the side porch, passing her aunt who was cooking breakfast at the stove.

"Some things never change." Her aunt mumbled under her breath as she chuckled slightly.

As Meredith descended the porch steps, her bare feet sank into the dewy grass and she was instantly transported back to her childhood, when she used to run through this very property in the early morning while her aunt and uncle watched her from the porch as they drank their morning coffee. She picked up her pace, closing in on Andy and Jake as they crossed the backyard and ran through the garden towards one of the sugarcane fields that grew near the edge of the yard. Meredith advanced forward, the gap closing between her and Jake. She lunged forward, jumping onto Jake's back, her arms encircling his neck as she fought for control of the water gun.

"Give me the gun!" She hollered.

"NO!" Jake laughed, tossing the water gun to Andy.

She jumped off of Jake's back, her bare feet once again sinking into the dewy grass. She stood between her two twin cousins as they began to play keep-a-way with the water guns in their hands.

"I see you're still as slow as ever." Andy teased her, tossing one of the guns back to Jake as he grinned at her.

"Whatever. Ass." She spat, narrowing her eyes at him. "I still managed to catch up with Jake." She said, looking at Jake and sticking her tongue out at him.

"Wow. Such fowl language for a hot shot Yankee doctor." Jake quipped, crinkling his nose at her.

She gave him the finger.

"Ooooh, and such obscene gestures." Andy stated, catching the gun that Jake threw his way. "Did they teach you that in medical school?" He asked with another grin.

"Bite me." She replied, jumping into the air between them and trying to catch one of the guns that went flying above her head.

"I don't think so." Andy grimaced.

"This _is_ the south, right? Aren't you people into the incest thing?" She teased right back with a chuckle.

"Funny." Jake replied. "I can't believe your little Yankee ass actually made it back down this far south. What, did they run out of room for a wild child like you in the Big Apple?"

"I am NOT a wild child." Meredith stated defensively.

Jake and Andy burst into laughter. "There's a busted tractor in a junk yard somewhere nearby that says otherwise." Andy reminded her, reaching out and tugging playfully at her messy ponytail.

Meredith quickly pulled her hair away from his grasp. "That was so not my fault."

"Good to know you still live in denial." Jake laughed, receiving a slap on the arm from Meredith.

"And look at you two!" She said, taking a step back to take in a full view of the grinning twins before her. "Still not married, still older than me, and still playing with water guns!" She laughed.

"We're only three years older that you!" They exclaimed in unison, a gift that Meredith was convinced they received at birth.

"Maybe so, but I'm still in my twenties... and I can still beat you both back to the house!" She yelled before taking off and sprinting towards the back porch.

"Cheater!" The boys yelled in unison once again as they took off after her, all three of their giggles rising with the mist of the early southern morning.


	5. Chapter 5: Twist & Shout

**A/N: I've been out of town for the Thanksgiving holiday and not able to reply to any of your comments/reviews. I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and I really hope you're all enjoying this fic. Currently, I have 43 chapters written and I'm trying to post one chapter a night. On some days, time permitting, of course, I'll be able to post 2 chapters a day until everyone is all caught up.**

**Again, thanks for reading! And your comments make my day!!!**

**Jen**

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**Chapter Five: Twist and Shout**

Saturday night and the moon is out  
I wanna head on over to the Twist and Shout  
Find a two-step partner and a Cajun beat  
When it lifts me up, I'm gonna find my feet  
Out in the middle of a big dance floor  
When I hear that fiddle, wanna beg for more  
Gonna dance to a band from a Lou'sian' tonight  
[Twist and Shout by Mary Chapin Carpenter

Ruby's Room was a fairly sized log cabin-turned-bar nestled between two sugarcane fields just at the edge of town. It was a hot spot in Monterey for the younger crowd, mostly the young adults that stayed home to work on the family farm, instead of leaving Monterey for a higher education. It was also the hangout for the college kids that came home during the summer, and a few older locals, as well as a few teenagers who tried to slip in undetected.

It was also one of the few places that Jake and Andy visited when they came home to visit their parents. They loved the bar for it's hometown atmosphere, and ice cold beer. And then, of course, there was Ruby herself. Ruby was famous for her knock-you-naked margaritas, and her delicious cherry bombs, which were cherries soaked in jars of Everclear. Everyone loved Ruby, and her bar, because Ruby knew how to throw a party with a kick ass band, and her bar was packed nearly every night during the summer months.

Tonight, the place was rockin', as obvious by the crowded parking lot, and the music pumping through the walls and filtering out into the night. Meredith thought they'd never get here, and was almost convinced that Jake and Andy were taking her somewhere to kill her off, rather than taking her out for drinks to kill some time. She was just about to voice her concerns when Jake whipped his car into the crowded gravel parking lot.

Meredith stepped into the bar, flanked by Jake and Andy on each side. A smoky haze drifted through the air, picking up the rays from the neon bar signs that hung behind the bar that took up the entire length of the left side of the room. The right side of the bar was lined with booths, and between the booths and the bar, sat a few round tables that were all occupied. Behind the round tables, towards the back of the bar, was the dance floor and a stage, where a band was currently belting out country tunes and two-stepping music like 'Brown Eyed Girl' and 'Lay Down Sally'.

Jake nudged Meredith and motioned to an empty booth. Once seated, Andy took their drink orders and made his way to the bar. Jake sat across from Meredith, laughing at her expression as she eyed her surroundings.

"Different from those city bars you're used to, huh?" He smirked.

Meredith shrugged and sighed a little, giving him a small smile. "The music is different, and the people are dressed more casually than I'm used to at a bar, but... everyone's still just as drunk."

Jake laughed, "Just wait 'til we get you out on that dance floor."

"Oh, no. I'm not getting 'out on that dance floor'," She informed him matter-of-factly.

"Oh, yes ma'am." Andy interjected, appearing next to the booth with drinks in hand. He passed out the beer bottles, and accompanied each of them with a shot of tequila.

Meredith held her finger up to both of them. "I am NOT getting on the dance floor." She repeated.

"Everyone who comes to Ruby's dances." Jake grinned.

Andy nodded, "And that includes hot shot Yankee doctors, like yourself, who think they are too good to dance." He held up his shot glass, gesturing for Meredith and Jake to follow suit.

"I never said I was too good to dance. And what's with all of this 'hot shot Yankee doctor' business?" She asked with a frown.

"Just take your shot." Andy instructed her as he knocked his back without a flinch.

Meredith and Jake took their shots, neither of them flinching as the alcohol burned a path down their throats.

"I don't care how much I drink. I'm still not getting on the dance floor." She repeated, taking a sip of beer.

Oh, but she lied. Because four more beers, and three more shots of tequila later, Meredith was out on that dance floor with Jake and Andy as they taught her how to two-step and do a few line dances. And she was enjoying every minute of it. She was even laughing.

And yeah... it was half past midnight. And yeah... she was half past drunk. But, right now, she didn't really care. Because it felt good just to be a part of society again. Granted, it was a slow, lazy, two-stepping, beer drinking society, but it was a society nonetheless. It sure did beat the hell out of hibernating in her mother's house for almost three weeks, clad in ratty pajamas as she ate ice cream out of the container and watched medical shows on cable t.v. This was so much better than that.

So, as the alcohol pumped through her veins, and the flashing colored lights flickered all around her... she danced, and smiled, and she lived in the moment. And she was laughing.


	6. Chapter 6: I Love This Bar

**I think this may be the chapter you all were waiting for!!!**

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**Chapter Six: I Love This Bar**

I love this bar  
It's my kind of place  
Just walkin' through the front door  
Puts a big smile on my face  
It ain't too far  
Come as you are  
Mmmm, I love this bar  
I Love This Bar by Toby Keith

Derek Shepherd considered himself to be a simple man who liked the simple things in life. A good, strong cup of coffee, an early morning fish with the mist still hovering above the lake, the wind whipping through his hair when he rode the ferry, an ice cold beer or glass of scotch at the end of a long day. The latter of which was the reason he was here tonight, in his favorite bar, having a few drinks served by his favorite bartender.

He usually never came here on a Saturday night, but an emergency at the hospital last night had kept him away from his usual Friday night wind-down. He really could have used a few drinks last night after the hectic week he'd had, but he figured a Saturday night was just as good as Friday. So, here he was.

He had every intention to stay planted in his barstool and drink a few beers, or a glass of scotch or two, while he repeatedly, but very politely, turned down the drink and dance offers from the women that usually bellied up to the bar and flirted with him. It wasn't that he was a loner or anything. On the contrary, he was actually quite the ladies man. Of course, he wasn't anywhere near his best friend Mark when it came to hooking up and taking a girl home. But, he did get his fair share of women. Tonight, though, was a night he'd just rather sit and drink and not worry about which woman he was going to score and take home.

But, as luck would have it, Mark had shown up with two other friends in tow, and spotted Derek happily drinking in his own quiet beer-flowing corner. He had spotted him and literally dragged him out of his barstool and over to one of the high-top tables that bordered along the dance floor; the very crowded, very loud dance floor. The complete opposite of the way Derek wanted to spend his night.

The music blared, the sounds of the electric guitar and the hard thumping of the bass reverberating and vibrating in his ears until it tickled his ear drums. He sat for what seemed like hours, the lights above flashing in different colors all around him, making him feel a little more intoxicated that he probably was. He stood from his seat, deciding to head to the bathroom while the waitress headed back to the bar for another round for their table.

He swayed a little when he stood. _OK, maybe it's more than just the lights_, he thought to himself as he pushed his way through the crowd and began counting how many beers he'd had. He lost count after five. He really hadn't intended to drink anymore than three, but he always found himself drinking way more than that anytime Mark was around.

Mark had always been sort of a bad influence on Derek ever since the first day they had met in middle school. They had met on the first day of sixth grade over an incident involving scotch tape and the teacher's chalk. It was really all Mark's fault and Derek had been merely in the wrong place at the wrong time. He remembers like it was yesterday, the fear rising from the pit of his stomach to the back of his throat when the teacher walked in and he and Mark were the only two in the room. It happened right after lunch, when Derek came in to place his lunch box back into his school bag and had seen what Mark had done. Before he could react, Mrs. Neilson had walked in and the fear began to swell rapidly.

Mark was a new student, a new kid in town, and he looked so afraid, even when he knew he was the culprit and knew right from wrong. Derek didn't have the heart to let him take the fall alone, because... well, that was the kind of person Derek was, even from a young age. They were both sent to detention for an entire week. After that fateful day, they were inseparable. The dynamic duo. Two peas in a pod. Best friends. Brothers.

Derek stepped into the men's room. The door shut behind him, the loud music now muted into a thumping noise. He sighed at the instant relief given to his ear drums. Why did Mark always have to sit so close to the music? After relieving himself and washing his hands, he opened the door and was immediately hit by the loud beats once again. He pushed his way back through the crowd towards the table where Mark and a few other friends still sat, ogling at the women who swayed their hips on the dance floor. He shook his head, chuckling to himself as he approached the table and inched closer to the four ogling men. He was just about to nudge Mark back to reality so he could tell him that he was calling it a night, when he heard it.

Laughter. It poured over the music, spilling into his ears and drowning out all other sounds as it eased the tickling in his ear drums. It was a girlish, sweet giggle, rolling out easily and creating its own music, a melody that soothed and lulled him, and called out to him. He found himself standing on the edge of the dance floor, looking... searching for its source.

The laughter faded out before he could find out who it was coming from. And then, just as quickly as it had died down, it rose again, filling his ears with an encore of its sweet melody. Amid the flashing lights, a blur of honey-blonde appeared, waves of silk-like strands spread out into the air as she spun on the dance floor. Someone caught her hand again, pulling her back like a wave receding from the sand. She was sucked back into the middle of the darkened dance floor, her laughter still lingering. He lost sight of her for a moment, but then she was spinning back towards him again, laughing even more.

It happened so fast that he was caught off guard. One moment she was spinning towards him, and then in the very next moment, the song changed pace and whoever had her hand let her go and she spun uncontrollably... right into Derek's arms. He looked down, catching her right as she started to topple over. Her laughter stopped and she stared up at him with the most enchanting pair of blue-green eyes he'd ever seen. 


	7. Chapter 7: I Just Want To Dance With You

**Chapter Seven: I Just Want To Dance With You**

_**I caught you lookin' at me when I looked at you,  
Yes I did, ain't that true?  
You won't get embarrassed by the things I do,  
I just want to dance with you.  
Oh the boys are playin' softly and the girls are too,  
So am I and so are you.  
If this was a movie, we'd be right on cue,  
I just want to dance with you.  
**_**I Just Want To Dance With You by George Strait**

A muffled sound, something sounding like a mixture between 'oh' and 'umph' escaped her mouth the moment her body collided with his. Meredith looked up into a pair of electric blue eyes and she could feel the flush instantly appearing across her cheeks. His arms were wrapped solidly around her tiny waist, and although he was a stranger, his arms seemed to fit around her perfectly. They stared at each other for a moment, neither of them knowing what to do at being thrown into such a surprised embrace.

She opened and closed her mouth a few times, her mind suddenly at a loss for words. As she fumbled with an embarrassed apology, crinkles formed in the corners of his eyes and his lips curled into an amused smile.

"You know," he began with a slight smirk, "if you wanted to dance with me, all you had to do was ask."

He was smiling down at her. And teasing her. And, although she had no idea who this man was that was embracing her on this crowded dance floor, she found him a bit charming. And really good looking.

Her cheeks flushed again, but she recovered quickly. Having consumed just enough alcohol to push her slight embarrassment aside, she looked up at him, smiled flirtatiously, and countered with...

"I never usually ask for what I want. I just take it."

His smirk widened into a full-on grin, his eyes full of amusement. "Are you always this straight forward?" He asked with a chuckle as he began to sway her to the slow beat of the music.

"Only when I've had too many drinks." She admitted truthfully, smiling and looking up into his eyes as her arms wound their way around his neck.

"Well, in that case, remind me to buy you another drink when this song is over." He replied in a low voice.

There was that laugh again. That sweet, girlish giggle. It poured over the music and filled his ears, only this time it was much sweeter, because it came with a pair of amazing blue-green eyes, and a smile that was presently making him melt. They moved together slowly, both of them laughing a little as they swayed together. A small silence fell between them until he looked back into her eyes and smiled again.

"So," he began, "since we're already dancing, and you're being so straight forward and all, maybe we should exchange names?"

Another giggle escaped her lips. "That seems fair enough." She replied. "I'm Meredith."

"Meredith." He stated, his lips curling into another smile. He liked the way her name sounded when he said it. _Meredith._ It was beautiful.

He pulled her a little closer.

"So, aren't you going to tell me yours?"

"My what?" He asked with a puzzled look.

"Your name." She giggled again. She seemed to be giggling a lot at this stranger. Maybe it was all of the alcohol.

"Oh, right." He laughed. "Sorry. It's Derek. My name is Derek."

_Real smooth, moron! Way to stay in the conversation. What is wrong with you?_

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Derek." She replied with a smile and a brilliant twinkle in her eyes.

"You, too, Meredith." He smiled.

_Maybe that's why I'm finding it hard to stay in the conversation. It's her eyes. I just... get lost in them._

"You're not from around here, are you?" He asked, trying to focus more on his words, rather than just staring at her so intensely.

"Nope. You caught me. I've never been here before." She replied. She leaned up a little and smirked at him. "It's my first time." She whispered, a hint of playfulness in her eyes.

He pulled back slightly, his mouth ajar with a mock shocked expression on his face. But, then his face grew serious and he leaned down, his lips dangerously close to her ear.

"Don't worry," He whispered. "I'll be gentle with you. I promise."

She could feel her body shiver as his hot breath tickled the skin of her ear. She silently prayed that he couldn't feel it, too. His cologne wafted over her and mixed with the clean fabric softener-like smell of his shirt. She gently pressed her nose against his shoulder and breathed in his scent right before he pulled away from her and laughed at the way they were teasing each other. She forced a laugh through her slight dizziness.

_What is wrong with me? I have got to stop drinking. I'm cutting myself off. No more tequila. I'm turning into giggly-flirty girl. But, isn't that better than mopey-depressed girl?_

She assumed it was, but at any rate, she needed to stop herself now. It had been a long time since she had done the flirty-drunk-bar-girl thing. She abandoned that Meredith a very long time ago, and she wasn't about to let a failed, almost wedding... and a sudden, crushing heartbreak turn her back into that girl again. Nope. This Meredith was going to be single, responsible, and lady-like. Well, somewhat lady-like. She did just tell this stranger... this handsome, good-looking, amazing, blue-eyed Derek person, that she wanted him. That was not very lady-like. She _had_ been joking. And they were obviously teasing each other. But, still... not lady-like. So, no more tequila.

"Where are you from?" He asked, peering down at her as they continued to dance.

"New York." She replied.

"You're a very long way from home, Meredith." He watched the reflection of the colored lights change from red to yellow across her face.

She nodded silently, a slight sadness appearing in her eyes, although a small smile graced her lips. The colors across her face changed from yellow to green, bringing out the vibrant green flecks of her eyes. Derek's breath hitched in his throat at her remarkable beauty, and he found himself gazing at her and never wanting to stop.

"So, what brings you down this far south?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

She looked up at him, his blue eyes calm and inquisitive. He wasn't prying. He was just making conversation. There was no hidden agenda behind his striking features and his smooth voice. But, that one question alone struck a nerve in Meredith. She swallowed the lump in her throat and her slow movements ceased.

"The music." She whispered.

"The music? You came down here for the music?" He asked, his expression a mixture of confusion and amusement.

"No, I mean... the music. It stopped." She replied.

And it was then that Derek realized that a more up-tempo song was now playing. His arms were still wrapped securely around her waist, and as he surveyed the dance floor, he noticed that they were the only two still fused together. Everyone else had already picked up their pace to match the new beats coming form the band a few feet away. How did they not notice that?

"Well, it appears that it has." He replied, his arms releasing her slowly.

Over his shoulder, Meredith could see Jake and Andy standing near the bar. Jake caught her eye and motioned for her to join them. He held up a shot of tequila in the air for her viewing pleasure.

_Yeah, because I really need that._

She nodded to Jake and then turned her attention back to Derek, who was still standing before her, staring at her with those electric blue eyes of his. She gave him a playful smile.

"Thanks for the dance, Derek."

"Any time." He replied softly with a knee-melting smile.

"It was nice meeting you." She stated, her smile now accompanied by another one of her sweet, girlish giggles.

"The pleasure was all mine." He said in a low, sexy voice as he took her hand in his and brushed his lips against her knuckles with a light kiss.

She blushed a million shades of red as she smiled shyly. He released her hand slowly and she brushed past him, heading towards the bar where Jake and Any stood.

_Maybe I'll take that shot after all_, she thought to herself as she tried to control the blush on her cheeks.

Derek stood at the edge of the dance floor, watching as she pushed towards the crowd and approached the bar. She took a shot of tequila and then exchanged a few words with a couple of guys who stood next to the bar. Derek recognized them as the Turner twins, who went to high school with him. He hoped that maybe Meredith was just a friend, but his hopes were shattered when Andy draped his arm around her shoulder and the two boys escorted her out of the bar. Sighing to himself, Derek shuffled across the room and rejoined Mark, who was standing next to the high-top table, trying to score another number.


	8. Chapter 8: Down On The Farm

**Chapter Eight: Down On The Farm**

_**Every Friday night there's a steady cloud of dust  
That leads back to a field full of pickup trucks  
Got old Hank cranking way up load  
Got cooler in the back  
Tailgates down  
There's a big fire burnin', but don't be alarmed  
It's just country boys and girls gettin' down on the farm**_**  
Down On The Farm by Tim McGraw**

This was a mistake.

A big mistake.

Huge. Freaking. Mistake.

She had been driving for what felt like an hour, but apparently, by the clock on the dashboard of Jake's old beat up convertible mustang, it had really only been fifteen minutes. She thought about turning around half-way to her destination, but the problem was that Meredith didn't know where half-way was. Judging by the crumbled up piece of paper in her right hand, she was... in the middle of freaking nowhere. And it was growing darker by the second. Lost. She was definitely lost. Nobody in their right mind built a bar this far out in the boon docks.

She was so freaking lost.

She followed the winding dirt road lined with pine trees as it curved to the left. And then she saw it. The large brown building rose magnificently into the air. White puffy clouds sprinkled against the pink sky behind it as the sun dipped lower on the horizon. She slowed the car, her mouth slightly ajar as realization sunk in. She was not expecting this.

Two days ago, when she had gone to the grocery store in search of junk food to store in her aunt's pantry, her intentions were to grab some food quickly and head back to her aunt's house in time to devour some of her aunt's famous homemade chocolate chip cookies while they were still warm and fresh out of the oven. She was just about done, only needing to grab a few bags of her favorite potato chips before heading to the check-out line, when she was approached by a woman around her age, named Molly, who she vaguely remembered meeting last Saturday while she was out with Jake and Andy. Conversation ensued, and Molly was so kind about offering to show Meredith around town, that she found herself smiling, and nodding, and agreeing happily as Molly invited her out to 'the barn' for a little party. She even stood idly by while Molly jotted down a few directions and drew a makeshift map.

She almost decided not to come tonight. In fact, she had sat on the front porch swing for about an hour this morning, weighing her options. On one hand, she could go to the party, on the other hand, she could spend another night sitting on the very porch she sat on, staring out into the night and listening to the chorus of the crickets as they rubbed their little legs together. Party? Crickets? Party? Crickets? Party? Crickets? Eventually, she began to crave a better melody than what the crickets had been providing all week.

But this? This was something Meredith _never_ expected. This was something way out of left field. 'Field' being the operative word. Two days ago, when Molly said a party at 'the barn', Meredith expected to pull up to a bar-type place. Something similar to Ruby's Room, but just a slight bit more on the country side.

But, no, Meredith had just realized. Molly was talking about a real freaking barn. A huge barn. Big. Freaking. Huge. Barn. A barn with like... hay. And stalls. A barn with pastures surrounding it as far as the eye could see. Pastures that had horses. And cows. And other barn-like animals and things. Meredith was attending a party in a freaking barn.

And, what was worse, was that Meredith knew one person here. _Vaguely_ knew one person here. And judging by the many pickup trucks, and jeeps, and other off-road type vehicles parked outside the fence that contained this so called barn, there were lots of other people who were probably really... barn-like.

Big mistake. Huge. Freaking. Mistake.

She should have turned around earlier when she thought she'd been going the wrong way. She could still turn around now, actually. No one knew her, or expected her, really. No one except for Molly, who only knew her vaguely. If someone saw her backing out now, they'd probably just assume that she was lost. This was the middle of freaking nowhere.

She was just about convinced that she should turn around, when a loud banging noise jarred her.

"Meredith!?"

She looked to her left to see Molly standing right outside her window, her cute little girl next door looking face inches from the window as she knocked to get Meredith's attention. Meredith took her hand off of the wheel and offered a small wave.

"Are you coming inside?" Molly asked with a big grin.

Meredith looked back up towards the barn. It's large front double doors were wide open, and so were the back doors. She could see straight through to the other side. _Inside?_

"Uh... yeah." She nodded, turning back to Molly.

She reached down and killed the ignition. Molly waited as Meredith climbed out of the car. The wind picked up and tousled her hair as she slid her tiny frame out from behind the wheel. She brushed a few strands behind her ear and gave Molly a small smile.

"I hope I'm not too late."

"You're actually right on time." Molly smiled back. "I've got to grab some more things out of my car. Would you mind helping me?"

"Sure." Meredith replied.

"Great." She handed Meredith the case of beer she was holding. "If you could just bring this to my brother? He's 'round back, filling the coolers up."

"OK." Meredith said hesitantly as she took the beer from Molly.

"I'm just gonna grab the rest from my car." Molly said.

Before Meredith could ask any questions, like which one, exactly, would be her brother amid all of the other men who were probably 'round back', Molly had turned on her heels, and was already down the gravel path, pulling bags out of the trunk of her car. Meredith sighed and started towards the barn.

She walked up the path that led to the barn, the gravel crunching underneath her sneakers. At least she was smart enough to wear jeans tonight. She figured that any place called 'the barn' would be a casual place. At least she was right about that fact.

She looked up ahead to the opened double doors of the barn. She could see a few people milling about inside, chatting and drinking. Laughter spilled out and mixed with the country tunes pouring out of the stereo system somewhere inside. She really didn't want to barge right in amid of bunch of strangers and parade herself right through. Instead, she opted to take the road less traveled, and walk around the side of the barn to find Molly's brother.

A cherry red jeep parked next to a brand new, black Chevy pickup truck, where the only two vehicles parked behind the barn when Meredith rounded the corner. A tall, buff looking guy stood next to the tailgate of the Chevy, loading a cooler full of beer. Certain that this guy was Molly's brother, Meredith made her way towards him.

About half-way to the truck, she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She stopped and turned towards the direction of the jeep. There was another guy that she hadn't noticed before. He was standing next to the jeep, leaning over the passenger seat and fumbling with something in the middle console. He wasn't as broad as the guy standing next to the truck, but by the way his muscles flexed and moved beneath the black shirt stretched across his arms and back, he definitely worked out. His blue jeans sat perfectly on his hips, accentuating his backside.

Meredith stood there staring, and unconsciously cleared her throat. Whoever it was leaning over that seat heard the strangled noise that came from her throat. He stopped rummaging, and straightening himself out, he turned towards her. Their eyes met and Meredith froze.

_Son-of-a_

"Hi." He greeted her rather awkwardly with a smile.

He began walking towards her and she could see that the surprise in her eyes was mirrored by the surprise in his own. She stared at him blankly for a few moments before shaking her head, trying to get her brain to function and think properly.

"Uh... Molly asked me to carry this." She said, holding up the case of beer. She inwardly kicked herself for not coming up with something better to say at the moment. Stupid. She was really, really stupid.

"You know Molly?" He asked, tilting his head in question.

"Sort of." She replied.

He smiled again, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "I'm Derek-"

"I remember." She blushed, cutting him off.

"Molly's brother." He finished.

"Right." She nodded, her eyes darting towards the ground. She looked back up and smiled a little. "Meredith." She said softly, wondering to herself why she felt so nervous all of a sudden.

"I remember." He replied.

There was that smile again. The one that made her feel dizzy. She giggled a little and he let out a small chuckle of his own, both of them remembering their very first encounter last Saturday night.

"So, how do you know Molly?" He asked.

Her cheeks flushed again. "I met her at Ruby's last Saturday and then ran into her two days ago at the grocery store. She invited me tonight. She's very friendly." She rambled a bit.

"That, she is." He agreed. He averted his eyes away from her, looking over her shoulder as if he were expecting someone to be walking behind her. When he didn't see anyone, he looked back at her with a puzzled expression. "Where's Jake and Andy? Are they not with you tonight?"

"Jake and Andy?" She repeated "No. They both flew back home on Sunday. They were just in for the weekend."

"Oh." He nodded. He didn't seem very satisfied with that answer, because the confused look didn't leave his face. "So, which one is the lucky guy?" He asked with a sly smile.

Now it was Meredith's turn to give him a confused look. "Excuse me?"

"Jake or Andy?" He clarified. "Which one are you dating?"

"Dating? No. I'm not." She covered her mouth to suppress her laughter, but a few giggles rolled out. It took her a few moments to gather herself, and when she uncovered her mouth, she couldn't contain the smile that stretched across her lips. "Jake and Andy are my cousins." She replied, her voice heavy with amusement.

Derek's eyes widened. "Oh. OH! I'm so sorry." He blushed, a huge grin spreading across his face. "I just... I thought... I saw you leave the bar with them, and just figured you were dating one of them." He stuttered.

"No." She replied. She shook her head and they both laughed at the insinuation.

"Sorry." He said again.

"It's OK." She replied.

"Here, let me take that." He took the case of beer from her hands and smiled.

"Thanks." She smiled back.

The other guy near the pickup truck turned around and began making his way to where they stood. Meredith looked up at him and smiled as he made his way over. He stopped when he was next to Derek, and patted him firmly on the shoulder.

"Derek! Hey, man! Is this the date you were telling me about? You said she was good looking, but you didn't say she was smokin' hot!" He belted out with a big grin.

Meredith's eyes widened a bit and she had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing when she saw Derek's face blush ten shades of red. His friend stood there, staring at Meredith and grinning like a fool.

And what a fool he was, apparently, because Derek glared at him and said in a clipped and annoyed tone, "No, Mark. This is Meredith."

He leaned in closer to Mark and angrily whispered under his breath, "She's not my date."

Mark's grin faded. "Sorry." He replied shamefully. He cleared his throat and replaced his foolish grin with a somewhat sheepish smile. He stuck out his hand to Meredith, "I'm Mark. It's nice to meet you... Meredith."

Meredith slipped her hand into his, "It's nice to meet you, too, Mark." She giggled a little as she glanced to Derek, who was giving her a tight-lipped smile.

"I think I need a drink." Mark suddenly announced.

"Me, too." Derek and Meredith replied in unison. They caught each other's gaze and smiled at one another.

Mark looked between the two of them and shook his head. "Meredith, would you like a beer?" He asked, turning to her.

"Yes, please." She replied.

Mark stepped forward and snaked his arm around her neck, "Why don't we get one in the barn, these back here are still a little warm." He suggested.

He turned to Derek, "What are you waiting for man? Get those babies on some ice." He said, gesturing at the case of beer Derek held in his hands.

"Right." Derek replied, shooting Mark a death glare.

"We'll be inside." Mark said as he began to guide Meredith to the barn.

She looked over her shoulder at Derek who stood there just watching them walk away. "See you inside." She smiled.

He nodded, hoisting the case of beer onto his shoulder. "Yeah." He replied, turning around and walking towards the pickup truck where the coolers sat. 


	9. Chapter 9: I Ain't

**Chapter Nine: I Ain't**

_**I ain't one to show restraint  
I ain't never been no saint  
And I hate to ruin your plans  
But if you're looking for a one night stand  
I ain't**_

You might  
You may  
I could  
But I ain't  
**I Ain't by Chalee Tennison**

Mark Sloan was a charmer and a show off. Meredith figured that out right away. He led her into the barn and pulled a cold beer from one of the coolers, taking the top off by twisting it against the muscle of his forearm and handing it to her with a flirtatious smile. She was not impressed, but she certainly didn't make that known as she smiled back and accepted the beer. She even let him drape his arm around her shoulder again and lead her over to a group of friends. He introduced her politely, she smiled, said hello, and then he was shutting her off from the circle by turning his back to the group and turning his attention solely on her.

He was a smooth one, this Mark Sloan fellow. He said all the right words. He was good looking... sexy even. And he was trying to charm the pants right off of her. Only, Meredith wasn't about to let him get as far as he thought he was going to get. But, he didn't have to know that right away, now did he?

She had fun drinking and flirting with him. He was obviously enjoying himself, as well. The longer Meredith was in Mark's presence, the more she realized that if she were still the old Meredith, the one who used to drink loads of tequila and sleep with inappropriate men, she would probably be out back in his truck by now, making out with him and agreeing that they should continue things at his place. But, she vowed to never be that Meredith again, so she kept her mind on other things while she talked and flirted with Mark.

She kept her mind on things like... why was it that every time she happened to look away from Mark, her eyes immediately fell on Derek, no matter where he was in the room? And why was it that every time her eyes happened to fall on Derek, she found him staring right back at her, even though his 'date' was glued to his side all night?

Speaking of his date, she was so not the person Meredith would think of as Derek's type. It's not like Meredith really knew Derek in the least bit, because after all, they had only shared one dance and a little bit of playful banter almost one week ago. But, still... the woman with him just didn't seem to... fit. But, Meredith shrugged it off, and turned her attention back to Mark, all the while feeling the burning sensation of Derek's eyes on her.

After about five or six beers, Meredith was feeling the effects of the alcohol as it coursed through her body. And after consuming so much, she really had to pee. Excusing herself politely from Mark, she found Molly and was directed to a bathroom in the back corner of the barn. It was a tiny bathroom, only enough room for one person. But, there was a sink, and some soap, and even some paper towels. She was surprisingly impressed and very thankful that she didn't have to squat anywhere, or use an outhouse or something. And the doctor in her was very grateful that she was given the privilege of washing her hands. Barn parties didn't seem so bad after all, she concluded.

When she emerged from the tiny space, she realized that she was in need of another alcoholic beverage. About thirty minutes ago, Mark had brought the cooler in that had been sitting on his tailgate, and had placed it near the back door of the barn. No longer needing his impressive expertise in beer opening, she decided to fend for herself, and began making her way towards the lone cooler. She opened the cooler and was hit by a wall of cold air. It was a refreshing moment, given the heat of the muggy, summer night air. She stood above the cooler for a few seconds, letting the cool air surround her. She even thought about grabbing a few ice cubes to drop down her shirt, but she didn't want to risk having a big wet stain for everyone to see. That wouldn't have been very attractive at all.

"Are you going to stand there staring at the beer all night, or are you going to drink one?" Came a male voice to her right.

She straightened up quickly and turned to see Derek standing right next to her, smiling that knee-melting smile of his. She hadn't even heard him approaching. She blushed a little and then reached into the cooler to grab a beer.

"Want one?" She asked, pausing with her hand in the cooler as she waited for him to reply.

"Please." He said sweetly. She could tell by the tone in his voice that he was still smiling.

She grabbed two beers out of the cooler and handed him one. He took them both from her, opened them one at a time, and then handed one back to her. She grinned.

"What, no beer opening tricks?" She laughed.

He rolled his eyes at her. "Please don't tell me Mark is opening beers with his forearm muscles again." He groaned.

"He's been doing it all night." She replied with a laugh.

Derek sighed and sat down on the cooler. "I really thought he would have out grown that by now."

Meredith didn't reply, but she moved to sit down next to him. "So," she began, "do you always bring your dates to parties held in barns?" She cut her eyes at him, trying to suppress her laughter.

He blushed and turned his head to face her. When he saw the playfulness in her eyes, he chuckled, "Not usually." He replied, shaking his head in embarrassment.

"Very romantic." She teased him. 

"She works with me." He replied. "We were supposed to meet up here for a few drinks and then go out to dinner, but she insisted on staying. She's having lots of fun, apparently." He said, motioning to his date with his head.

Meredith looked up to see the tall blond standing next to a group of guys, laughing and flirting as she twirled a strand of hair in one hand and gripped a beer bottle in the other. "She must be really special." She joked with him.

"You can shut up now." Derek replied playfully, nudging her lightly with his elbow.

Meredith had been giggling, but the moment his elbow made contact with her, she stopped laughing and sat rigid. She wasn't sure whether she was surprised at the fact that he made physical contact with her at all, or if it was the surge of electricity that jolted her when she felt his touch. He pulled his arm away from her, but the skin on her arm where he had touched her still felt like it was on fire.

"Sorry." She replied. She tried to make a serious face, but she ended up failing as another giggle rose from deep within and forced its way out of her mouth. That got him laughing again, too.

She took a sip of beer, thinking that maybe if she was drinking something, she would stop laughing at him. He did the same. It must have worked for both of them, because the laughing stopped after a few sips.

"So," Derek began, tilting his head in Mark's direction, "are you head over heels yet?" He asked.

Meredith smirked at him and rolled her eyes at his question. "Hardly." She replied.

"Seriously?" He asked, a hint of surprise rolling across his face. "Usually by now, Mark would have had you swooning over him like all of the other girls."

Meredith shrugged her shoulders and gave him a look that said 'not this chick'. "I'm not like all of the other girls." She replied confidently.

His face grew a little serious as he stared into her eyes and smiled a little, "Somehow, I don't doubt that." He spoke softly.

Meredith was lost at that point. But, not lost like she was earlier... in the direction sense of the word. But, rather, she was lost in that sea of blue that she found herself lost in last Saturday when she had literally danced herself right into this man's arms. Her heart thudded against her chest and her stomach dropped to the ground. Dizzy. She felt... dizzy. Her breath caught in her throat and she forced herself to look away before she lost all coherent thoughts completely. She felt drugged as she averted her eyes to the ground and then shifted them so that she was staring straight ahead.

Wasn't it just a little too soon after the terrible heartbreak she had just suffered for her to be having these kind of butterfly-like feelings in the pit of her stomach? Especially over a man she barely knew? Flirting. She was just... flirting. No harm, no foul. So, why did she feel so nervous and school girl about it?

"Mark's not my type." She found herself telling him, her voice cutting through the silence that had fallen between them. "I mean, he used to be my type. A long time ago, he so would have been my type. He definitely would have been my type. But, not anymore. Nope. Not my type. Anymore. No." She rambled, her voice lowering to a whisper by the time she stopped.

She looked over to Derek and smiled sheepishly as her fingers ran the length of the beer bottle nervously, picking up the condensation and letting it roll across her skin. She waited for him to tease her, to tell her that she sounded funny when she rambled, but he didn't reply. He only stared back at her and smiled that knee-melting smile again.

"I don't think I've ever met a girl who didn't cave under Mark's charming ways." He laughed.

"I'm more than happy to be the first." She stated proudly as she smiled at him.

"You know," He said, "Mark probably thinks he's got you wrapped around his finger." he warned her.

She let out a giggle that sounded a little bit on the evil side, "Well, then I guess my plan is working." She replied.

He laughed and held up his beer bottle. She clinked her bottleneck against his and they sat drinking together a few moments longer until Mark was motioning for Meredith to join him again so he could tell her some sort of story about a heroic football move in high school that brought their team to the playoffs.

"Have fun." Derek chuckled as she rose from the cooler.

She turned to smirk at him and then glanced to Derek's date, who was now lying passed out on a bale of hay. "You, too." She laughed as she turned and walked away.

Derek laughed in response as he watched her trudge back to where Mark stood. Then, he glanced over to his date, groaned, and made his way to her to see if he could get her sober enough to get into his jeep so he could take her home. 


	10. Chapter 10: Lesson In Leavin'

**Chapter Ten: Lesson In Leavin' **

_**Somebody's gonna give you  
A lesson in leavin'  
Somebody's gonna give you back  
What you've been givin'  
And I hope that I'm around  
To watch 'em knock you down  
It's like you to love 'em and leave 'em  
Just like you loved me and left me  
It's like you to do that sort of thing  
Over and over again  
You're a fool-hearted man  
**_**Lesson In Leavin' by Jo Dee Messina**

It had been two weeks and one day since Meredith's arrival in Monterey, and she chose to celebrate her Saturday morning by sleeping in. She had spent her entire week helping Aunt Meg get ready for the Strawberry Festival, which was held every year during the first weekend in June. The festivities actually began the night before, but she didn't participate because she was busy in her aunt's kitchen, pouring strawberry jelly into mason jars and attaching labels to the front so that they could be sold at the festival on Saturday afternoon... as was custom, apparently.

Meredith was never very good in the kitchen. Her mother never taught her how to cook because her mother was never home. Meredith was a take-out kinda girl. And she was definitely a delivery kinda girl, too. Pizza was her favorite, but she figured that her aunt's house was a little bit out of the pizza delivery range. They probably didn't even have a pizza place in town, she figured. More than likely, any pizzas that were made in Monterey were personally made in a family's own home.

She didn't realize how tiring cooking actually was until her aunt asked for her help with the jelly. On the second burnt pot, her aunt decided to give her the task of washing and drying the mason jars and then filling them with the jelly. At least she did that part right. But, by Friday she was exhausted. Hence, the reason for sleeping in this morning. Well, it wasn't really morning anymore. In fact, it was almost lunch time.

Her stomach growled, causing her to shift a little beneath the covers. She rolled onto her back and then tried to roll over on her side, and for some reason, the bed sheet decided to go with her. Frowning, Meredith opened her eyes and looked down at her arm. The bed sheet was stuck to her forearm. Still a little hazy from sleep, it took her a moment to process what was wrong. When she figured it out, she couldn't help but laugh.

She had been so exhausted the night before that she had literally walked into her bedroom and threw herself onto the bed. Her eyes had closed the second her head hit the pillow and sleep followed a few moments later. She hadn't even bothered with a bath or shower, and now she was paying the price. Apparently, there was some left over strawberry jelly on her arm, and she was stuck to the bed sheet.

After prying the sheet off and taking a leisurely shower, she got dressed and headed downstairs. When she entered the kitchen, her eyes widened at the many flats of strawberry jelly that sat atop the table and the counters. Did she really do all of that work? It was unbelievable. They would definitely need to take her uncle's truck to haul all of this jelly.

On her way to the coffee pot, she noticed a note tapped to the fridge. It was from her aunt, telling her that she and Uncle Max had to run into town and would be back later this afternoon so that they could all go to the festival to take the jelly. That meant that Meredith had a little time to herself for a few hours. She began to panic.

Time to herself was not really something that Meredith wanted at the moment. All week long she had managed to keep herself busy. It was easy to do so with the enormous jelly task on her hands. But, now... time was crawling. And now... she was thinking.

She was thinking about things she didn't want to think about. She was thinking about things that she had managed to push to the back of her mind for the past two weeks. She had been avoiding something... or rather, someone. And as much as she wanted to keep avoiding, she knew that if any more time passed, she would really be sorry. She had to do it. She had no other choice.

She had to call Cristina.

Meredith cringed just thinking about it. She hadn't talked to her friend since she'd arrived in Monterey. She was certain that if she had any cell phone signal out here, her phone would have been blowing up. In fact, she knew for sure that the second she was in an area with a signal, her cell phone would probably sound off for an hour, notifying her of all the messages that Cristina was probably leaving her on her voice mail. And they were probably ugly messages, too. Messages that threatened death, or eternal suffering... or both.

Meredith cringed again. It wasn't like she was avoiding Cristina personally. There was a very good reason why she hadn't called her yet. And it was because of 'him'. Meredith knew that if she were to call Cristina, her big mouth would open and she would ask. She would ask how he was doing, even though she didn't really want to know. And Cristina, being the friend that she was, would lie and say he was miserable just so Meredith would have piece of mind. But, Meredith knew that wasn't true. He probably wasn't miserable in the least bit. But, she had to call anyway. She had to call to save her friendship, because if she waited any longer, she was sure that Cristina would fly down here, find her, and kill her. And she was sure that there were many places down here that Cristina could find to bury her body.

Wincing again, Meredith picked up her aunt's portable phone and stepped out onto the front porch. She sank down into the swing, dialed the familiar number... and waited.

"Well, it's about damn time!" Came an irritated voice at the other end of the line.

"Hi." Meredith replied meekly.

"Hi? Are you kidding me?" Cristina barked. "You haven't called me in two freaking weeks and all I get is a scrawny little 'hi'?"

"Sorry?" Meredith winced.

"You bet your ass your sorry!" Cristina mumbled lowly, but Meredith heard her loud and clear. "What in the hell took you so long?"

"I've been busy." She replied.

"Busy? Meredith, you're smack dab in the middle of a town where people move like molasses. What on earth would keep you so busy?" Cristina asked.

Meredith frowned. "I've been making jelly." She stated defensively.

"Excuse me? What did you say? I think we have a bad phone connection, because I think I just heard you say that you have been making jelly."

"I've been making jelly." Meredith repeated.

"Jesus Christ!" Cristina exclaimed. "OK, Mer... seriously. You have to get out of there. Pack your things and catch the next flight out. If you call me, I can switch shifts with someone and pick you up at the airport. Just tell me what time you'll be arriving."

Meredith laughed. "I'm not coming home yet."

"Are you serious? They are turning you into Ms. Suzy Homemaker. Next thing you're going to tell me is that you've been knitting. You haven't been knitting, have you? Because I just don't think we could be friends anymore." Cristina said in a serious tone.

"I'm not knitting!" Meredith laughed again. "And I didn't really make the jelly, I just poured it into jars and labeled it."

Cristina let out a sigh of relief. "Well, you should have said that to begin with."

"So," Meredith began hesitantly, "how are... things?" She asked, trying to sound as vague as possible. She didn't want to ask about him, so she tried to keep the conversation as neutral as possible.

"Oh, man... Burke's patient's heart caught on fire last week." Cristina replied excitedly.

"WHAT? Are you kidding me?"

"Not in the least bit. George was assisting. I had just finished a Whipple and walked into the gallery just in time to see the flames shooting out. It was unbelievable! And the patient survived! It was kick ass." She told her. "Of course, Izzie's really freaked about it. She thinks it was some sort of sign from God, or whatever. You know how she is."

Meredith could feel Cristina rolling her eyes on the other end of the line. She giggled and her heart sank as she realized how much she was missing, and how much she missed her friends. It sank even more when she remembered her heartbreak and the fact that she was supposed to be married right now, not thousands of miles away from her friends trying to put her life back together.

"Yeah." She replied, agreeing with Cristina about Izzie. She was trying not to let her emotions come through in her voice, but she failed when her voice cracked. A small silence fell between them, and she knew Cristina could read her like a book, even though she couldn't see her face.

"Mer?" Cristina said softly. "Are you OK?" There was sincerity in her voice, which was a rare occasion for Cristina.

"I'm fine." Meredith stated rather unconvincingly.

Another small silence fell between them. Cristina cleared her throat and sighed into the phone.

"He's miserable, you know." She said.

"Cristina, you don't have to lie to me." Meredith told her.

"I'm not lying." Cristina replied quickly.

"OK, now it's becoming insulting." Meredith chuckled against the lump forming in her throat.

"Fine." Cristina sighed. "Do you want to know the truth?"

Meredith thought about that for a moment. Did she really? Did she really want to know if he was happy or sad, mopey or miserable? She could probably spend the rest of her summer not knowing, but every time she talked to Cristina this subject was sure to surface. Might as well rip the bandage. No anesthesia.

"Tell me the truth." She stated softly, her heart already beginning to thud rapidly.

Another sigh came through the other end of the line. Meredith prepared for the worst. And the worst is what she got.

"He's seeing her again." Cristina informed her. "He's been parading her through the hospital ever since you left. It's disgusting, really. He has no tact at all. Fresh from his break-up with you, and acting like it never happened. I don't even think he actually broke things off with her like he told you he did. What a weasel, huh?"

Meredith's breath was caught in her throat, but she managed to squeeze out a whispered, "Yep," in response. She felt dizzy, and was thankful that she had been sitting when she heard this news. No body wants to hear this kind of news, even if the break-up was for the better. If she would have married him, he would have entered the marriage as a cheater and Meredith would have played second fiddle to countless women. That was no way to enter a marriage. She should be thankful, really. And she was. But being thankful still didn't take the pain away.

"I was such a fool, wasn't I?" She asked after a short while.

"No, Meredith... he's the fool. He was a wolf in sheep's clothing and he had the wool pulled over your eyes. You're better off without him." Cristina assured her. "One day somebody's gonna break his heart, just like he broke yours, and he'll get what he deserves."

Meredith had to smile, despite the sadness. Cristina always knew what to say to bring her spirits up. She was her best friend. Her person. Meredith would be lost without her.

"I hope you're right." Meredith sighed.

Cristina let out a huffing noise. "Meredith, this is _me_ you're talking to. I'm always right."

Meredith laughed. "Sorry it took me so long to call." She replied, her voice sounding a bit sad again.

"I'll let it slide this time, since you're an emotional jelly making mess. But, don't wait so long next time, OK?" Cristina warned her.

"OK." Meredith giggled. "Hey, Cristina?"

"What?"

"Thanks." She said. "Thanks for everything."

"You're welcome." Cristina replied. "Now let me off of this phone. You've got me all mushy, so I need to find someone to cut open before I head home."

Meredith laughed again, and they said their goodbyes.


	11. Chapter 11: Ten Thousand Angels

**Chapter Eleven: Ten Thousand Angels**

_**Lead me not into temptation  
Heaven help me to be strong  
I can fight all that I'm feeling  
But I can't do it alone  
Help me break this spell that I'm under  
Guide my feet and hold me tight  
I need ten thousand angels  
Watching over me tonight  
**_**Ten Thousand Angels by Mindy McCready**

The Strawberry Festival was packed with people, but Uncle Max was a pro at maneuvering his Chevy pickup truck through the crowds hovering around the back entrance. It was like this every year, according to Aunt Meg, and finding a spot near the back gate was closer to the strawberry jelly booth, and a lot better than having to haul the crates of jelly jars through the front, where most of the crowd gathered. There were too many chances for the jars to get broken, she had told Meredith as Uncle Max came to a rolling stop near a set of oak trees that shaded the back of the Monterey Multipurpose Park.

Saturday was the busiest day of the three day festival. There were two stages set up, one at each end of the park. One stage was set up for a silent auction, and the other was set up for the bands that were hired to provide music of all different genres. Friday and Saturday nights were when the party really got started as popular bands came to play to the crowds as they drank draft beer and sipped on homemade strawberry wine that was made by different folks and sold at the festival. There were food booths set up everywhere, a tent with games for kids and grown-ups alike, and there were rides set up as well. The smell of gumbo and jambalaya lingered in the air and added to the Cajun ambiance. Everyone from Monterey and nearby towns came to the festival to bring their wine and jelly to the appropriate booths, and to kick back and party with the rest of the crowd.

About an hour after finding the designated jelly booth, and helping Aunt Meg and Uncle Max haul flat after flat of jelly jars, Meredith excused herself and set off to explore the festival on her own. She decided to check out the big red and white tent near the front entrance, where all of the games were set up. She didn't play any, but she had fun watching and laughing at the excitement all around her. Adults argued over the rules for some, and children screamed in delight when they won cheap toys that could be found at any dollar store. It was fun to observe.

Next, she made her way towards the back of the park where the rides were. That area was crowded with people. The lines for most of the rides were easily twenty people deep. She stood to the side and watched the ferris wheel make another round before stopping to let some people off, and another set on. She cringed when she looked up at the people who had stopped on the very top. Meredith was afraid of heights and wouldn't dare get on something like that. She watched for a few more moments and then decided to walk over to where the food booths were set up.

On her way to the food booths, however, another booth caught her attention. It was a small white tent, usually used for something like tailgating at a football game. On the front of the tent, in red, was one word. 'Ruby's'. As Meredith inched closer, she saw that underneath the tent was a makeshift bar made of plywood. There were even a few wooden bar stools set up along front of the bar. There was one empty spot left, so Meredith sat down.

She was only going to taste one glass of Ruby's homemade strawberry wine, and one shot of Ruby's homemade strawberry Jello shots. But, one taste turned into many tastes, and thirty minutes later, she was still sitting there... 'tasting'. And now, she was rambling on and on to the stranger sitting next to her about things she never would have rambled on about, had she been sober. And sober... she was not.

"... and I mean, really! Who would do such a thing?" She asked with a scowl. "We were supposed to get married the very next weekend!" She sighed. "I'll have another Jello shot, Ruby!" She said, holding up her empty plastic shot glass.

As she waited for Ruby to serve her, she toyed with the stack of plastic shot glasses that sat in front of her, unaware that Derek had appeared at her side and quietly switched seats with the woman sitting next to her. Ruby placed another Jello shot down on the bar and Meredith waisted no time in taking it.

"Mmmm..." She moaned as the cool Jello slid down her throat. "So, anyway," She continued, her fingers now toying with the new empty container, "he's been parading her through the hospital, according to my best friend. I swear, I'm never going to fall in love with another doctor again!" She huffed.

Derek's eyes widened, but he didn't comment. He waited a few minutes to see if she was going to blab anything else, and when she didn't, he chose that opportunity to speak.

"So, what do you do?" Came a vaguely familiar voice to her left.

"Ironically, I'm a doctor." She replied with a snort.

She turned her head towards the voice and her eyes widened when she saw that Derek was sitting next to her, staring and grinning at her like a fool. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, waiting for her brain to catch up to her movements and actually form a thought that would send the words to her mouth. His grin widened and all she could do was glare at him.

"Why is it that you show up everywhere I go?" She finally spoke.

His grin faded. "Well, I'm not a stalker if that's what you're insinuating." He replied, the corners of his lips curling up again.

"How do I know that?" She asked curiously.

"I guess you don't." He replied with a shrug. He turned around on his stool and signaled to Ruby. "Two shots, please."

"You got it, Shuga." Ruby replied with a wink. She reached into the cooler and placed two shots on the bar. "I didn't see you Friday night. Are they making you work overtime at the-"

"I was at the barn Friday night." Derek cut her off quickly before she could say the word 'hospital'. After hearing Meredith's little tirade, he didn't exactly want her knowing that he was a doctor at the moment. She seemed pretty distraught. There was no telling what she'd do to him if she found out right now. "Thanks for the shots, Ruby." He smiled.

"Anything for you, darlin'." Ruby replied with another wink.

Derek turned back to Meredith and handed her one of the shots. She took it from him expectantly, but continued to narrow her eyes at him.

"What?" He asked, "Ruby knows me. Do you really think that Ruby would be friends with a stalker?"

Meredith glanced at Ruby and then back to Derek. "I guess not." She replied, her features softening a bit. His posture relaxed a little and he smiled at her again.

"So, what's all this about love and doctors, and whatnot?" He asked her, a smirk stretching across his lips.

She blushed and shook her head. "It's nothing. Forget you heard anything." She replied quickly.

"I can't forget something like that." He teased her. "It must be pretty important for you to be drinking about it." He pointed out. "Why don't we skip the drinking and go grab a bite to eat? There are plenty of booths with really yummy southern food."

"Are you sure you're not a stalker?" She asked, ignoring his question as she turned her head to glare at him again. She peered around his shoulder and then narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't see anyone with you. You so could be a stalker. Did you come here alone?"

Derek chuckled. "No, I didn't come here alone."

Meredith's heart sank a little at that answer. What did that mean? Did he have a girl with him? Whoa. Why did that even matter to her at all?

"I came with Mark." Derek replied.

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Right." She said, rolling her eyes.

"I did!" He assured her, his eyes widening at the fact that she thought he was lying. "Come on, come have a bite to eat with me." He suggested again.

"I can't." She replied, turning away from him.

"Why not?" He asked, placing his hand gently on her elbow.

She turned to face him again. "If you came with Mark, where is he now?" She asked.

She still didn't believe him. Derek sighed and gave her a pointed look. "He's Mark." He stated simply. "The second we arrived, he found some blonde to chase after." He laughed.

"And what about you?" She asked. "Why aren't you chasing after a woman?"

Derek grinned. "Because I saw you over here drinking and I thought that I could up my game if I got you to walk around with me. Women always fall for guys who are already taken, don't you know that?" He teased her.

Meredith's mouth fell open. "Ugh! You are disgusting!" She exclaimed.

"And I'm also joking." He replied with a chuckle. "Come on." He said, tugging on her arm and pulling her off of the stool. 

"Fine. I'll go with you, but only because I'm really hungry." She told him as she straightened out the front of her shirt and took a few wobbling steps forward.

Before she could walk out from under the tent, Derek was at her side and taking her hand in his. Her body tingled at his touch and she found herself pressing her body further against his as they pushed through the crowd together. At one point, she let go of his hand and reached up to hug his arm closer to her body as they squeezed through a particularly crowded area. Derek didn't seem to mind though, because he pushed his body closer to her and looked down at her and smiled.

When they made it through the crowd to where the food booths were, she let go of his arm. She glanced up at him and was surprised to see him frowning a little at the loss of contact. She gave him a shy smile and he smiled back as he took her hand in his again.

"Come on." He tugged at her hand and pointed to a nearby booth. "This place serves the best food in town. Famous for their homemade pizzas. Do you like pizza?" He asked.

Meredith felt her heart melting on the spot. "More than you know." She replied, her eyes almost misting over when the delicious smell of pizza wafted over her.

They ordered a slice each, but Meredith insisted on paying for her own. After a little protesting, Derek finally relented and let her. She seemed so adamant about it and he didn't want to offend her. After devouring her pizza and glaring at Derek who was watching with great amusement in his eyes as she ate, they decided to check out the next band that was due to start playing at any moment.

They sat down together on a patch of grass underneath a large oak tree to the side of the stage. Feeling a little more sober, Meredith wasn't so talkative anymore. She felt nervous and had that school girl feeling again. The longer they sat there, though, the more relaxed she began to feel. It wasn't until Derek suggested something that she started to feel like a jumbled up pile of nerves again.

"We should go fishing." He stated.

"Excuse me?" Meredith's forehead crinkled as she turned to look at him.

"We should go fishing." He repeated.

"Why should we do that?" She asked.

"Well," He began, "you seem a little... on edge. When I feel like that, I go fishing. Maybe it'll help you, too."

Meredith chuckled. This was the first. "And when do you suggest we do this fishing?" She asked as she gave him a puzzled look.

Derek glanced at his watch. "In about two hours." He replied matter-of-factly.

"Are you crazy? Have you looked at the horizon lately? In two hours, it'll be pitch dark!" She exclaimed.

"Exactly." He nodded confidently.

"No." Meredith shook her head. "I am not going fishing in the dark."

"Why not?"

"Because." Was all that she could reply.

"Because?" He frowned. "That's not a reason. Give me a reason."

"Because... fishing in the dark is... weird."

He laughed again. "It's not weird. It's the perfect time to catch catfish. I do it all the time."

"You do?" She wrinkled her brow again.

He nodded. "Give me a valid reason." He smiled.

Meredith sighed. "Because I hardly know you. And I'm not dating right now. It's too..." She was gonna say 'soon', but she stopped herself, "I'm just... not dating."

"Who said this was date?" He asked.

"But you just-"

"I asked if you wanted to go fishing. I didn't ask you to dinner and a movie." He replied. "Do you really think I'd take a date out fishing?"

"Says the man who took his date to a BARN!" She replied, rolling her eyes at him.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before sighing and saying softly, "I guess you have a point."

Meredith laughed at him and shoved him playfully. He rocked to one side and then laughed, shoving her back softly.

"It's not a date." He assured her. "Come on, it'll be fun. Where's your sense of adventure?"

Really. Where was her sense of adventure? Didn't she come here to get away from the city life and gain perspective? Maybe a little adventure was what she needed to figure out how to deal with the pain. It couldn't hurt could it?

She turned to look at Derek's smiling face again. Good Lord, it seemed illegal to look that good. Any adventure with this man certainly couldn't hurt. Not with him looking like that. Visions of him smiling down at her as she clung to his arm earlier flashed in her mind. The way his body had formed to hers as they pushed through the crowd made her body tingle again. No, adventures with this man definitely couldn't hurt.

"Fine." She heard herself saying. "I'll go."

"You'll go?" He asked excitedly.

She nodded. "On one condition!" She said, holding her finger up.

"Anything." He replied, taking her hand and pulling her up to a standing position.

"Can we stop back by that booth and get another slice of pizza to go?" She asked, catching her bottom lip between her teeth as she waited for his reply.

He looked down at her and grinned, resisting the urge to kiss her right on the spot. "Certainly." He replied.

As they turned and walked away, Derek grabbed her hand in his again. Their adventure was definitely starting. Right now.


	12. Chapter 12: Fishin' In The Dark

**Chapter Twelve: Fishin' In The Dark**

_**Lazy yellow moon comin' up tonite  
Shinin' thru the trees,  
Crickets are singin' and lightning bugs  
Are floatin' on the breeze  
Baby get ready...**_

Across the field where the creek turns back by the ol' stump road  
I'm gonna take you to a special place that nobody knows  
Baby get ready  
**Fishin' In The Dark by Emerson Drive**

Meredith was beginning to question her decision once they still had yet to reach their destination and the sun was now hidden behind the line of trees on the horizon. But, then Derek turned his jeep down a dirt road, and a familiar looking building rose up in the sky when he followed the curve to the left.

"Hey!" She exclaimed, pointing out of the window. Well, there really wasn't a window there since the top of the jeep was off, but still... she pointed. "That's the-"

"Barn." Derek finished for her.

"Yeah." She replied, turning her head to smile at him. "Is this-"

"My land." He cut her off again.

Her eyes widened. She certainly wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth. She thought he'd say 'my family's land', or 'my dad's land', or something else. Anything other than it being **his** land.

"All of this is your land?" She asked curiously.

"Every bit of it." He replied. "Every inch, starting from the beginning of this dirt road we're on, all the way back about seventy acres past the creek, which is where we'll be fishing, by the way." He winked at her, before turning his head forward again and concentrating on the road.

"How are you? I mean... what are you?" She fumbled. "What do you do for a living, if you don't mind my asking?" She said, wincing even as she asked.

He shrugged, "I don't mind you asking, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna tell you." He grinned at her.

She gasped slightly. "You're not in like... one of those... Italian southern mobs, or something... are you?" She asked hesitantly.

He laughed heartily. "No, Meredith. I'm not in a mob." He assured her, his face turning red as he laughed.

"Then what do you do?" She asked again.

"I'm not saying." He replied, shaking his head and glancing up the road.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm afraid that you might try to jump out of the jeep." He teased her. "I wouldn't want your suicide on my hands. People might think I brought you out here just to throw you out and kill you or something!"

She sucked in a deep breath. "You are so in a mob! Let me out of this jeep right now!" She screamed, scowling at him as he just laughed even more.

"Calm down. I'm joking! I'm not in a mob!" He replied. "Geez... relax a little. I'm a doctor... A surgeon." He laughed again.

Meredith gave him a confused look. "Why would you not want to tell me that?"

Derek sighed and rolled his eyes. "By the way you were talking earlier, I thought you might not want to know that little piece of information about me." He explained, waiting for her to catch on. It took her all of about three seconds.

_I swear, I'm never going to fall in love with another doctor again!_

"OH!" She said, remembering her ramblings earlier as she drank her Jello shots. "You weren't supposed to hear that."

"But I did." He stated with another grin.

Meredith sighed. "It doesn't matter. It's not like I'm in love with you, anyway." She said, suddenly feeling a little awkward after letting that sentence roll out of her mouth.

"Right." Derek nodded.

An awkward silence fell between them until Derek pulled his jeep down a winding gravel road that led up to a paved driveway, and eventually to a large home.

"Where are we?" Meredith asked.

"My house." He replied. "I have to get my fishing gear and hook the boat up."

"Right." Meredith nodded as he killed the engine and got out of the jeep.

Twenty minutes later, Meredith was standing next to Derek at the edge of the creek. It was beautiful back here, with only the very tip of the sun peeking out over the horizon, casting vibrant oranges and pinks across the sky.

Derek steadied the boat with his foot and held Meredith's hand firmly in his as he helped her into the boat. She stepped over the middle seat of the small boat and stood patiently as she waited for him to get in. He stepped carefully into the boat and Meredith took a step back to allow for more room. When she stepped with her other foot, her heel hit the tackle box that was placed on the floor of the boat and she felt her balance shifting. Her eyes widened just as Derek looked up to see her body start to tumble backward. Before she could fall any further, she felt his hands grab onto her upper arms. He pulled her up quickly, and she found herself pressed against his chest.

"Whoa." He chuckled.

She could feel the vibrations of his laughter rumbling through his chest. She blushed and looked up at him, bringing her hands up to rest on his shirt. "Sorry." She whispered.

"It was my fault." He replied, shaking his head. "I should've known better than to put that there. You alright?" He asked, peering down at her.

She cleared her throat. "I'm fine." She squeaked out, praying that the flush on her cheeks would just disappear.

He released her slowly and bent down to move the tackle box so that she could get to her seat. The boat rocked a little as she eased herself onto the cool metal seat, trying to find the ability to breathe again. She wanted to breathe again. She really, really wanted to breathe again. But, she kept thinking about her body being pushed up against Derek's, and that thought made any ability she had to breathe... simply vanish. She made herself turn away from him, and as she averted her eyes towards the disappearing sun, she felt the gentle push of the boat leaving the shore, and suddenly they were drifting slowly across the water.

In a matter of only a few minutes, or it could have been seconds, the sun had completely gone, and little by little, the sky became darker and twinkling stars began to fill the sky above. It was a perfectly clear night. There wasn't a cloud in the sky as they drifted further down the creek.

Meredith couldn't help herself but to lean back and stare up at the sky. She didn't get this kind of view in New York. She was lucky to get glimpses of a hand full of stars beyond the smog that hovered like a blanket above the tall buildings that surrounded the hospital and her apartment. She had a great view of the sky from her aunt's porch, but there was just something totally different about the starlit sky when out on the open water. Maybe it was the reflection of the stars in the perfectly still water that seemed to magnify it. She wasn't exactly sure. Whatever it was, it sure was beautiful and she certainly liked being out here like this.

"We're almost there." Derek spoke softly.

It was the first time either of them had spoken since they had set off down the creek.

"And where would that be?" She asked, turning to face him as she smiled.

"My favorite fishing spot." He replied with a wink and a smile.

As he turned to face forward again, Meredith couldn't help but stare at him. The soft glow of the pale moonlight reflected against his face, and the dark shadows, where the moonlight failed to reach, added a mystery to his handsome features and she was finding him a bit too irresistible to turn away from. She blushed and looked away quickly, though, when he glanced at her and noticed her staring at him. But the smile that appeared across his lips didn't go unnoticed before her gaze settled upon the water again.

The boat glided forwarded a few more yards, the water rippling and churning in its wake. Meredith watched as a bullfrog jumped off of a lily pad and landed in the water with a splash. A few moments later, Derek killed the small motor that had been propelling them forward, and everything around them settled and grew quiet. The only sounds around them were the sounds of nature. The light summer breeze rustled through the trees. The crickets and frogs sang their lullabies. And the water lapped softly against the boat.

"This is it." Derek whispered. "You should consider yourself lucky. I've never brought anyone to this spot before."

"Must be a special spot." She replied, turning to face him again.

"It is." He said matter-of-factly. "I've never even shown it to Mark. And he's like a brother."

She watched him silently as he grabbed the two fishing poles, baited them, and then handed her one. She took the pole from him, and as they both cast their lines out, she let his words sink in. After a few more moments of silence, she turned to face him.

"So, why did you bring me out here? A person you hardly know?" She asked curiously.

He turned to face her, and when he saw the seriousness that had leaked into her expression, he sighed and gave her a soft smile.

"Because you have that look in your eyes." He stated simply, like she should know exactly what that meant.

Accept, she didn't know what that meant at all.

"Look? What look? I don't have a look." She stated adamantly.

"Yes, you do." He said, reeling in his line and looking out over the water as he cast if out again.

"I so do not have a look." She repeated.

She frowned when he didn't reply.

"What look?" She asked again, her interest peaked.

He let out another sigh and kept staring ahead as he spoke, "You have that look in your eyes that says your lost and you're searching for something."

Seriously? Was he being serious? She searched his face for signs of this all being a joke, but it was dark out here and the moonlight only allowed for parts of his face to be visible as he sat way on the other side of the boat. But, the parts that were visible were showing no signs of joking. Absolutely none. He was serious. And that made her heart sink just a little.

"What do you know about that look?'' She found herself asking. Because if he actually saw that look in her eyes when he looked at her, he damn well better be an expert about it if he was going to be so bold as to point it out to her.

"I know a lot about that look." He answered.

Well, this was certainly getting interesting. She looked at him expectantly as she waited for him to elaborate further. He glanced at her quickly and then settled his gaze back over the water again.

"It's the same look that I started seeing in the mirror about three years ago." He finally explained with a heavy sigh.

So, he had been searching for something, too, she was discovering. Was he still searching now? There was only one question she could ask to find out. She hesitated for a moment, but then something inside of her told her that this was a man who saw something in her that she knew about herself deep down inside, but she always tried to keep it away from the surface. Somehow, this man... this man that she had only known for a total of two weeks, and had only encountered briefly, saw that part of her that said she was lost and searching. Plus, he was the one to start this entire conversation, so she decided to plunge forward and ask, despite the jumble of nerves beginning to form in the pit of her stomach.

"Did you find it?" She asked softly, her voice sounding as if she might be afraid of his answer.

He glanced at her again, but this time their eyes locked in a gaze that neither of them could really describe. And then he smiled that knee-melting smile of his that she was certain would haunt her dreams from now on (and not necessarily in a bad way).

"I'm not sure yet, but things are definitely starting to look better from where I'm sitting." He told her before looking out over the water again.

Those nerves that had been brewing in Meredith's stomach instantly turned to millions of butterflies that went souring and doing back flips.


	13. Chapter 13: Fishin' In the Dark, Pt 2

**Chapter Thirteen: Fishin' In The Dark, Part 2**

_**Oooooooh,  
You and me going fishing in the dark,  
Lying on our backs and counting the stars  
Where the cool grass grows.  
Down by the river in the full moon light,  
We'll be fallin' in love in the middle of the night  
Just movin' slow...  
Stayin' the whole night through, feels so good to be with you  
**_**Fishin' In The Dark by Emerson Drive**

Meredith was certain that the mood from such a mood altering conversation as they had just had would linger for some time, but that certainty flew out the window, or rather... faded into the distant night sky, when she felt a definite tug on the end of the line of her fishing pole. Her eyes widened and she snapped her head forward.

"It think there's something... what do I...?" She stuttered as she grasped the pole tighter in her hands.

She could hear Derek chuckling at her, but she chose to ignore that fact. She had more important things to focus on at the moment... like what in the hell was she supposed to do now?

"Is it a fish? How do I know? Isn't there supposed to be a bright orange thingy floating on the water that signifies that there is definitely a fish on the other end?" She asked Derek in a slightly panicked voice as she began to reel her line in slowly.

"What are you, ten?" He teased her, easing out of his seat and moving carefully over to her side of the boat.

If she weren't so focused on her fishing pole at the moment, she would have scowled at him. And glared. She would have definitely glared. But, right now, she was focused. Determined and focused. And really confused about what to do exactly.

"Here, let me help you." He said as he sat beside her and inched closer.

She handed him the fishing pole, but he gently placed it back into her hands and wrapped one of his arms around her waist. He covered the tops of both of her hands with his own and helped her reel in her line.

"You have to... tug on it a little." He said softly as he raised the pole slightly and gave it a little tug. That gentle motion caused her back to push against his chest and his scent wrapped around her. She couldn't quite place the fragrance that was 'him', but whatever it was, it sure did make her feel a little dizzy. She breathed it in again as he shifted slightly behind her and continued to show her how to tug and reel her line in.

There was a splash. And then another. Meredith could feel her heartbeat quicken. Although, now that Derek was embracing her, she wasn't sure if it was him or the fish that had her heart rate flying off the charts. Both were pretty freaking exhilarating at the moment. She met some resistance against her line and her eyes widened a bit more.

"Is it big? It is, isn't it? It's definitely big. Did you feel that tug?" She asked him excitedly as the end of the line got closer to the surface.

"I felt it." He replied with a nod as he chuckled at her enthusiasm. "But, we won't know how big it is until it's actually out of the water."

"It's big." She assured him. "I know it is."

He released her hands and slid off of the seat. Kneeling next to her, he peered over the edge of the boat. "Just a few more feet to go." He said to her over his shoulder. "It's close enough now that you don't have to tug anymore. Just reel it in."

Meredith bit down on her bottom lip in concentration as she reeled her line in as fast as she could. A few seconds later, the fish on the end of her line broke the smooth surface of the water and Derek doubled over with laughter.

"That... has got to be... the smallest fish... I have ever seen!" He laughed, pointing to the small catfish that was wiggling at the end of Meredith's fishing pole.

This time, she did scowl at him. "Well, I don't see a fish at the end of your line to compare it to, so really... if I were you, I wouldn't be laughing!" And now she was glaring at him.

"Sorry." He muttered, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. She couldn't hear his laughter anymore, but that didn't matter. His shoulders still shook, there were crinkles in the corners of his eyes, and the blue orbs that Meredith was staring into were twinkling with amusement.

"I should so throw you overboard." She mumbled under her breath as her lips curled into a smile.

"I'd just pull you in with me." He stated, the look in his eyes giving her no doubt that he would do just that.

She rolled her eyes at him and nudged her head towards the catfish still wiggling on the line. "What are we gonna do about this little fellow?"

"We throw him back in." Derek stated, grabbing the end of the line and carefully taking the hook out of the catfishes mouth.

"I didn't hurt him, did I?" She asked with a frown as she leaned closer to get a good look at the fish in Derek's hands.

"No." He shook his head and looked up at her with a smile. "You didn't hurt him." He released the fish back into the water and then settled back down into his seat again.

For some reason, Meredith found herself feeling a little disappointed. And it had nothing to do with the fish, and everything to do with the fact that Derek wasn't sitting next to her anymore. That situation didn't remain, however, because as soon as Derek baited her hook and she cast her line out again, she got another bite.

And so it happened for the next twenty minutes. Meredith wasn't quite sure, but she had the feeling that Derek was beginning to get a little jealous. He hadn't gotten a single bite yet.

"Something is definitely not right with the universe." He muttered, taking what was now the sixth fish off of the end of her line.

"Aw, is someone getting jealous?" She asked in a whiny voice as she gave him a sly smile.

"I don't get jealous." He replied matter-of-factly.

"Of course not." She nodded, giving him a pat on his shoulder as he released the fish back into the water to join the previous five that had been caught and released.

"What do you say we head back?" He asked, taking the fishing pole from her and placing it down next to her feet as if he just expected that she wouldn't protest.

And he was right... she didn't. Although, she wasn't sure whether he wanted to head back because he wasn't catching anything, or because he was ready to take her home. Either way, she was disappointed that the night was ending so soon.

The boat ride back to the spot where they had put in was just as silent as the ride had been to Derek's favorite spot. Although, Meredith had a feeling it might not be such a favorite spot after tonight. She spent her time looking up at the stars some more, relishing in the way the breeze felt against her skin as the boat glided across the water. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, letting her mind drift away from her. She realized quickly that all her mind was able to do was flash pictures of Derek for her viewing pleasure.

Her skin suddenly felt hot all over. She sucked in a deep breath and when she opened her eyes, she realized that the heat she was experiencing wasn't from the images in her mind, but from the way Derek was now staring at her. The boat had stopped and was now floating next to the shoreline. Derek had already climbed out of the boat, but in the midst of Meredith's mental images, she had not been aware of that fact. But, she certainly was aware of the way he was looking at her now. He smiled at her, a look of something in his eyes that Meredith couldn't quite name. He extended his hand to her and she took it as he helped her out of the boat.

Once on dry land again, Meredith expected him to start loading up his jeep so that they could head in, but he only took her hand and guided her towards a patch of trees to their right. She followed him willingly, both of them walking through the trees quietly as they held hands. It was very dark, but the moonlight did allow some of its beams to shine through the tree branches and illuminate the path that they were following. After walking for a few more yards, they reached a clearing and she followed Derek to an old oak tree that grew just to the left side of the clearing.

And side by side under this ancient oak tree, was where they had been laying for quite a few hours... talking and laughing.

"So, how many sisters do you have?" She asked, her gaze fixated on the leaves of the oak tree as they rustled in the warm breeze.

"Four." He replied. "Four annoying sisters."

"Aw, they can't be that bad. Molly seemed nice."

"Molly's the normal one. And Sara is normal, too." He stated. "Nancy and Kathleen are the ones to worry about. What about you?"

"I don't have any siblings." She spoke quietly. "I'm the only child."

"Oh, you're one of those." He replied, receiving a slap on the arm from Meredith. "I'm just kidding!" He laughed. "I can't imagine being an only child. Actually, now that I think about it, I would probably really enjoy it."

"It's not all it's cracked up to be, believe me." She stated with a sigh.

"It couldn't have been that bad. You didn't have to share any of your toys. Didn't have to worry about being compared to anyone else." He shrugged.

"Hah! You don't know my mother!" She replied. "Try being eighteen and compared to the top freaking neurosurgeon in the country, who by the way, never made a mistake in her life, besides the pink haired party hard daughter she was raising. I wish I would have had a sibling to be compared to."

"You had pink hair?" He asked, furrowing his brow as he turned on his side and propped his head in his hands to get a good look at her. "Hmm... I can't picture it."

"Shut up!" She laughed, casting a sideways glare his way.

"You're hair looks nice like it is now." He said quietly, leaning his face closer to her. "And it smells good, too." He whispered.

She stared into his eyes for a moment, lost in a sea of blue. "Thank you." She finally managed to choke out. "It's lavender. I use lavender conditioner."

"Lavender. Huh." He replied, his lips curling into a soft smile as he gazed down at her.

His stare became too intense for her and she had to look away from him. She averted her eyes to the night sky, only she realized that it wasn't exactly a night sky any longer.

"What time is it?" She asked in a whisper.

Neither of them had a watch on. Derek followed her gaze and shrugged. "I'm not an expert, but by the way the sky is starting to turn a light shade of blue, I would say that it's almost dawn."

"Holy crap!" She exclaimed. "I should probably... my aunt's probably... I mean, she knew I was... I need to go."

Derek nodded and stood, brushing off the grass from the back of his jeans. He took her hand in his again and they silently made their way back to his jeep. They climbed in and Derek drove her back to her aunt's house. By the time they pulled up in front of the large antebellum home, the sky had already lightened tremendously. Derek hopped out first and walked around the jeep. He opened the door for her and walked her up the front porch steps. They both stopped at the doorway and Meredith turned to face him.

"Thank you, Derek. Tonight was... well... last night, now... was great." She smiled.

"Yeah. It was, wasn't it?" He smiled back as she nodded in agreement.

"I can't remember a time when I stayed up that late and it wasn't for surgery." She laughed.

"Look, Meredith... I know you're not..." He didn't know how to approach this without scaring her off. He fumbled for something to say, and finally settled on this, "I have to work tomorrow, but after... I have a few days off this week. So, if you're looking for something to do..." He trailed off. He was usually better at this sort of thing, but something about Meredith made him a little hesitant. He certainly didn't want to push her. "We could hang out, if you want." He was finally able to say.

"Oh. OK. Well... we'll see." She replied. "I'll, uh... it's just... things in my life are complicated. And I'm not really... I'll think about it." She managed to say.

"Good." He replied. "Just... let me know. I'll be around." He said. "We usually end up bumping into each other at some point anyway, right?" He chuckled.

"True." She nodded.

"OK. Well, goodnight... or, well... good morning?" He laughed.

"Good morning." She laughed with him, giving him a humorous expression.

Without another word, she was standing with her hand on the doorknob and watching him drive away. 


	14. Chapter 14: If You're Going Through Hell

**A/N: I just wanted to apologize for the delay in getting these chapters posted. I've been VERY busy with work and then the Holidays hit me with full force. I'll be posting 2 or 3 updates every day or so until I'm caught up with what has been written. This story is FAR from over, so I hope everyone will continue to read it!**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter Fourteen: If You're Going Through Hell**

_**If your going through hell  
Keep on going, don't slow down  
If you're scared don't show it  
You might get out  
Before the devil even knows you're there**_

Yeah, If you're going through hell  
Keep on moving, face that fire  
Walk right through it  
You might get out  
Before the devil even knows your there  
**If You're Going Through Hell by Rodney Atkins**

It was late in the afternoon on Sunday when Meredith finally decided to roll out of bed and head downstairs for a bite to eat. She yawned as she entered the kitchen and stumbled to the pantry, unaware that her aunt was sitting at the kitchen table having a light snack.

"Must have been some fishing trip." She heard her aunt say quietly, her voice piercing through the silent kitchen.

Meredith's movements paused for a brief moment as she turned to face the cabinet doors. "It was fun." She replied as nonchalantly as possible, silently thanking God that she had her back turned, and silently praying that the blush on her cheeks wasn't visible on the tips of her ears.

"Derek Shepherd is a very nice man." Her aunt stated, glancing up to see if Meredith had turned around yet so she could read her expression. But, Meredith wasn't budging.

"He is." Meredith replied simply.

"Great doctor, too." Aunt Meg informed her. "He comes from a wonderful family. The Shepherds have been friends of ours for years. In fact, I think that Derek was only two years ahead of the boys in school."

"Uh-huh." Meredith said, trying to focus on the sandwich she was presently making.

A small silence fell between them. Meredith could hear every creak of the house. And the slow drip from the faucet sounded like bombs falling all around her. She looked down at the sandwich she was making and realized that she was about to put it on her plate without putting a single slice of turkey on it.

_Focus, Meredith. Focus. It's a sandwich... not brain surgery... which would seem like an easy task compared to this at the moment._ She rolled her eyes at herself.

"Catch any fish?" Meg asked, her curious voice cutting into the silence once again. She smiled slyly as she noticed Meredith's shoulders start to shake a little.

Meredith covered her mouth to suppress her giggles. She had to clear her throat and count to ten a few times to control herself, but she managed to shove the giggles back down and keep a straight face as she turned around and carried her plate to the table where her aunt sat. She wasn't certain, but it looked like Aunt Meg had been smirking behind her back. If she was, she sure did hide it well beneath the rim of the coffee cup that immediately shot up to her mouth once Meredith started making her way to the table.

"He took me fishing in the creek on his property. I caught six catfish, but they were all too small." She explained, smiling a little at the memory.

"And how many did Derek catch?"

That question had her giggling again. "None." She said. "You should have seen him... slouched over on the other side of the boat. I don't think he's ever going to take me back." She chuckled a little.

Aunt Meg raised her eyebrows. "Oh, so you have plans with him again?" She asked curiously.

Meredith stopped laughing. "No." She shook her head. "I just meant... I mean... Well," She sighed. "When he dropped me off this morning, he said that after tomorrow, he'd be off for a few days. He didn't ask me out or anything. He just... suggested we hang out."

"And what did you say?" Her aunt asked.

"I told him that I'd think about it." She replied, receiving a frown from her aunt. "What?" She asked.

"Have you thought about it?" Aunt Meg pried.

"No." Meredith replied instantly.

"Why not?" She asked.

Meredith stopped chewing her sandwich and gave her aunt a pointed look. "You can't be serious?"

"I am being serious. Derek is a very nice man." She repeated again... very adamantly.

"I'm not saying he's not." Meredith replied defensively.

"So, what's the problem?" Aunt Meg asked, tilting her head and furrowing her brow in confusion.

"There's not... a problem. It's just... I mean..." She let out a frustrated sigh. "Don't you think it's too soon?" She asked, placing her sandwich down and sitting back in her chair.

"Too soon for what, dear?" Aunt Meg asked as she placed her coffee mug down in front of her.

"I don't know." Meredith said sadly as she frowned. "I'm just fresh from this break up thing, and I came down here to be alone and clear my head. My own mother thinks everything that happened was all my fault, for Christ's sake. She won't even be reasonable. And she's still barely speaking to me. So, I have that to deal with, which is not an easy thing, knowing my mother... which you do. And now..." She frowned again, "Now there's this really nice guy wanting to spend time with me, and I know it's not a date, or whatever, but it's just... it's so soon, you know? Shouldn't I... heal or something? Shouldn't I allow more time for..." She trailed off as her thoughts jumbled around in her head and fell against her brain in a heaping pile of messiness.

"Time for what?" Aunt Meg sat back in her chair and looked at Meredith expectantly.

"Time for myself. Time to regroup, to think, to... figure things out." Meredith sighed.

Aunt Meg pierced her lips together and thought about her words carefully. When she was sure of what to say, she leaned forward and took Meredith's hands into her own and smiled at her sympathetically.

"Meredith," She began softly, "I know that what you went through was difficult. And Lord knows that I know how your mother can be." She let out an ironic laugh. "But, you only get to live this life once, Mer. And what that man did to you was terrible and disgusting and unforgivable. But, it is his loss. His mistake. You did nothing wrong. So, don't punish yourself. Be happy that you don't have to put up with his crap anymore. Be thankful that you survived it. Live. Don't stop your life because he was an idiot."

Meredith laughed as tears welled in her eyes. Aunt Meg's hands wrapped firmer around hers as she continued speaking, "You say you think you need time, but let me tell you something that I've learned. Time doesn't wait for you. It doesn't stop so you can catch up. It just keeps going. It moves on. And that's what you need to do, Meredith. You need to move on. Just... keep going." She gave Meredith a warm smile and patted her hand softly.

Meredith smiled back and sighed, "So, I should think about hanging out with Derek." She said. It was a statement more than it was a question.

Aunt Meg shrugged and nodded a little. "He's not asking you to commit to him, Meredith. He's just... asking you to share your time with him." She winked.

They smirked at each other and enjoyed the comfortable silence that fell around them as Meredith continued to eat her sandwich and Aunt Meg finished her coffee.


	15. Chapter 15: Thinkin' About You

**Chapter Fifteen: Thinkin' About You**

_**I'm not quite sure what's goin' on,  
but all through and all night long,  
I've been thinkin' about you,  
I've been thinkin' about you.**_

The look in your eyes when you smile that way,  
the sound of your voice sayin' my name.  
I've been thinkin' about you,  
just keep thinkin' about you.  
**Thinkin' About You by Trisha Yearwood**

It was becoming increasingly hard to wipe the smile off of her face. She tried, though. She really, really tried. But, it was no use. Thanks to Aunt Meg, thoughts of Derek were now planted firmly into Meredith's mind... hence, the smiling.

It had been that way for some time now. All Sunday afternoon, while Meredith had lounged around the house and took an occasional walk or two around the property to explore places she hadn't been since her childhood, images of Derek flashed in her mind. And each time... that smile of hers grew wider.

Images were good. They were great, actually. Especially the images of Derek Shepherd. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that there wasn't an image she didn't like.

Derek and his eyes. Two vibrant blue orbs that sparkled when he smiled. Two intoxicating blue eyes that captured hers the moment she danced into his arms. Two dark blue, stormy orbs that clouded in the moonlight when he got jealous about not catching any fish. Two curious looking eyes that seemed to peer into her soul as his head tilted just so, making her feel vulnerable, yet... entranced at the same time. The man could do a lot with those eyes.

Derek and his hair. It was quite perfect actually. His silk-like raven strands seemed to beckon her to run her fingers through them. She imagined that it would feel wonderful for those strands to run across the skin of her fingertips. He almost had a sort of wind-blown look most of the time. Not in a messy way, but rather... an I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-I-always-look-this-sexy sort of way. She could deal with that. Even when his hair was messy, she figured he'd still look hot. In fact, it made her wonder how he _did_ look once he rolled out of bed every morning. Maybe that was something she needed to find out. Her smile flew off the charts at that thought.

Derek and his smile. Whoa. That was hotness right there. She liked his smile. It was genuine. And sweet. She wasn't quite sure, but she thought she had seen a little hint of mischievousness behind his smile a time or two. Like behind the sweet exterior, there was a little bit of a bad boy hiding behind his pearly whites and the crinkles that formed in the corners of his eyes. Yes. There was something hidden deeper behind that smile. Maybe that was something else she'd need to find out as well.

_Hmmm... that could be fun._

Derek and his hands. Now there was a good thought. His hands had been so warm when he had taken her hands in his at the festival and led her through the crowd. And then again, when he had wrapped them around her own as he helped her reel her line in when they were fishing, she had experienced that same warmth all over again. For a surgeon, his hands were surprisingly soft. And his touch had been delicate. She began to wonder how her skin would feel beneath those same fingertips if he were to touch and caress other places on her body. Her cheeks flushed instantly as her smile faded into a wondering sigh. Thoughts about his hands touching her skin triggered thoughts about his body pressed against her as he danced with her, and then again as he had literally wrapped himself around her as he helped her with her fishing pole.

As she made her way back to the front porch and sat down on her favorite swing, she couldn't help but remember the way his muscles flexed beneath the black shirt that was stretched across his back only one week prior, when he had been fumbling for something in the middle console of his jeep parked behind the barn. She had been staring at him, watching his every move and almost drooling before he even had the chance to turn around. And what a pleasant surprise when he did turn around... thanks to the strangled noise that had escaped her throat beyond her control. She would have been embarrassed, had it not been for the completely overwhelming shock of whom she was staring at the second their eyes met.

And then she had turned into a mumbling idiot. Not her finest moment. At least that run-in hadn't been a first impression. Somehow, it made her feel better knowing that their first encounter had been was she was intoxicated. Alcohol was easy to blame, which was actually comforting to her... compared to the second meeting when she had fumbled for words and thoughts. She wasn't able to blame her ramblings on anything but the overwhelming shock and her jumbled pile of nerves.

She covered her face with her hands in embarrassment when she let her mind wander to their third run-in just last night. She sighed again as she rocked slowly in the swing and stared up at the sky which had darkened considerably since she had settled into the creaking swing. Good Lord, he probably thought that she was an alcoholic. But, the simple truth was that she barely drank anymore. There were occasions when she would meet her small group of friends for a drink after work, but usually her schedule was so busy that she barely had time to make it home and collapse into her bed. And with the wedding plans that she had been consumed in over the last few weeks before the big, huge, messy explosion of her heart, she hadn't even been able to stop, much less have a drink. And thanks to dumbass, himself, she didn't even get a chance to have a bachelorette party. Maybe she was just making up for lost time... now that she actually had time on her hands. At any rate, she was going to have to make it a point to stop drinking so much. She certainly didn't want Derek to think poorly of her, although he hadn't seemed to mind that she was drunk. Even still, it would be best if she toned it down a little.

_Lady-like,_ she reminded herself.

So, back to the true matter at hand. Derek wanted to hang out with her. Spend time. He wanted to use his free time away from the hospital on her. She had absolutely no clue as to why he would want to waste his time doing things with her. _Maybe he wants to be friends_, she considered. Sure, he was a little more than friendly when they had been fused together on the dance floor. And yesterday, he had held her hand a few times... and smiled that knee-melting smile at her on several occasions throughout the afternoon and into the night. He had opened up to her about his family and about how he, too, had... or has been... lost and searching for something.

There was definitely a connection between them on some unexplainable level that Meredith was still trying to figure out. And at the end of the night, well... at the end of the _morning_, he had dropped her off on this very porch and said goodbye without so much as a simple kiss. No peck on the lips. Or the cheek. Or even the hand. Although, he had kissed her hand on the dance floor that first night they met. But, maybe that was a southern thing, like saying 'ma'am' and 'sir', or 'please' and 'thank you'.

Meredith's thoughts jumbled around all over in her head. As she got ready for bed a few hours later, she was still thinking about Derek. Derek and his eyes. Derek and his smile. Derek and his hair. Derek and his hands. Derek and his body. Derek and his voice. Derek. Derek. Derek. Derek. Derek.

Even when she woke up mid-morning on Monday, she was still thinking about him. She thought about him during brunch with her aunt at a small cafe' downtown. She thought about him as she sat at the picnic table in the backyard and ate her lunch. She thought about him as the afternoon slipped slowly by and the sun started to descend. All day long she thought, and thought, and thought, and thought until she couldn't stand it anymore.

Her doubts began to creep in. Maybe she was fooling herself. Maybe she was reading too much into every single thought that crossed her mind. She couldn't think anymore. The walls of her brain were turning to mush and causing her to loose focus. She didn't like to loose focus. She was a surgeon. Surgeon's are supposed to remain focused. But, she wasn't in an operating room at the moment. She was thousands of miles away from home, away from the hospital, away from her friends, away from the life that she once knew. She was in a small southern town where she only knew a hand full of people, one of which was causing her brain to go into overload. She needed to get out of the house before she truly freaked.

She had been lying on her bed, staring out the window and glancing at the clock every now and then as time passed slowly by. It was only four o'clock. She still had several more hours of daylight. She needed to clear her head. So, without another moments notice, she bounded down the stairs and grabbed the keys to Jake's mustang. She stopped in the kitchen and left a note for her aunt before she marched through the front door and took off down the road, hoping that a little afternoon drive might clear out the cobwebs that her rambling and overactive mind had tangled inside her head.


	16. Chapter 16: Take Me There

**Chapter Sixteen: Take Me There**

_**I want to know everything about you.  
And I want to go down every road you've been.  
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live,  
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,  
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare,  
Take me there  
**_**Take Me There by Rascal Flatts**

Two hours.

Meredith had been driving for two solid hours and her mind was still reeling. Two hours of driving down country lanes, weaving in and out of maze after maze of streets lined with sugarcane and corn fields, and she _still_ felt just as lost as before when she had been filling her mind with thoughts of Derek while confined to her bedroom in her aunt's elaborate home. 

She thought that the fresh air would bring her some clarity, but presently, all that the wind rippling through her hair was capable of doing, as she turned Jake's convertible down another street lined with sugarcane on both sides, was just that... rippling through her hair and tangling her golden strands as they twisted around in the air, occasionally slapping against her forehead. She reached up to secure a few pieces of hair behind her ear. In that precise moment, the car was jarred horribly to the right, and she found herself being pulled towards the side of the road as an ugly, load hissing noise permeated the air and drowned out the music coming from the radio.

"What in the hell?" She frowned, slowing the car to a bare roll as it thumped, thumped, thumped, and then lurched to a stop.

She threw the gear into park and let out a frustrated sigh as she yanked the car door open and got out. She walked cautiously around the back of the car, grimacing at the possibility of what she might find. The noise coming from the rear of the car still hissed and bubbled loudly, and as she neared the trunk of the car, her worst fears were confirmed. Her back right tire was seriously deflated, and presently deflating even more, part of the rubber was pulled slightly away from the rim.

Cursing under her breath, Meredith turned to look at the toad, searching for what might have caused her tire to tear away from the rim and flatten. Her eyes immediately zeroed in on a large pot hole several feet away. How had she not seen something so big? She knew the answer to her own question almost instantly. She simply hadn't been paying attention. Her mind had been so focused on thinking about Derek, that she hadn't even noticed the huge gaping hole in the road. A freaking blind person couldn't have missed it. Yet Meredith had. Now what was she going to do?

She cursed again and walked back to the driver's side door. Yanking it open again, she collapsed back behind the wheel and reached over to grab her purse from the passenger seat. She dug to the very bottom of her purse and fished out her cell phone. Flipping it open and looking down at the screen as it lit up, she almost screamed out in frustration. No service. Absolutely NO service. Not one freaking bar. Nothing.

She cursed under her breath for the third time in five minutes and then sat back, absently drumming her slender fingers against the steering wheel as she pondered what to do about her current situation. There was really only one thing she could do, she concluded. Well, there were actually several things she could do, but she certainly wasn't going to attempt to hitchhike her way anywhere. Not only would that be a very dangerous thing to do, but she doubted anyone would be passing by anytime soon. In the two hours she had been driving, she'd only passed a handful of cars, so the likelihood of someone driving by to lend her a helping hand was seriously out of the question. It was going to be getting dark within the next hour, so she didn't really have time to kill. There was only one thought that stuck out in her mind as her only option. She was going to have to change the tire herself.

Forcing herself out of the driver's seat once again, she walked around to the rear of the car and threw open the trunk. It was nearly empty, save for the car jack and the other thingy she knew she needed to change the tire, the name of which was escaping her at the moment. She grabbed both and set out to the task of changing the tire.

She crouched down next to the tire, staring at it intently, as of it were a specimen under a microscope in the hospital lab. She could do this. She _so_ could do this. She was a neuro resident for goodness sake! A _surgical_ neuro resident. Changing a freaking tire should be like changing her scrub top... compared to freaking brain surgery. Right?

The more time she spent, crouched down in front of the mangled, torn rubber that was once a tire, the more unsure she felt. She wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to do first. Jack up the car, or use the cross-looking iron doo-hickey? She thought for a moment. The cross-looking thingy, she knew, was supposed to loosen the bolts. _Or aren't they called lug-nuts? Who came up with that name?_ She scrunched up her face, her nose wrinkling as she figured that she needed to brace the car with the jack first, before she attempted to actually take the busted tire off of the rim. Nodding triumphantly at her obviously logical decision, Meredith slid the jack underneath the car. It slid rather roughly, the metal grating and scratching loudly against the rocky pavement. She had to shift onto her knees to balance herself, and then eventually, she had to lean over so far that it was easier for her to result to lying on her side so that she could get a better angle at the jack.

Ten minutes went by and Meredith still couldn't get the stupid jack to work properly. She had been pumping it with all her strength and the damn thing still wouldn't work. She just didn't understand it. Sighing in frustration, and letting a few very explicit words tumble from her lips, she shifted onto her back and stared up at the bottom of the car. Sweat beaded across her forehead and dotted the space above her upper lip. She wiped the beads of perspiration away with the back of her hand and began to work the jack again.

She was smack dab in the middle of a low, frustrated, angry growl, and was lifting her leg in the air, preparing to bring her foot down hard against the pavement in a very child-like, temper tantrum sort of way, when unbeknown to her, another vehicle was pulling over and parking right behind her. With her upper body hidden underneath the car, slightly muffling her growl, and her lower body sticking out, legs stomping in frustration, she didn't hear the driver get out of the vehicle and slam the door shut. Nor did she hear the sound of footsteps growing closer as they shuffled against the loose gravel sprawled out on the ground bordering the side of the road. The person stopped just a few inches to the right of Meredith's stomping legs and pivoted, the tips of the worn leather boots now facing the car.

"Need some help?" Asked an amused voice, just as Meredith's low, angry growl faded into silence.

Meredith froze, her hands slipping from the jack as she brought her feet gently to the ground. For a seemingly long stretch of a moment, she didn't move her body a single inch. But then slowly, as if it pained her, she moved her head to the side, her eyes landing on a pair of brown leather boots that were scuffed on top and worn thin at the soles. She let her eyes travel to the frayed hems of a pair of faded blue jeans, and then her gaze shifted upwards. The bottom of the car didn't allow her to see past her newcomers shins, but it didn't matter anyway. Meredith suspected she knew just who was standing there. She had heard the voice as clear as day. And seconds later, her suspicions were confirmed.

"Hi." Derek appeared in her line of vision, his head taking up the small space between the bottom of the car and the ground. He had been waiting for her reply, but when she had remained hidden, lying quite still and silent underneath the car, he decided to meet her at her level. And now, he was smiling at her, his eyes holding the same amusement that had been laced in his voice.

"Hi." Meredith smiled sheepishly as her wide eyes met his amused ones. They stared at each other for a moment in silence until Meredith thought she would burst if one of them didn't start speaking again.

"I have a flat." She blurted out.

"Yes, I see that." Derek nodded, his smile growing a little wider.

"I'm changing it... Was changing it... I am... changing... it. I think." She frowned, looking down at her hands that were now quite smudged and dirty.

"Do you need any help?" He asked for the second time, his face still twisted into an amused expression.

"Help? Why would I need any help? I can change a tire." Meredith stated rather unconvincingly.

"Right." He nodded, a slight chuckle escaping his lips.

"What?" She frowned again. "I can so change a tire!"

"OK." He simply said, his face disappearing from her line of vision as he straightened himself up.

"You don't think I can change a tire?" She asked incredulously, her voice coming out muffled from underneath the car. She wiggled herself out from under the car, but stayed seated on the ground as she peered up at him.

Derek held his hands up in defense, his smile now a slight smirk. "I didn't say you couldn't." He stated, taking a step back as Meredith furrowed her brow at him.

"But you didn't agree that I could." She pointed out.

"Well," he hesitated.

"What?" She snapped.

Derek sighed and knelt down beside her. He bent down and motioned for her to follow his gaze towards the jack that still sat beneath the car. He reached out, slowly pulling the jack closer towards them, but stopped just before the jack came within a few inches from being completely out from underneath the car.

"The jack won't work unless it can actually touch the bottom frame of the car." He explained, his hand firmly patting the frame that Meredith so obviously missed.

"Oh. Right." Meredith nodded quietly. "I knew that."

Derek laughed again and then stood up, holding his hand out for Meredith to take. he helped her to her feet, their hands lingering together. Blushing at the contact, Meredith eased her fingers away from his grasp and looked at him expectantly.

"What now, Mr. Know-it-all?" She asked teasingly as she smiled at him.

Derek frowned at first, but then his lips spread into a grin and he shook his head at her. "Now we change the tire." He replied.

Meredith followed him to the back of the car where he proceeded to pull out the spare that she had forgotten to take out from the trunk. He rolled the spare towards the back tire and then left Meredith standing there as he walked to his jeep for a moment. When he came back, Meredith nearly fainted.

Gone was the blue dress shirt he had been wearing with his jeans, and it had been replaced by a white tank top that he had obviously been wearing underneath the dress shirt. The vibrantly white shirt made his skin look even more tanned, and his perfectly sculpted arms flexed wonderfully as he began to change the tire. 

Everything from that point on sort of became a blur to Meredith. She stood silently by, every once and a while finding that she had to remind herself to breathe as she watched his skilled surgeon hands get greasy from manual labor. With every precise movement of his arms, Meredith thought she would literally die. 

Throughout the entire process, Derek talked to her, telling her exactly what he was doing at the exact moment he was doing it. He was trying to teach her about how to change a tire, and Meredith heard his voice, but the words fell just short of reaching the part of her brain that would actually be able to hold all of this information. She found herself nodding, saying 'ah-huh' and 'right' and 'OK', but truth be told, she wasn't following his words one single bit.

She _was_ following the lines of his muscles and the way that a few stray curls would fall against his forehead when he moved a certain way, though. And on several occasions, she had to shove her hands into the front pockets of her shorts to keep from reaching out and brushing his hair back. She fought hard to keep her hands at bay, because she knew that if she touched his hair, her fingertips would start buzzing and then they'd want to start touching other places. And they were on the side of the road for goodness sake! In broad daylight! OK, it was actually about to get dark, but still! Someone could drive by and see her assaulting him with her hands. That wouldn't look very lady-like. She might have succeeded in controlling her hands, but her mind? Well, that was another story all together. She let her mind wonder. And wonder... it did!

In fact, she was still wondering, very successfully, when she realized that Derek was talking to her again. And not only was he talking to her, but he was standing up, right in front of her and giving her a very puzzled expression. Her eyes left his muscular frame for a moment as she quickly took in her surroundings. The mangled tire was gone. Out of sight. A smaller spare tire was in it's place and the ground was no longer littered with the tools that Derek had been working with. Her eyes focused back on Derek again.

"What were you saying?" She asked, her voice coming out a little breathless.

Derek just wrinkled his forehead. "I was saying that you're going to need a new tire. This spare is not meant as a permanent tire for this car. And you shouldn't drive faster than 45 miles per hour. It'll be getting dark soon, so I'll follow you home to make sure that you make it there safely." He explained, his voice leaving no room for protests. It didn't matter anyway, because in this moment, he probably could've told her that the sky was falling and she'd just agree and smile.

And that's exactly what she did. Agreed and smiled. "OK." Her lips curled up. "So, umm... OK. You follow me and I'll just... I'll... go first?"

"Right." Derek nodded, a confused sort of smile tugging at his lips. "But don't drive fast. Keep it at 45 or below."

"45 or below. Got it." She replied, finally taking a few steps forward, passing him and walking around the car. She slid in behind the wheel and watched him from her rear view mirror as he climbed into his jeep.

She felt like an idiot. Not only did she not know how to change a freaking tire, but she completely embarrassed herself by staring at him as he worked on the car, and then she had to go and get completely tongue-tied and stupid when he tried to talk to her. What was her problem? She'd _never_ felt this nervous around a guy before in her life. Granted, there was usually a bar and some tequila thrown into the mix, but that cocktail had already been shaken, stirred, and very readily consumed on their first encounter. She couldn't figure out. None of it. And it left her feeling confused and lost, and many other things she didn't really want to admit at the moment.

In no time at all, she was turning her car slowly onto the gravel driveway that led to her aunt and uncle's home. She checked her rear view mirror for the thousandth time, trying desperately to keep a smile off of her face when her eyes landed on the familiar red jeep that had been following her for miles. She parked the car and got out, half expecting to just wave a quick goodbye to Derek and go on into the house, but he had already climbed out of his jeep and was making his way to where she stood in the driveway. He stopped just a few feet from her and shoved his hands into the back pockets of his jeans as he smiled.

"We're here." She announced. She gave him an awkward smile.

"We're here." He nodded and tilted his head.

She waited a few moments for him to say something else, but he just continued to stare at her with that amazing smile of his.

"And... you're still... here." Her hesitant voice cut into the silence.

"Meredith," He began, saying her name rather affectionately, "I-"

"What?" She asked quietly, nervously catching her bottom lip between her teeth. She had an inclination about what he was going to say, and although her mind was screaming 'Bolt! Bolt now!', she found her feet planted firmly to the ground, keeping her in place against her will.

"I have the next few days off." He reminded her. "We should do something. It might be fun."

His voice sounded so hopeful that Meredith started to feel guilty about what she was about to do. "Thanks for helping me with the car, Derek. And thanks for the offer, really. I appreciate it, but I just... I can't." She said, catching her lip between her teeth again.

"You can't?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

Meredith winced, her heart sinking into her stomach. "It's not anything against you, I promise. It's just... complicated, because... well, I'm actually supposed to be married right now, which I'm... not," her face twisted in confusion at her own words, "which is a completely different story all together. And, I'm all confused and lost-"

"Confused and lost?" Derek's forehead crinkled in a frown.

"Dark and twisty." She said. "Possibly even scary and damaged."

"Scary and damaged?" He was having a hard time following her.

"And probably not much fun to be with at the moment." She continued, "Plus, I think I have a few too many skeletons in my thing... or whatever. So, I'm sure you'd get very annoyed with me. And really, the simple truth is... I'm not dating right now, or committing, or... anything." She let out a nervous breath, wringing her hands together in front of her as she opened her mouth to say something else. But, Derek's voice halted her own.

"Meredith, I'm not asking you for a commitment. Or even a date, really." He said softly, his expression gentle even after listening to the word vomit she seemed to spew beyond her control. "I just want to get to know you. Introduce you to my friends. Take you fishing. Just... hang out. I can even bring you to the hospital and let you watch a surgery or two."

"Seriously?" She asked, her face relaxing a little.

He nodded in response and ran his fingers through his hair. "You're going to be here for another two months, Meredith. And this place might seem desolate compared to life in New York, but there's actually a lot to do here. Do you really want to spend your entire summer couped up inside alone, or do you want to do something fun, and maybe even a little adventurous with a few new friends?" He asked, his blue eyes challenging, yet warm.

Meredith gave him a skeptical look as she considered his offer. She really didn't want to be couped up alone all summer. And Derek was only offering his friendship. She could accept that. Right? Even if he looked like that? And talked like that? And treated her so kindly? She could be keep it friendly. Right? Of course she could.

She tilted her head curiously. "Is Mark included in this group of friends?" She asked with a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

Derek chuckled. "Not if you don't want him to be."

She laughed then, that sweet girlish giggle he had heard the first time, before he had even laid eyes on her. His heart swelled and in the back of his mind he knew that it was going to be hard to keep his promise about keeping this thing with Meredith on a friendly level. But, he would try. For her. Because she was growing on him as each second passed. And because she looked like she could really use a good friend right now, if only she would let him in.

"OK." He heard her say. "Fine." She smiled.

"Really?" He grinned, his eyes lighting up and turning a very light and brilliant blue.

"Really." She nodded. "And Mark can be included." She laughed again.

He laughed with her this time. "OK, well. It's settled then. I have a few errands to take care of first thing in the morning, and I'll call you afterwards. We'll make some plans. How does that sound?"

"Sounds... fine."

"Fine?" He smirked.

"Great. It sounds great." She sighed happily.

"OK. Tomorrow." He smiled again. He was supposed to be turning around and leaving now, but his feet weren't really cooperating at the moment. Meredith seemed to have the same problem.

"Tomorrow." She agreed with a nod.

"Goodnight, Meredith." He took a step back. That was progress.

"Goodnight, Derek. And thanks... for the tire... thing." She stopped wringing her hands and smiled again.

"Your welcome." He replied, giving her one last smile before turning around and walking back to his jeep. He climbed behind the wheel and turned on the ignition. With a final wave, he drove away, his heart and mind racing at the opportunity to get to know the beautiful girl that was standing in the driveway and watching him disappear into the horizon.


	17. Chapter 17: Leave The Pieces

**Chapter Seventeen: Leave The Pieces**

_**And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine  
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine  
Just take your love and hit the road  
There's nothing you can do or say  
You're gonna break my heart anyway  
So just leave the pieces when you go**_

You can drag out the heartache  
Baby you can make it quick  
Really get it over with  
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself  
With this mess you've left for me  
I can clean it up, you see  
Just as long as you're gone  
**Leave The Pieces by The Wreckers**

Nestled into the right corner of the sun room sits a very plush and comfortable chair. If one sank down into it's soft cushions, and looked out of the large window that allowed the sun's rays to display it's magnificent golden hues, one could see sugarcane fields for miles as they disappeared into the horizon. If one sat long enough, one could also watch as the sun rose high into the blue sky and warmed the day as it's rays made everything below it seem that much greener. One could also have a very wonderful view of the large oak tree planted just to the right of the backyard, which proudly displayed a few hummingbird feeders hanging from the low branches growing close to the ground for the tiny birds to fly happily around and sip sweet nectar whenever their little hearts deemed fit.

These were the exact reasons why Meredith had found solace in this quiet little spot this morning... or, so she told her aunt as she excused herself from the breakfast table. Because Meredith would never sit here for the sole purpose of listening for the phone, which conveniently sat upon the small mahogany table next to the very plush and comfortable chair. That admission would mean that Meredith was waiting for a call. Which she certainly was not. Meredith Grey did not wait around for a man to call her. That would be absurd. She had more important things to do with her time. Like... watch the sun rise higher in the light blue sky. And follow the hummingbirds as they flitted about and drank nectar from feeders hung on the branches of the oak tree.

Meredith's busy morning was going great so far. There was a lot of action over by the oak tree. She'd seen about five little hummingbirds so far this morning. They were actually quite busy as well, much like herself. She tried to determine if she was seeing the same birds fly by and sip the nectar from the feeders, or if maybe the previous birds had left to spread the news to other birds, and were successful in their recruiting abilities. She leaned forward in her chair a little, trying to get a better view, but it was no use. The hummingbirds were too far away and they flew awfully fast, their little wings flapping about until they became blurry and hard to follow.

She settled back into the chair and focused her attention on the way the breeze filtered through the trees and the tops of the sugarcane leaves. She tried her very best to keep her eyes forward and her attention trained on the scenery past the windows of the sun room, but she couldn't help but steal a glance or two at the silent phone that sat on the table beside her. It was like a magnet, pulling, pulling, pulling at her. She began to fidget and get restless after a short while. She glanced at her watch. Was it really almost noon? Why hadn't he called yet? _Stop it, Meredith. Just stop._

She imagined that if Cristina could see her now, she'd never hear the end of it. She could almost hear Cristina's voice in her mind, complete with eye rolling visuals saying, _Meredith, seriously! Sitting by the phone and waiting for someone from the male species to call you? How 1950's of you. Get your ass up and do something productive with your time._ And Cristina would be right, Meredith figured as she sighed and gazed out onto the very sunny backyard.

Reluctantly, Meredith pulled herself out of the chair and left the sun room. She was not going to waste her time sitting around and waiting for Derek to call her. There were more productive things she could do with her time. Things like... make her bed, which was still up in her room, covers un-tucked and half hanging onto the floor. Yes, that was something she could do. She climbed the stairs to her bedroom and started to do just that. In no time at all, she had made her bed and hung up the load of clothes she had washed late last night.

She was hunched over the chair in the corner, gathering up another load of dirty clothes when she heard the phone ring. She stood up straight and froze. A few shirts fell onto the floor, but Meredith didn't move and inch to pick them up. Her heart was beating against her chest, loudly filling her ear drums. Her entire body pulsed along with the beating rhythm that filled her from the inside and her breathing hitched in her throat. She waited silently, straining to hear anything.

And there it was, her aunt's voice, faintly calling her name from the kitchen. Meredith dropped the pile of clothes down, not caring that they fell onto the floor, as she bolted from her bedroom and raced down the stairs. When she reached the last two steps, she slowed her pace, not wanting her aunt to know that she had just sprinted towards the kitchen without hesitation. She entered the warm kitchen calmly, her steps light, yet determined. Aunt Meg was standing near the stove, reading the label of a can the Meredith couldn't identify.

"Phone's for me?" Meredith asked, trying not to make her voice sound breathless, like she hadn't just ran down the stairs like a love-sick teenager waiting for her boyfriend to call. Because, Derek was certainly NOT her boyfriend. Nor did she want him to be.

Aunt Meg nodded and handed her the portable phone. Meredith placed her hand over the mouth piece and looked at her aunt expectantly. "Who is it?" She whispered, biting on her lower lip as she waited for her aunt's response.

Aunt Meg shrugged, "I don't know, dear. I didn't ask."

Meredith frowned.

"But it's a male, if that's what your asking." Aunt Meg's mouth curled into a slight smirk as she turned and walked back towards the pantry and began to dig around for something else hidden in the shelves.

Meredith smiled and let out a breath of relief. She carried the phone with her into the sun room and sank into the chair in the corner again. She brought the phone to ear slowly, her mind racing for the perfect greeting to say. At first, she was going to start off sweet and nice, but then a streak of playfulness hit her and she found herself saying something rather snarky, yet teasing.

"Well, it's about time. I was beginning to think you had forgotten all about me." She said into the receiver.

"If I would have known you were waiting for my call, I would have called sooner." Said the male voice on the other end of the line.

His tone was just as teasing, but something was off. This was not Derek's voice. This was nowhere near Derek's voice. This was the voice of someone extremely familiar. A voice that Meredith was very shocked to hear. Her playful smile faded into a fearful frown.

"I'm sorry. I thought..." She swallowed hard before continuing, "I thought you were someone else." Her voice came out shaky and agitated.

"Oh. So, you aren't happy to hear from me?" The voice asked.

The anger was beginning to build now. How like him to be so nonchalant. Like he didn't just crush her heart and embarrass her in front of her friends and everyone she knew and respected at work. "Not particularly." She replied, her voice now clipped and bitter.

"Ahhh. Now, there's the Meredith I know." He said, referring to her changed tone.

"What do you want? And how did you get this number?" She asked. She could feel the dark cloud looming above her head. This day was starting to take a turn for the worst.

"It wasn't easy, that's for sure. You've got your friends keeping their lips sealed about you." He let out a bitter sounding chuckle. "But, your mother's a different story. She was very generous about informing me of your whereabouts and how I could get a hold of you."

Meredith let out a frustrated sigh, "Remind me to thank her later." She said sarcastically.

"No need. I already thanked her." He replied back. She could almost see the sneer on his face from thousands of miles away.

"What do you want?" She groaned into the phone.

The was a short silence. And then a sigh. "I just wanted to check on you, Meredith. See how you're holding up." His voice sounded so sincere, but Meredith wasn't buying it.

"Oh, give me a break. It's not like you actually care about how I'm doing. And frankly, you don't get the right to ask." She barked into the phone.

"Come on, Meredith. I don't understand why we can't get passed this. We were friends once, you know."

"Yeah." She snorted, a hollow laugh escaping her somehow. "I think we might have even loved each other at some point, but that was before you lied, cheated, and ruined my life."

"Meredith, cut me some slack, here!" He pleaded.

Another empty laugh escaped her again. "Slack? Are you kidding me? Is there something wrong with your brain, because the last time I checked, you had enough slack to fall into bed with another woman. Yeah. I think you've had your fair share of slack." She replied bitterly.

"I apologized, Meredith! What more do you want from me?" He asked.

_Oh, I don't know... voluntarily jump in front of a moving train? Throw yourself off a cliff? Die a very slow and painful death? Take your pick!_

"Nothing." She replied flatly. "I don't want anything from you. Ever."

"I just..." He trailed off and sighed. "I just wanted to see how you're holding up."

That had Meredith laughing again. "Oh, gee! Thanks! Thanks for that. Yeah. Thanks for breaking my heart, ruining my life, running off into the sunset with another woman and then apologizing and making sure I'm 'holding up'. I really appreciate that. Yeah. Thanks!" She replied sarcastically as she stood from the chair and walked angrily towards the front of the house. She had to move, otherwise, the anger that was brewing was sure going to have her exploding. Moving felt better, so she marched right out of the front door and began pacing along the length of the front porch. "You're wasting your breath and my time." She said into the receiver as she made another trip along the weathered boards beneath her feet.

Now he was laughing. "I'm wasting your time? Meredith, you're in hillbilly country. You have all the time in the world. You could at least do me the favor of telling me that your OK." There was that sincere sounding tone again, but Meredith didn't miss the underlying tone of 'bastard' that lay beneath the surface.

Meredith stopped pacing and let her head drop back as she let out a very frustrated and angry huffing noise. This was unbelievable. As she lifted her head and settled her gaze over the front yard, a vision of red between the green oak trees caught her attention. She squinted her eyes and took a few steps forward to get a better look. Her breath hitched in her throat and time seemed to stop. It wasn't until her ear was pierced with someone screaming did she register that her name was being called over and over on the other end of the line. As her heart leaped from it's place in the pit of her stomach, passed it's original spot in her chest on it's way up to her throat, her anger shifted into something resembling happiness. And maybe a little bit of excitement and anticipation.

"Meredith! Are you still there?" Came the voice on the other end of the line again.

Meredith nodded, even though it wasn't visible over the phone lines. "Yes. I'm here. Which is exactly the point." She smiled. "I'm here... in hillbilly country as you say. And I have all the time in the world. And you know what? None of that time is being spent on you. So, to answer your question, you stupid jackass... YES! I'm doing perfectly fine. Thank you VERY much!"

And with that, Meredith ended the call, tossed the phone onto the front porch swing and bounded down the steps to meet Derek, who had just parked his jeep and was heading right towards her. 


	18. Chapter 18: We All Fall Down

**Chapter Eighteen: We All Fall Down**

_**We all fall down  
It's the gettin' back up that really counts  
We live and we learn  
To help someone up when it's their turn  
In life there's only one guarantee  
Your feet won't always be on the ground  
'Cause we all fall down**_**  
We All Fall Down by Diamond Rio**

As soon as Derek caught sight of Meredith bounding down the porch steps and advancing towards him, his heart leaped inside his chest. She looked like a beautiful summer vision with her hair up in a ponytail, her green tank top accentuating the curves of her chest and hugging her waist before stopping at the hips of her khaki shorts. She even had on matching green flip flops with little white polka dots on them, which Derek would have never noticed on any other girl. But, on Meredith, everything seemed to stand out and look perfect. He smiled at her warmly as she stopped just a few feet away from him.

"Hey." He greeted her, watching as her lips curled into a soft smile.

"Hey." She replied, glancing at the ground shyly before bringing her gaze up to meet his again.

"Sorry I didn't call. I know I said I would, but I got called in this morning for an emergency surgery and I finished right before lunch, so I just decided to head straight over. I hope that's OK." His voice sounded hopeful and Meredith giggled slightly at the worried expression that crossed his face.

"It's definitely OK." She said, instantly washing away any doubt that had crept into his thoughts. "You actually arrived at the perfect time."

"Oh, really?" He grinned, his heart soaring at her words. "And why is that?"

Meredith opened her mouth and almost spilled about her phone call, but before she could form the words, something in the back of her mind told her that it wouldn't be a very wise decision to just start spewing her problems all over this man that wanted to be her friend. He might run screaming for the hills, which would actually be a far place to run to considering that this part of Louisiana was as flat as a board. Instead, she opted for a lighter approach.

"Because I haven't had any lunch yet and I'm starving. Got any good places to take me?" She asked playfully, her hands now clasped behind her back as she rocked onto the balls of her feet. She grinned at him and tilted her head as she waited for his reply.

Flirting. She was flirting with him. "I think I might." He replied back just as playfully. "What are you in the mood for?' He asked.

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know. Surprise me."

"Are you sure about that?" Derek gave her a skeptical look. "This might turn out to be the 'adventure' part of our conversation yesterday." He laughed.

"I could use a little adventure right now." She said confidently.

After running inside to grab her purse and let Aunt Meg know she was leaving, Meredith climbed into the passenger seat of Derek's jeep and they set off. Ten minutes later, Derek pulled his jeep into the parking lot of a small convenience store. He killed the engine and turned to Meredith.

"Let's eat."

Meredith didn't budge. Her gaze shifted to the store in front of her and then back to Derek again. "You do realize that this is a gas station... right?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"And you do realize when I said surprise me, I didn't mean take me to a gas station so I can get one of those questionable looking hot dogs that have been rolling around in a machine under a heat lamp for days on end... right?" She furrowed her brow at him.

"Yes." He laughed.

"So what are we doing here?" She asked.

"Do you trust me?" He tilted his head.

Meredith gave him a wary look and contemplated the answer to that question. When she didn't give him an answer right away, he laughed again.

"Meredith, I'm a bit of a health nut. I would _never_ eat one of those hot dogs, nor would I make you eat one. So, do you trust me?" He asked again.

"Yes." She finally replied.

The strong smell of seafood wafted over Meredith as she walked in and followed Derek to the back of the store. They stopped side by side at a large counter that took up half of the back wall. In mere seconds, a short black haired, and very tanned older man, stepped out of an open doorway to the left of the counter.

"Dr. Shepherd!" He greeted with a friendly smile. "I haven't seen you around lately. Hospital keeping you busy?" He spoke with a thick Cajun accent.

"Like always." Derek replied, reaching out to shake the man's hand as they smiled warmly at each other. "Tom Breaux, meet Meredith Grey. Meredith, this is Tom, the owner of the store and the best seafood chef in town."

"Nice to meet you, Meredith." Tom smiled as he shook her hand firmly.

"You, too." Meredith returned the gesture.

Tom turned to Derek again and nodded. "What can I gettcha today? You hear to place your usual order? Kinda late in the season for one of your boils. I'm used to you stopping by a month earlier."

"No." Derek shook his head. "We had to cancel this year. Too many summer crazed teenagers jumping into nearby lake and ponds. I was stuck in surgery too much. I think I just need about... fifteen pounds." Derek said surely.

"Live?" Tom asked with raised eyebrows.

"What did he just say?" Meredith turned to Derek and asked in a hushed voice before he could answer Tom. "Did he just ask if you wanted whatever your ordering alive or dead?" The look on her face was priceless and Derek couldn't help but laugh.

"Boiled." He said to Tom, a smirk on his face as he watched Tom nod and disappear behind the doorway he had entered from. He turned to Meredith and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Relax, Meredith. I'm not going to make you eat anything alive. What kind of beer do you drink?" He asked, changing the subject as he walked off towards the coolers along the right side of the room.

Meredith followed him silently and watched as he grabbed a twelve pack of Bud Light from the cooler. "This OK?" He asked, raising it up for her to see. She nodded in response while Derek grabbed a few bottles of water and made his way back to the counter. In only a matter of seconds, Tom appeared again, a large plastic sack in his arms loaded with something so steamy and hot that it fogged the plastic and Meredith couldn't see what was inside. She inched closer, but as she got near, Tom placed the plastic bag inside a large brown paper bag and closed it up tight. Derek paid for the mysterious food and the beer and water, and she followed him back outside, and climbed into the jeep silently.

When Derek slid in behind the wheel, Meredith turned to face him. "Are you going to tell me what exactly's in that bag?" She asked curiously, giving him another apprehensive look.

Derek smiled at her as he turned the key in the ignition and brought the jeep to life again. "Crawfish." He replied as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Crawfish? Well that certainly was not what Meredith was expecting for lunch. But, she did tell Derek to surprise her. And he did say that this might be an adventure. He was right about the surprise part, and as they arrived at Derek's house and he began to show her exactly how to peel and eat the crawfish, Meredith was definitely sure that he was right about the adventure part, as well.

Derek was very surprised to learn that Meredith had never been to a crawfish boil, nor had she ever learned to peel crawfish, despite the fact that she informed him that she used to spend her summers here when she was younger. Meredith explained to him that she usually let her uncle peel them for her, or she would wait until the leftovers were peeled and added into her aunt's crawfish bisque.

"Well, now you're getting the full Cajun experience then." He winked at her as he watched her peel another crawfish.

They were standing on the back patio of Derek's house next to the pool where Derek had set up a small card table for them to eat on. They made small talk and laughed, and were both enjoying the sunny afternoon, but Derek couldn't help but notice a small hint of sadness in Meredith eyes, despite her laughter and easy going nature. His concern only grew when she became quite and a little reserved.

"Are you OK?" He asked softly, his concern for her written plainly in his eyes.

Meredith looked up at him swiftly, her eyes widening a little. She swatted her hand in the air as if to push his concern away. "I'm fine." She replied. She tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but her voice failed her. She looked up again and smiled at him weakly as he tilted his head and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You're not fine and you know it." He said sternly.

"How would you know?" She asked challengingly as she tried her best to give him a playful smirk. But her intended smirk only made it to a small smile before falling into a frown.

"OK, now you're frowning, which is not allowed." He half-seriously scolded her. He reached into the cooler and took out two beers. "Here, drink this. It'll help." He told her, placing one of the ice cold beers in her hand.

"I don't think I should drink anymore. I've already had two." She replied, but took a sip anyway.

Derek gave her a sideways glance, "Every time I've run into you, you've either been drunk or had a drink in your hand. Now you're going to tell me that you should stop at two?" He laughed.

"I knew it." Meredith sighed. "I knew you probably thought I was an alcoholic."

Derek stopped laughing and gave her a shocked look. "I don't think you're an alcoholic." He said matter-of-factly. "I think that you're just lonely and sad and dealing with a heartbreak."

"You don't know the half of it." Meredith replied, letting a small laugh escape her lips.

"So fill me in, Ms. I'll-never-date-another-doctor-as-long-as-I-live." He teased her.

Meredith rolled her eyes at him, but smiled despite the embarrassment as she was reminded of their run-in at the strawberry festival. "Please don't remind me of what I said when I was drunk. I ramble enough as it is when I'm sober, and when I'm drunk... well, I don't have to tell you what happens, do I?" She laughed again.

Derek laughed with her, but then his face grew serious. "Come on, tell me." He pleaded. "What's troubling you and causing your beautiful face to frown?" He asked with a warm smile.

Meredith blushed and cleared her throat as their eyes locked. She tried not to think of that fact that he had just called her beautiful, and she found herself having to look away from him and force her brain to keep herself in the present conversation. What was she frowning about? Oh, right. The phone call she received earlier had somehow weaseled itself into her thoughts and she had been thinking about it on and off this afternoon. She took a few more sips of her drink and then looked back up at Derek who was looking at her expectantly. She figured she might as well tell him... since they were supposed to be starting a new friendship and all.

"Right before you arrived at my aunt's house earlier, I received a phone call from my ex." She admitted sadly.

"The one who caused such frowning?" Derek asked teasingly.

"Yes." Meredith nodded, the corners of her mouth curling slightly as she looked into his eyes again.

"And what exactly did said 'ex' say and do to make you frown again?" He leaned against one of the patio beams and listened to her reply.

"Well, it was the first time I'd talked to him since about a week before I left to come down here. We didn't really part on good terms." She sighed, her attention focused on the crawfish in her hands. She really wasn't hungry anymore, but she kept her hands busy picking at the small lobster looking creature. It made her feel less nervous when her hands were fidgeting with something. "Anyway, he said he was calling to check on me. Can you believe that?" And ironic sounding laugh escaped her as she looked back up at Derek and gave him a disbelieving look. "I mean, he breaks my heart, ruins our would-be wedding, and then wants to call and see if I'm OK. Isn't that ridiculous?"

Derek nodded silently and gave her a sympathetic smile. "He sounds like a real ass."

"If you only knew." She rolled her eyes.

"What happened between you two? What in the hell did he do?" Derek asked curiously.

Meredith sighed again. "We moved in together about a month before the wedding was to take place. It was just easier for us to go ahead and move in since our schedules were so busy and we ended up staying with each other most night anyway. We found and bought a two bedroom apartment near the hospital, where we both worked. He's a doctor, which you already know. A cardiothorasic surgeon. Everything felt... perfect, you know?" She took another sip of beer as Derek waited for her to continue.

"Anyway, a week and five days before the wedding, we were both at home together, which is rare, considering our schedules. I was folding laundry and he was in the office, doing some research and checking his e-mail. I heard his pager going off in the kitchen because I was sitting on the couch nearby. I yelled for him and when he came in, he answered his page from the kitchen phone. It was someone at the hospital and ten minutes later, he was still talking. I got up to put some towels away, and passed the office on my way to the bathroom." Meredith stopped talking for a moment and it looked as though she was trying to gather up enough strength to say the rest. Finally, she took a deep breath and carried on, "To this day, I don't even know what made me look. Call it intuition, a gut feeling, fate... I don't know. But, I placed the laundry basket down in the hallway and walked into the office. And there, plain as day on the laptop was his list of recent e-mails. At first, I didn't think anything of it. Most of them were just... close friends, family. But, then I saw something from one of the doctors at the hospital. A female doctor. And the subject of her e-mail was not very appropriate for work related material. So, against all judgment, and my own screaming inside voice, I clicked on it and read it."

Meredith stopped talking again and stared ahead silently. She could feel her eyes start to sting as tears welled up, but she forced them away as she blinked rapidly. She turned to Derek again and could see the sadness filling his feature.

"He'd been sleeping with her for a few months, I think. I'm not really sure exactly how long, because he tried to deny everything at first, but I saw right through his bullshit." She smiled weakly. "I feel sort of stupid because I guess I should have seen the signs... the clues as to what was going on, but he was so good at lying about it. I was blindsided. I really had no idea that this was going on." She shrugged and looked away. "I guess I should have listened to my gut a long time ago."

"What do you mean?" Derek asked, his mind reeling at all of this information.

"Dating him was all my mother's idea." Meredith informed him. "She was Chief of Surgery at New York General when he came to work there. She hired him. He worships my mother." She rolled her eyes. "And when I first started my internship, my mother introduced us and nearly pushed us to be together. See, he's cold and straight forward like her when he's at work. She thought he'd be perfect for me. She though he'd help me keep my head on straight and keep my goals in check. At first, things were... forced. But, as time went on, we sort of grew on each other. When he asked me to marry him, I felt like I had no choice in the matter. My mother was ecstatic. We had only been engaged for 6 months and I actually started to feel love for him. And he treated me like a princess. But, frankly, I think he just did that for show. He's all about status and wealth. And I think he only agreed to marry me because of who my mother is. She's the one who told him where he could reach me. She's probably thinking that our relationship is still salvageable. But, my mother is retired now, and she had no idea that he's been parading all of the hospital with the doctor he was sleeping with attached to his arm like arm candy."

"And how do you know that he is?" Derek asked.

Meredith giggled mischievously at that question.

"OK, that was a scary laugh." Derek grinned.

"I have lots of friends that work at the hospital. They keep me informed about everything." She told him matter-of-factly.

"Wow, Meredith. That's... wow. I'm surprised you're still standing." He said seriously.

"Are you kidding me? Standing? I'm doing much worse than falling down, Derek. I've gone into hiding. I left everything behind to come here and get away from all of it. I'm sure the gossip is running like wild fire throughout the hospital. There's no telling what people are coming up with as my excuse for getting the hell out of dodge." Meredith said, drinking the last of her beer.

Without hesitation or question, Derek reached into the cooler and grabbed another beer for her. "Thank you." She replied, no longer holding back. She needed another drink after letting out all of the information she just spilled.

Derek nodded in response and turned to face her again. "So what if people talk. It shouldn't matter. You should just... go about your business and do what you have to do to get over it. To heal. Screw everyone else." He said confidently.

Meredith laughed at his optimism. "Thanks." She smiled.

"No problem." He nodded.

"So here I am." Meredith sighed. "I've retreated as far south as I could, hoping to clear my head and regroup. I don't think I can venture anywhere else."

"And you don't need to." He replied. "This is the perfect place for you to pick yourself back up."

"How are you so sure?" Meredith asked him in a soft quiet voice as she peered into his amazing blue eyes.

Derek sighed and gave her a look that left no room for argument. "Because it's the exact place that I came back to, in order to do the same."

Meredith eyed him closely. "And what did you, Dr. Derek Shepherd, need to be picked back up from?" 

Derek leaned closer and looked into her soft green eyes. "We may come from different places, Meredith, but we're more alike than you think."

"How so?" She asked.

"Because just like you," Derek replied, "I'm supposed to be married right now, too." 


	19. Chapter 19: Want To

**Chapter Nineteen: Want To**

Derek and Meredith sat next to each other by the pool. Derek had his jeans rolled up to his knees and they both had their feet dangling lazily in the cool, crystal blue water. When he had told Meredith that he should be married right now, too, it had floored her. So, now, they were sitting side by side and Derek was preparing to start at the beginning. Meredith turned to face him, looking into the soft blue orbs that seemed magnified by the reflection of the water in the pool below. She listened intently as he told her his story of finding love for the first time...

_Derek had been friends with Addison Montgomery since Kindergarten. Their parents were close friends and they spent nearly every holiday together. They went to school together, they played together, they experienced everything together. And then sixth grade came, and with it, a new friendship was added to the duo with the arrival of Mark Sloan. From that point on, they were 'The Three Muskateers.' They were an inseparable trio, always taking care of each other and always together._

Until, one day, during the summer before their senior year of high school, things changed. For years, Derek had been suppressing his feelings for Addison. Sure, they flirted and picked on each other from time to time, and he always wondered what it would be like to be her boyfriend, but he never acted on it. He didn't want to ruin their friendship, their strong bond. Mark picked on him constantly, always calling Derek out on his feelings towards Addison, but he just shoved Mark's comments away, or ended up literally shoving Mark down on the ground playfully as he laughed and changed the subject. But, something was different this one summers day. Something inside Derek made him push the thoughts of being with Addison to the forefront of his brain where it lingered and festered and became something that he couldn't push away.

They had all agreed to go fishing in the lake near Derek's house, but when he arrived with his dad's boat, Addison was the only one there to meet him. Apparently, Mark had scored himself a date later, and he needed time to work on his plan to woo his next victim. Addison had looked radiant, her long red hair blowing in the summer breeze. She was tanned and beautiful and Derek's heart had soared at the way she smiled at him when he sat next to her on the pier.

_**I've packed a cooler and a change of clothes  
Let's jump and see how far it goes  
You got my heart and your daddy's boat  
We got all night to make it float  
We could sit on the shore, we could just be friends  
Or we could jump in**___

It was late afternoon by the time they had finished fishing. It was an exceptionally hot day and both of them were exhausted. Derek brought the boat slowly back to the pier, but before Addison could get out, he had jumped up and pushed her into the water. He thought she'd be mad at his little prank, but the cool water felt good after sitting in the hot sun, and when Derek held his hand out to help her up, she yanked on his arm and sent him careening into the water with her.

When he surfaced, he came face to face with her, her smile as bright as the sun. An all out splashing war began between them. Laughter filled the air around them and neither of them had a care in the world. Derek dipped down into the water and tugged on Addison's leg, bringing her under. She swam back up quickly and then pounced on him as she tried to dunk his head under. But, he was too strong for her. His hands reached out and grabbed onto her arms, stopping her from trying to force him down. They laughed together, but when Derek stilled her movements, it was like everything else around them stilled as well.

_**Whole world could change in a minute  
Just one kiss could stop this spining  
We could think it through  
But I don't want to, if you don't want to  
We could keep things just the same  
Leave here the way we came, with nothing to lose  
But I don't want to, if you don't want to**___

Without a moments hesitation for either of them, they were kissing. Addison's arms were wrapping around Derek's neck and his arms snaked themselves around her waist. They held onto each other in the water, kissing for what seemed like hours. When they pulled back breathlessly, Derek felt like everything in his life had shifted, and there was no going back. Addison must have felt the same way because she didn't freak out, or run, she just... smiled at him and ran her fingers through his hair.

Later on that night, beside the glowing light of the campfire near the barn, and wrapped up together in a sleeping bag, the thin line between friendship and lovers was crossed. To be truthful, they both seemed to jumped over the line without a second thought to the matter of what this meant or how deep this effected their relationship, and would effect it for the rest of their lives. They were in love now. Nothing else mattered.

_**I got your ring around my neck  
And a couple of nights I don't regret  
You got a dream of a degree  
And a shirt that smells like me  
Yeah we both got dreams, we could chase alone  
Or we could make our own**___

The summer faded into fall and their senior year began. They were joined at the hip, attending dances together, applying to the same colleges together, and occasionally hanging out with Mark (when they weren't sneaking off somewhere to fool around or make love). Things were really heating up between them and they made their friends sick with all of their google-eyed looks, or constant kissing and touching. Everything seemed right with the world.

_**Whole world could change in a minute  
Just one kiss could stop this spining  
We could think it through  
But I don't want to, if you don't want to  
We could keep things just the same  
Leave here the way we came, with nothing to lose  
But I don't want to, if you don't want to**___

When Spring arrived, they found themselves agreeing to attend the same college in New Orleans. Summer flew by again and in the fall they set off together. It was only a two hour drive from where they were from and they both decided to live in the dorms the first year. Addison joined a sorority and Derek joined a fraternity, even though it wasn't really his thing.

They continued to be joined at the hip as they studied together and went to school functions for their respective Greek gatherings together. Their second year there, they both moved into apartments in the same complex, but they really could have just moved into one, since they were together nearly every night. Their college friends deemed them the 'Golden Couple' and were constantly making bets about when they would get married, but Derek and Addison were quick to say that they wanted to wait because they both wanted to attend medical school.

_**Never waste another day  
Wonderin' what you threw away  
Holdin me, holdin you  
I don't want to, if you don't want to**___

Four years later, Derek and Addison set off to New York to attend Columbia University together. They moved in together in an apartment in the city and began classes right away. Derek was interested in Neurology, and Addison was interested in Genetics and Pediatrics. The first two years were hard and they both became quite busy. But, they were both happier than ever.

_**We could keep things just the same  
Leave here the way we came, with nothing to lose  
But I don't want to, if you don't want to**___

It had always been their dream to finish med school and then moved back to Monterey to help Derek's dad run the hospital there. Derek had purchased some land near his family's home and he and Addison had plans to build the perfect house and have six or eight children. Addison couldn't wait to start decorating and picking paint and everything else that came with creating the home that one would settle into with the love of their life.

_**But I want to**___

They were both excelling in their classes and after graduation, they both started internships at the same hospital together. It was rough at first, but Derek was still just as happy as ever. He didn't mind the long hours and they lack of sleep. He looked forward to coming home to Addison and they both treasured the precious little time they had to sometimes steal to spend together.

_**But I want you**___

Derek had been working up the courage for six months to ask Addison to marry him. He didn't know why he felt so nervous, or why he felt that he had to prepare himself for so long. He just figured that even though they knew each other like a book, it was still a big decision, a big leap of faith. But, he felt ready. He was good to go. They had their dreams laid out. Their plans were made. All he had to do was ask. He knew that this night was going to change everything. From this moment on, nothing would ever be the same. 

Derek had been staring down at the pool as he recounted his story, his eyes watching the little blue ripples made by the back and forth movements of his and Meredith's legs in the water. Meredith had remained silent throughout, watching his expressions and seeing him smile a little. The way he told his story, Meredith had almost felt how in love he and Addison were. But, somewhere near the end, Derek had begun to frown, and Meredith knew that he was getting to the part where everything turned for the worse. But, he stopped just short of where she suspected was the beginning of the end. When he looked back up at her, she could see the sadness that filled his eyes. She offered him an encouraging smile and she almost didn't ask any questions, but her curiosity got the best of her and she found herself pressing him for more.

"If you two were so in love, what happened?" She asked softly. "I mean, obviously you didn't marry her. How did it end?"

Derek shook his head and sighed, "That part of the story," he began, "has to be accompanied by another beer." He winked and stood up to grab another beer from the cooler.

With her feet still dangling in the water, and dusk rapidly approaching, Meredith waited patiently for his return, and for him to tell her about the beginning of the end of the 'Golden Couple.'


	20. Chapter 20: Where Would You Be

**Chapter Twenty: Where Would You Be**

_Derek left the hospital early and headed home with a bright smile on his face. He felt a ball of nervousness in the pit of his stomach, but he tried not to focus on it for too long. He had other things at the moment to occupy his mind. He stopped at a local flower shop and bought eleven dozen long-stemmed red roses, one dozen for each year that he and Addison had been together, and then he picked up some take out from Addison's favorite Chinese restaurant. As soon as he arrived home, he began the task of setting up the most romantic night he'd ever planned._

He took one of the rose bouquets and arranged it in the center of the dining room table and placed two place settings down for him and Addison to eat from. He lit two candles on either side of the rose bouquet and then set off towards the bedroom. Taking the remaining ten rose bouquets, he plucked the petals from each rose bud and littered them everywhere around the bedroom. There were rose petals covering the bed and on the floor, and he left a trail of them out into the hallway, just beyond the bedroom door. His mind was so preoccupied by the smallest details, that he had forgotten all about his nervousness. It wasn't until he reached into his pocket, and let his fingers run over the smooth velvet box inside, did he remember how nervous he truly was. He opened the box and gazed at the ring inside. His heart leapt into his chest as his mind raced about the moment he'd hear Addison say 'yes'. He placed the opened box down delicately, in the middle of the rose covered bed, and slipped quietly out of the room.

Derek had just finished putting the food on the plates when he heard the front door close, signalling Addison's arrival. He rushed into the foyer as quickly as he could and helped Addison out of her coat. Addison thanked him as she shrugged the coat off and turned to face him.

"Something smells good." She smiled.

"That would be dinner." Derek smiled back, placing her coat on the coat rack and ushering her into the dining room.

"You cooked?" She asked surprsisingly, peering over her shoulder to look at Derek as he walked behind her, his hands on her upper arms, guiding her further towards the table.

"I ordered take out." Derek admitted, smirking a bit at her expression. "But, it's your favorite." He winked.

Addison turned her head back towards the table and a small gasp escaped her lips. She let Derek guide her through the candlelit room to her place at the table. He kissed her cheek quickly and sat down across from her, a permanent smile on his face.

"What's all of this about?" She asked as they began to eat.

"It's a very special occasion." Derek's smile widened.

Addison eyed him closely as she tried to figure out exactly what special occasion they were celebrating. It wasn't either of their birthdays, nor was it an anniversary of a first date, or kiss, or the date marking how many years they had been together. As she thought of other possibilities, a thought occured to her. She placed her fork down and gave Derek a playful smile.

"Have you talked to Mark today?" She asked curiously.

"Earlier. Why? What does he have to do with any of this?" Derek asked with a puzzled expression.

Addison tilted her head at him. "He told you, didn't he?"

"Told me what?" Derek gave her a suspicious look.

"Come on, Derek." She laughed at him. "I know what you're doing."

"You do?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

She nodded and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Are you waiting for me to say it?" She asked.

Derek just looked at her, his expression twisting into even more confusion. Did she already suspect he was proposing tonight? He hoped not. He wanted her to be surprised when he led her into the bedroom after dinner.

"Say what?" Derek asked, his insides cringing as he waited for her to reply.

"You know what I'm talking about." She smiled again. "The offer. That's why you've done all of this tonight."

Was she talking about his offer for her hand in marriage? And why was Mark suddenly in the middle of this? Had he spilled the beans to Addison about his proposal tonight?

"Addison, why is Mark-"

"I didn't mean to tell him first." Addison said, cutting him off mid-sentence. "I was just so excited, and then he called, and I was just... bursting at the seams to tell someone. He promised he wouldn't tell you he knew. I wanted to be the first one to say it, but... I guess the cats out of the bag now. But really, Derek," She swatted her hand at him, "you didn't have to go through all of this trouble. It's just a silly little offer. I haven't even given a definite yes yet."

Derek placed his fork down and swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "Exaclty what 'offer' are we talking about here, Addison?"

"What do you mean, 'what offer'?" Addison asked, her smile fading as she noticed that Derek's expression had changed from happy, to worried, to confused, to slightly annoyed in the matter of seconds. "There's only one offer, Derek."

Derek sighed in frustration. "Apparently, there's one more than I was aware of."

"What are you talking about?" Addison was still not following him.

"I think the question is, Addison... what are _**you**__ talking about?" He asked in a clipped tone._

Addison looked at him carefully, "The offer I received to join the genetics team in Los Angeles." She replied in a small voice.

Derek breathed heavily through his nostrils and pushed his chair back from the table. "I wasn't aware of _**that**__ offer." He said, reaching up to loosen the tie around his neck. He took off towards the bedroom in long strides. He was halfway down the hall when Addison caught up with him, her heels clicking solidly against the wood floor._

"What offer where _**you**__ talking about?" She asked with a worried tone as she followed him closely._

Derek swung the bedroom door open and rose petals went flying through the air. They soflty floated back onto the floor as he took a determined step into the room. "The offer I was going to make tonight for our future together!" He said angrily as he made his way towards the bathroom. "But, I guess you've already decided our future, haven't you?" He asked bitterly.

Addison's eyes landed immediately onto the middle of the bed where the velvet box sat opened, displaying the diamond that lay within and all of the plans it represented for them. Her heart broke into a million pieces as she surveyed the rose petal covered room.

"Derek, we could still make this work." She pleaded as he returned from the bathroom, his suit already discarded and a pair of flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt in it's place.

"How, Addison? How are we going to make this work?" He asked, his eyes burning into hers.

"Well... maybe you could come with me." She suggested.

Derek let out an eerie laugh and shook his head in disbelief. "You know that I can't do that, Addison. I made a deal with my father when I started medical school. He's counting on me... on us... to go back."

"Derek, don't be silly. You know that I would never go back there. Monterey is a small town. It's not like Baton Rouge, or New Orleans, and it's certainly nothing like New York! It's a dead end. You can't possibly think that I'd want to return there. And honestly, I don't know why you would want to either!" She shouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

_**I wonder where your heart is  
'Cause it sure don't feel like it's here  
Sometimes I think you wish  
That I would just disappear  
Have I got it all wrong  
Have you felt this way long  
Are you already gone**___

Derek couldn't believe his ears. He didn't even know what to say to that. They had always planned to go back. They had house plans already drawn up. Sometimes, they would spent hours lying in bed together late at night, talking about their future, and how when they went back together, they would work at his dad's hospital during the day, and then at night, they would lay next to each other and look up at the sky and all of the twinkling stars they could never see in the New York sky. Was that all just a bunch of talk to Addison? A way to pass their time together?

"Do you ever wonder why I don't go back with you during the holidays?" Addison asked. "Yes, I have a busy schedule, but did you honestly think I'd want to spend a week in that God-forsaken place? A few days I can handle, but, come on, Derek! I haven't been back in two years."

"Yeah, and your family really appreciates that, Addison. Do you ever wonder why they haven't started pestering you or complaining to you over your lack of visits? It's because _**I**__ play the buffer giving them excuses for you and your busy life!" Derek shouted, slumping down onto the bed. He let his head fall forward as he buried his face in his hands._

_**Do you feel lonely  
When you're here by my side  
Does the sound of freedom  
Echo in your mind  
Do you wish you were by yourself  
Or that I was someone else  
Anyone else**___

"How long have you known about the offer in LA?" He asked, his voice muffled as he spoke into his hands. He felt the bed dip down beside him as Addison sat down next to him.

"I've known about the position for two weeks, but they just made me the offer this morning." She answered, her voice quiet and meek.

"Why didn't you tell me about it to begin with? Why didn't you even tell me that it was an option, or that you were possibly thinking about it?" Derek asked incredulously. "Don't you think I deserved a little warning?"

Addison shrugged, "I thought it didn't matter. I thought you'd be happy for me." She replied defensively.

"What made you think that I'd be happy at the thought of you moving away?" He asked, removing his face from his hands to peer at her with a frown. "How could you possibly think that, Addie?" He cut his eyes at her. "Did it even matter to you about how I might feel about the possibility of you taking a job clear across the country? Did it even register in your mind that I might be just a tiny bit effected by this decision?" He asked, still looking at her in disbelief.

_**Where would you be  
If you weren't here with me  
Where would you go  
If you were single and free  
Who would you love  
Would it be me  
Where would you be**___

"Im sorry, I just-" Addison began softly, but Derek cut her off.

"I mean, what about us and our plans? What about everything that we've discussed about our future? Were you just going to throw that all away?" Derek scowled at her, his hurt and anger written plainly in his features. Addison stayed silent, so Derek continued his interrogation.

"I know that we have busy lives, Addison. And I know that sometimes, with our profession and our crazy schedules, we sometimes feel like we're living seperate lives, and that we barley see each other some nights, but damn it, Addison! I thought we were working towards a future together. I was ready to propose to you tonight." He told her, his voice aggitated and clipped. "What happened to our future? To our plans?"

Addison shrugged again and a heavy sigh fell from her lips. "Things change, Derek." She replied. "Maybe I'm just not ready to get married yet."

"Jesus Christ, Addison! We've been together for almost twelve years! How much more time do you need?" He asked sarcastically. "Because I, for one, am tired of waiting!"

"Derek, you know that this opportunity is a once in a lifetime thing." She tried to reason with him. "It's not the kind of thing that someone passes up, you know that."

"Funny." Derek huffed. "I thought that that was the way this thing between us was."

"Derek, please don't be like this." She pleaded. "I just wish you could understand how I-"

"Oh, I think I understand perfectly." His annoyed voice cut her off mid-sentence. "You're your own person, Addison. You make your own decisions. This is your dream job and you don't want to pass it up. I get that part. But, what I don't get is how you can just throw away almost twelve years of us... twelve years of memories and plans and everything that we are made of, in one split second decision. But, it's the chance of a lifetime, though... right? The one chance that a small town girl like you has to make something of herself. So, go, Addison. Go to LA, live your dreams of becoming a hot-shot doctor who makes a lot of money, drives expensive cars, and wears designer clothes while you save lives. I promise I won't stand in your way, because you'd just be miserable with a man like me anyway... a man who likes the simple things in life. I probably couldn't make you a better offer." He spat.

_**I don't wanna hold you back  
No I don't wanna slow you down  
I don't wanna make you feel  
Like you are tied up and bound  
'Cause that's not what love's about  
If there's no chance we can work it out  
Tell me now  
Oh, tell me tell me now**___

Tears rolled down Addison's face as she listened to Derek's angry words. "Please, Derek, it doesn't have to end like this. I can't go to LA thinking that I've hurt you."

"It's a little too late for that, Addison. The damage is already done." He said sadly. "I'd just like to know one thing, though." He said, turning to face her. "Do you even still love me anymore, or have you just crossed back over to the friendship side of the line after all this time?"

_**Where would you be  
If you weren't here with me  
Where would you go  
If you were single and free  
Who would you love  
Would it be me  
Where would you be**___

He hated to even ask her that, but he had to know. He had to know, because he didn't think that someone would make a decision to move away from the person that they spent most of their life building a relationship with. He waited for her answer, a thick, heavy silence filling the air between them. A few painful seconds ticked by and Addison still hadn't answered.

"That's what I thought." Derek whispered, rising from the bed and crossing the room.

"Where are you going?" Addison asked through her tears.

"To sleep on the couch." He replied flatly, walking into the hallway and shutting the bedroom door behind him.

_**Have I become the enemy  
Is it hard to be yourself  
In my company**___

After turning out the lights, Derek fell onto the couch with a heavy thud. He lay awake on his back in the dark for hours and hours. Every now and then, his gaze would shift from the ceiling to the dining room table, where the food still sat out, uneaten and cold, to the closed bedroom door where Addison lay sleeping in what was once 'their' bed.

_**Where would you be  
If you weren't here with me  
Where would you go  
If you were single and free  
Who would you love  
Would it be me  
Where would you be**___

For the life of him, he couldn't wrap his mind around what had just happened between them. His mind raced with bits and pieces of their conversation as his heart lay shattered in a million tiny pieces inside his chest. What he thought would signify the beginning of their future for them tonight, had turned into the beginning of their end.

"So she took the job in LA." Meredith said softly, shaking her head in disbelief.

Derek nodded. "She was always going to take the job, no matter how I felt about it. Her feelings about be had shifted and changed. I could see it in her eyes, but I guess I just... kept holding on to any shred that I thought was left." He said sadly. "Two days later, she flew out to LA to finalize everything. During the week that she was gone, I moved all of my stuff out and relocated to a place of my own. She finished out the rest of the calender year, which was just about two months. We saw each other periodically at the hospital, but neither of us spoke to one another. In fact, I haven't spoken to her since. She moved to LA right after the Christmas holidays. Mark keeps up with her still. They've remained friends over the last few years. He informs me about her every now and then, dropping little hints here and there, but... I don't ever really say much about it."

"Wait, Mark sill talks to her?" Meredith raised her eyebrows at him.

"Yep."

"That doesn't... bother you?"

"Not really." Derek replied. "If they want to be friends, that's fine with me."

"And Mark has never made a pass at her?" Meredith asked.

"He flirts with her. But, Mark will flirt with anything that has a pulse." Derek laughed. "But, no... he wouldn't do that."

"How do you know?" Meredith looked at him skeptically. "This is _Mark_ we're talking about here." She said, eliciting another laugh from Derek.

"Because Mark and I have an understanding." He stated simply.

"An understanding?"

"Yes."

"Care to elaborate?" Meredith asked with a smirk.

"We have a pact that if one of us likes a girl a lot, and I mean... really likes her, or has dated her at one point, she is off limits to the other one." He explained.

"I see." Meredith said with a nod. "You and Mark have a pretty special bond, don't you?"

"We're like brothers." Derek replied with affection. "I owe that man my life."

"How do you figure that?" She asked curiously.

"Because after what happened with me and Addison, Mark was the one who came to my rescue and picked me back up." Derek said, his emotions clearly expressed through his broken voice. "He saved my life when I needed someone the most." 


	21. Chapter 21: Tonight I Wanna Cry

**Chapter Twenty-One: Tonight I Wanna Cry**

_**Alone in this house again tonight  
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine  
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me  
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me  
I'll never get over you walkin' away**___

Derek sat at the kitchen table, staring into a glass of red wine. Every now and then, he would glance over to the one picture in his possession of him and Addison hugging and smiling, and each time his eyes fell upon the picture, his heart died just a little bit more. It was the only picture he had taken with him when he moved out of their apartment. To this day, he still didn't know why he tortured himself by placing it on the kitchen counter for him to see everyday. It only mocked him and reminded him of what he had lost. He drank the rest of his wine and poured himself another glass. Besides the occasional glass of wine during a meal, Derek never usually touched the stuff. He was more of a beer and scotch kind of man, normally. But, the situation he currently found himself in, was anything but normal.

He was sitting alone in his cramped New York apartment drinking wine with no meal to wash it down with. He didn't have the energy to cook anything today. Besides being too tired from working almost 36 hours straight, the memory of today was weighing him down heavily, and all he could find the strength to do when he returned home, was plop down into a kitchen chair and drink from the bottle of wine that should have been opened in celebration a year ago today.

His mind was filled with the memory of rushing home to get everything ready for his big proposal that fateful day a year ago. He had been so nervous, yet excited as he set everything up and gazed lovingly at the velvet box containing the circular symbol of his and Addison's future, the very object signifying the never ending love that they would share together. All of it seemed so insignificant now. And his preparation leading up to it only felt like precious time spent wasted on something that he knew now was never in his grasp. He felt like such a fool.

He couldn't believe that an entire year had come and gone already. By now, Addison was probably already excelling at everything that was being thrown at her in LA. Hell, she was probably way ahead of people on the genetics team that had been there for years. She was smart and focused. Determined and strong-willed. There was no doubt in his mind that she was already making a name for herself. And what was he doing? Still in New York. Still working at the same hospital, although he had not done a very bad job excelling in his position. He was gaining respect. He had received a significant pay increase. He loved his job. But it wasn't enough.

There was a hole in his heart now. His heart had been pierced the moment Addison walked out of his life and that tiny pinhole had only been growing ever since. And now, it was a gaping, huge thing that widened with each memory of Addison and the end of their relationship. Not only had he lost his lover, but he had lost one of his best friends, too. It was like two of the closest people in his life had died the moment he shut the bedroom door and made his way towards that couch.

He was sure that the pain and suffering showed across his features, even when he was at work, but he tried desperately to hide it under a mask of fake smiles and constant professionalism. And most days, he was sure that he had succeeded in fooling people. And he secretly prided himself over the fact that he had never cried over what happened with Addison. Not once did he shed a tear. When he felt sad or alone, or angry to the point where he felt like he would burst, he just pushed it further down within himself and closed the lid on it. Or, he got insanely drunk and slept with a random girl. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want his body to do anything that signified how truly broken he was. He didn't want to know. But, tonight? Tonight was a different story.

_**I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry**___

Tonight, his eyes stung and salty tears pooled at the bottom, gathering, gathering, gathering. He tried to blink them away, but the opposite happened. Instead of his tears vanishing, they spilled over, dropping from his eyes in big, fat, warm drops that fell onto the mahogany table and splattered against the bottom of the wine glass that sat in front of him. He tried to stop them, but they kept coming. It was like there was an internal faucet somewhere inside him and the handle had broken off and it was producing tears out of control, like a thunderstorm of big, fat raindrops. The tears left wet trails down his cheeks, and some of them gathered along his jawline and hung there, waiting to fall and meet the same fate as the tears before them.

He wiped his face with the back of his hands, his insides willing his eyes to stop leaking, his brain to stop thinking, his heart to stop breaking. But, his insides wouldn't listen. They had a mind of their own and they were taking charge. A deep empty, sinking feeling formed in the pit of his stomach. It twisted and turned and boiled and resettled, only to repeat the same wretched movements again. All he could do was keeping drinking, and keep wiping his hands against the slick, wet skin of his face.

He imagined that he probably looked as horrible as he felt. Dark circles had formed under his eyes, and his hair was in disarray after he had worked his worried fingers through it so much in the past hour that he had been sitting there. He didn't care about what he looked like, though. In fact, he didn't care much about anything at the moment. The memory of Addison and the end of what they shared kept slamming into him harder, and harder, and harder, as each moment passed by. It's all he could focus on, so he felt that he needed to drink more wine until he wasn't able to focus on anything any more. Not Addison, not her memory, not his sorrowful heart, not his whole world being turned upside down and sideways. He just wanted to feel numb. He wanted to forget.

_**Would it help if I turned a sad song on  
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone  
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters  
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better  
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way**___

He felt so stupid sitting there alone in his small kitchen. He didn't like letting his emotions get the best of him. It was one thing to cry at a family members funeral, or tear up while experiencing a bit of pain, but to openly cry and breakdown over a broken heart, even while alone, was something else entirely. It felt so strange to him. So foreign. Like he was having an outer body experience. His soft sobs pounded in his ears and resonated through the kitchen, bouncing off the walls and echoing like a freight train. His body physically hurt as he unleashed a years worth of pain and anguish, loneliness and heartache, emptiness and sorrow.

He was sobbing so hard now that he didn't hear the knocking on the door, nor did he hear the door being unlocked by the one person who had possession of the only key he had made. He was wiping frantically at his tears, his head hung down as another wave of sadness poured over him. He was a mess. And absolute freaking wreck of his former self. A shell of a man once happy and vibrant and positive and good humored. He didn't look up when the solid footsteps reached the doorway of the kitchen, nor did he even move a muscle or try to stop crying as he felt a warm hand and a gentle pat on his shoulder. In fact, such a familiar touch only made his sobs increase, but at least the friendly pat made him realize that he wasn't alone. And that brought a little comfort.

_**I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry**_

**Tonight I Wanna Cry by Keith Urban**


	22. Chapter 22:Find Out Who Your Friends Are

**Chapter Twenty-two: Find Out Who Your Friends Are**

_**This ain't where the road comes to an end  
This ain't where the bandwagon stops  
This is just one of those times when  
A lot of folks jump off**_

You find out who your friends are  
Somebody's gonna drop everything  
Run out and crank up their car  
Hit the gas, get there fast  
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'  
They just show on up with their big old heart  
You find out who your friends are  
**Find Out Who Your Friends Are by Tracy Lawrence**

_Derek had no clue as to how long he sat there and cried his heart out. Time for him seemed to stand still and trap him in this long space of utter agony. He took a few deep breaths once his tears finally subsided. He breathed in through his nose as deeply as he could, filling his lungs with fresh air and then released it in one big, slow breath. He chest muscles expanded and ached as he contracted and released each breath. He lifted his head slowly and then opened his eyes to see Mark sitting beside him at the table, an opened bottled of scotch before him and a full glass in his hands. He didn't say anything at first, just let the silence hang in the air as he swished the golden liquid 'round and 'round in his glass. It wasn't until Derek heaved a short and exhausted sigh and offered a very weak and pathetic smile, that he raised his eyebrows and finally spoke._

"And to think I flew all the way up here and picked up this very expensive bottle of scotch for us to get drunk on, and I walk in and find your pansy ass drinking this red wine crap." He shook his head in mock disgust as his lips curled into a smirk. "I'm disappointed man. This city has turned you into a girl."

Derek attempted a laugh, but it fell short of a breathy and light chuckle, almost like he had had the wind knocked out of him. "I hope that doesn't mean that you're going to hit on me." Derek said back. It was the only witty thing he could think of at the moment.

"Nah," Mark replied with a grimace, "you're too tall for my taste. Even though you're hair looks like that. I like 'em short and stacked." He joked.

Derek really laughed this time. And a little tiny piece of his heart felt like it had found it's place inside his chest again. "Geez, Mark... they're not pancakes."

"I forgot to mention female." Mark said quickly. "They must be female. Although, a little syrup on the side might be fun." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"You are sick." Derek sighed, bringing his elbows to rest on the table as he ran his hands along his tired face. "What are you doing here, anyway." Derek asked with a confused expression.

Mark gave him an incredulous look. "It's Friday, October 21st."

"Yes, I know what day it is, don't remind me." Derek said exhaustedly, narrowing his eyes as he looked at his best friend. Mark knew that this was the one year anniversary of the night Derek was going to propose to Addison. He knew it. Derek confided in Mark about everything. There were no secrets between them.

"Man, we talked two months ago about me coming this weekend. And then again a month later. And then again on Monday. And then again on Wednesday." Mark reminded him. "What the hell is going on with you?"

Derek sighed again. "Right. Sorry, man. I just... I guess I just forgot. It slipped my mind. I haven't had much sleep in the past two and a half days." He informed him, running his fingers through his hair.

Mark shook his head and didn't respond. he sat silently beside Derek, his eyes wandering as he surveyed the tiny kitchen. When his gaze landed on the picture of Derek and Addison on the counter near the toaster, he shook his head again.

"Derek, you're never gonna get over her if you keep that damn thing up." He scolded him, nodding his head towards the picture.

"It's the only one I have left." Derek replied, not even having the strength to give Mark any lame excuses as to why it was still on display. Mark could read Derek like a book. He would see right through any bullshit Derek could give him.

"So what? Get rid of it. It's been a year. Move on." Mark said sternly.

"Easy for you to say." Derek shot back, his anger flaring a bit. "You didn't loose your best friend and your lover in one day."

"No, but I lost two of my closest friends the day you two moved up here." Mark replied.

"It's not the same." Derek argued.

"Bullshit!" Mark yelled. "We were inseparable, Derek. And when you and Addison became a couple, things between us shifted, but we still remained close. But, then you both decided to come up here and I stayed behind. And the visits became fewer and fewer."

"I go home every chance I get!" Derek disagreed. "Addison stopped visiting all together. Why am I getting blamed for it?"

"You think I don't yell at her for not coming home?" Mark asked. "Every time I talk to her she bitches at me for bitching at her about visiting. And since you two have broken up, I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a divorce or something!"

"Well, you shouldn't." Derek snorted. "I didn't even get to put the ring on her finger." He added bitterly.

"Derek, you've got to stop this." Mark told him, placing his glass of scotch down on the table. "Addison has moved on and it's time for you to move on, too. You've been moping around for a year now. It's time to stop and get your life back on track."

"I'm fine." Derek said coldly.

"Right. You're fine." Mark said sarcastically. "That's why I walked in here and found you falling apart. Yeah, Derek. You're doing great. Just keep telling yourself that!"

"Well, what do you expect me to do?" Derek asked, his face flushed with anger and hurt. "She's all I've ever known! And she left! She threw away almost twelve years of love and friendship to focus on her career! I was ready to offer her anything and everything I could, but she rejected me!" He yelled.

"I know." Mark said tenderly. "And as much as I love Addison, she's an idiot for doing what she did. But, Derek, you can't change her. You can't change what happened. But, you can change yourself and the way you're feeling right now. You've got to pull yourself together, man! So she broke your heart? So what! So things didn't go according to your master plan? So what! Think of something else. Make a new plan. Find a new woman who shares your dreams."

"Addison and I shared dreams once, too. That didn't work out so well." Derek replied flatly.

"Stop focusing on Addison, Derek. Just because her dreams didn't match yours anymore, doesn't mean that it'll be the same situation with someone else. You can't compare what you had with Addison with anyone else. What you and Addison had was special, and even though it didn't work out, it will forever be a part of your life... an experience that will make you stronger. Learn from your mistakes so that next time, it won't happen again. And stop living for someone else, man. Live for yourself!"

Derek sat silently beside Mark, letting his words sink in. He thought that he had always lived for himself, but after listening to Mark, he began to realize that he had been so wrapped up in Addison for so long, and he had been so focused on what they had built their dreams around, that he got stuck in this bubble where all he could see were the things that he and Addison had once planned. He failed to notice the distance that had fallen between them. He failed to notice that look in Addison's eyes that said she was screaming inside, dying to get out and be on her own, wanting and needing to create a few dreams for herself. He had missed all of the signs that pointed and blinked in big huge florescent letters, reading, 'the end is near', 'she wants out', 'this is not working'. He had been running through his life with blinders on, naive to the fact that Addison was becoming miserable in their existence. This offer in LA had been her way out. Her escape. And she had grabbed onto it like a life line, her grip tight and never faltering.

But, why hadn't she said anything to him? Why hadn't she ever clued him in on how she felt? She had known about the offer for two weeks before she had given them a tentative 'yes'. She hadn't even discussed it with Derek. Not once. He had been blindsided. And that's what had hurt the most. If Addison wanted out, she should have felt comfortable enough to tell him. They had been friends first, before becoming lovers, so she should have had no doubts that he would be more than understanding if she was really that unhappy. He would have let her go. It would have hurt, but he would have let her go. But, they had become strangers, apparently. And the blinders around Derek's eyes missed that aspect. And it had cause more pain when she had ended it like she did. So abruptly. Without a fight. She just... made a decision and followed another dream. Addison's dream, not 'their' dream.

Throughout the weekend of Mark's visit, Derek's heart was heavy and his mind was full of a thousand thoughts. He tried to be upbeat about things, and he didn't really feel sad anymore since his and Mark's talk when he arrived to witness Derek falling apart in the kitchen. Gone was the deep rooted sorrow, and in its place was an empty, hollow feeling mixed with confusion. He felt lost, like he was at a crossroads and wasn't sure which way to go. On one side was a sign pointing down a dark, lonely looking road filled with more thoughts about the loss of Addison and the shattered dreams that they once shared. On the other side, there was a sign pointing to an open space, and although it didn't look as dark as the other road, it was still just as scary because it represented the unknown... a blank canvas waiting for Derek to fill it up with whatever he wanted. But, for once in his life, Derek didn't know what he wanted.

He had always been that guy with the dreams and the plans and the goals set out before him. Graduate high school. Check. Graduate college. Check. Go to med school. Check. Become a doctor. Check. Fall in love love. Check. Suffer from a massive broken heart. OOPS! That was the only thing he hadn't planned on, but everything else... check, check, check. Now he was stuck. In limbo. Purgatory. Hanging on by a thread. Didn't know where to go, what to do. He needed a new plan. He needed new goals. He needed to get his life back on track. He needed to blaze a new path. Find himself again. Figure out what he wanted. And having Mark there for the weekend made him realize something that he hadn't even accounted for. Hadn't even thought about. Hadn't even let the possibility enter his mind. But it was there now... deep rooted and firmly planted with no doubts to ponder. He needed to go back. He needed to surround himself with natural light and fresh air. He need to be in a place that would make him feel welcome and warm, so that he could clear his mind and start over. He needed to be able to look up at night and see the twinkling lights of a million stars over his head, not thousands of city lights and blinking signs.

He needed to go home.


	23. Chapter 23: I'm Movin' On

**Chapter Twenty-three: I'm Movin' On**

_**At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me  
And I know there's no guarantee's, but I'm not alone  
There comes a time in everyone's life  
When all you can see are the years passing by  
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone**_

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't  
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town  
I've loved like I should but lived like  
I shouldn't  
I had to lose everything to find out  
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road  
I'm movin' on  
**I'm Movin' On by Rascal Flatts**

Night had fallen around them, tiny specs of stars sprinkling against the dark sky. A warm summer breeze floated through the air, rustling the leaves of the trees nearby and blowing a few strands of hair loose from Meredith's ponytail. With their feet still submersed in the dark waters of the pool, Derek and Meredith lay side by side staring up at the constellations.

"This is what I was missing." Derek said softly.

"Getting pruned feet?" Meredith giggled slightly, her toes wiggling in the cool water.

"No," He laughed. "I meant being able to look up and see the stars, not smog and high rises. I didn't realize how homesick I was until Mark made me think about living for myself, rather than living for me and someone who I was growing further and further away from each day."

"So, you missed the sky?" She teased again, her giggles rolling out of her mouth like a melody.

"Ha. Ha." Derek said, turning his head as he reached out to poke his finger slightly into her ribs. He withdrew his hand and looked back up at the sky in contemplation. "It was more than just the stars. It was everything." He whispered. "My family. My mom's home cooking. Fishing on Saturdays. Going to church on Sundays. Looking out of my window and onto a field of green grass. Driving through town without traffic. No more snow." He added.

"You needed a change." Meredith simply stated.

"I needed a change." He agreed, smiling a little as his gaze shifted to the glowing moon above. "It was time for me to move on from what my life had become."

"So, coming back here is what saved you?" She asked.

"Yes." He replied positively. "I threw out the house plans that Addison and I had made, designed this house, built it, and started working at the hospital with my father."

"You make it sound like it happened so easily." Meredith commented.

"Oh, it was anything but easy. I had to move in with my parents while the house was being designed and built. That was certainly not easy. And it certainly didn't help in the romance department." He laughed, his chuckles increasing when he heard Meredith's laughter join in with his.

"As if living with your parents damaged your chances." She rolled her eyes. "I bet you still had all of the southern women falling at your feet, what with the smile and the eyes and the hair." Meredith grinned.

Derek turned his head to face her, his mouth falling open in mock surprise. A little gasp escaped his lips and then he smirked at her. "You think I'm good looking." He stated proudly.

"I _did not_ say that!" Meredith argued adamantly, not able to stop the smile now stretching her lips apart.

"Yes, you did." He raised his eyebrows at her as he grinned.

"Did not!"

"You did." He stated firmly.

Meredith made a huffing noise and clenched her hands together at her sides. "Quit trying to change the subject. We were talking about your pain and anguish."

"You _like_ discussing my pain and anguish?" Derek asked with a laugh.

"Yes." Meredith answered, nodding vigorously. "It's making mine pale in comparison."

"You little..." Derek trailed off, his grin still plastered to his face as he withdrew his feet from the water and lunged at her. A high-pitched squeal escaped from Meredith's mouth as she scrambled to get away from him, but she couldn't react quick enough. In one swift movement, she was being scooped up into Derek's arms and he was running towards the deep end of the pool, her arms and legs flailing about as she tried to get out of his grasp.

"NO! NO!" She screamed as he hopped up onto the diving board and stood at the edge with her still in his arms.

"If you don't stop squirming, we're both going to fall in!" He said as he laughed at her.

"PUT ME DOWN!" She pleaded.

"Not until you say it." Derek said, swinging her in his arms as he pretended to get ready to throw her in.

"Say what?" She asked, her arms in a death grip around his neck.

"That you think I'm good looking." He smirked at her.

"Never." She hissed, her expression challenging as he peered down at her in the soft moonlight.

"I guess it's time for you to swim, then." He shrugged, raising his eyebrows and smirking again. 

He swung her out over the water and one of her hands slipped from his neck. He laughed at her shocked expression as she began to fly into the air, but then, in one split second, she was smirking and he felt a tug on the collar of his shirt as she pulled him down with her other hand. They fell off the edge of the diving board together and landed with a huge splash into the dark, cool water.

When Derek resurfaced, he didn't see her anywhere. He dove into the water again, opening his eyes to peer through the dark water to find her. He couldn't see any movement at all. Panic ripped through his body as he swam up and resurfaced again. When he broke water, he caught movement out of the corner of his eye near the diving board. Meredith had already gotten out of the pool and was straddling the edge of the diving board, taking the rubber band from her hair and letting the wet strands fall down around her face.

"How did you get out so fast?" Derek asked as he swam towards her.

Meredith smirked and let out a small laugh. "I was on the swim team in high school." She shrugged nonchalantly.

Derek laughed and then splashed her when he got close enough. As she peered down at him, his expression turned serious. "So, are _you_ ready yet?" He asked her.

Meredith was taken aback by his changed tone. What exactly was he asking her? "Are we still talking about your looks?" She asked with another smirk. She'd been smiling at him a lot today, she realized in that instant.

"No." Derek replied, shaking his head as he looked up at her.

"OK. Am I ready for what?" She inquired.

"You came down here to get away from what happened, just like I did." He said. "Are you ready for a change?" He simply asked.

That was a loaded question if she ever heard one. She shrugged and contemplated her answer for a moment. "I don't know." She said finally, her eyes shifting to look up at the bright moon above them. "I think I might be. Maybe I just need to... keep looking up at the sky a little longer. And fish on Saturdays. And get used to no traffic. And no snow." She added, her gaze meeting Derek's again as she smiled down at him. "I need to move on." She said softly with a sigh.

"You need to move on." He echoed with understanding.

Meredith sighed again, a little more heavily this time. "I guess I feel sort of like you did. It's like I don't know what is supposed to come next in my life."

"Just take it one day at a time." Derek told her. "That's what I did."

"Yeah. I guess." She replied, shifting her position on the diving board until she was lying on her stomach with her chin in her hands. She looked down at Derek again, who was just below her in the water. "I just don't know what tomorrow is going to bring."

"Oh, that's simple." Derek said, his hands reaching out to grab onto the diving board above him. The board dipped down further and he lifted his upper body out of the water so that he was eye level with her. "Poker night." He replied, wiggling his eyebrows at her before letting go of the board and plunging himself back underwater.


	24. Chapter 24: The Gambler

**Chapter Twenty-four: The Gambler**

_**You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,  
Know when to walk away and know when to run.  
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.  
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.**_**  
The Gambler by Kenny Rogers**

Meredith was not a gambling person. She'd been to Vegas once when she attended a wedding for a college friend, and after loosing only one hundred dollars, she gave up and stayed in the hotel bar for the remainder of the evening, chatting up the bartender and a few bar patrons that sat to her right. She tried explaining how awful she was to Derek, but he and Mark insisted she join them anyway in the weekly poker game held every Wednesday night at Derek's house. It had become a tradition since Derek's return to Monterey five years ago, that he and Mark, along with a close group of friends, meet up every Wednesday night to play a few games of poker (unless there was an emergency that took Derek away to the hospital, in which case the game was canceled and resumed the following Wednesday).

Over the past two weeks, Meredith had joined them and had lost, if she was counting correctly, four hundred twenty-eight dollars, and was now supposed to wash Derek's and Mark's vehicles, plus bring snacks for this weeks game. She almost hadn't come this week because she knew she'd just loose her money again _and_ have to agree to do some other random chore for someone else. But, since she was supposed to bring the snacks, she felt sort of obligated. She'd witnessed Mark's rising temper when Derek had forgotten to pick up the pretzels last week, and she really had rather not have to see that again, so she stopped at a store on her way to Derek's house and purchased two bags, just in case.

She entered the house, not bothering to knock. Derek had made it perfectly clear, on her fourth visit to his house to attend last weeks poker game, that she didn't have to knock. Plus, she was carrying two big paper bags full of snacks this time, so it's not like she actually had the capability. She walked through the living room on her way to the kitchen, pausing to say hello to Derek's sister, Molly, who was setting up the chips and cards in the living room. When she walked into the kitchen, she found Mark opening a fresh beer and Derek stood at the stove heating dip on the stove for the chips Meredith had agreed to bring.

"Something smells good." She commented, dropping the bags down onto the kitchen table. Derek looked up and smiled at her. She smiled back.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite poker player!" Mark said with a wide smile as he made his way over to where she stood.

"You only say that because you've been taking my money for the past two weeks." Meredith said, cutting her eyes at him.

"You're just so... easy." Mark replied slyly, nudging her lightly in the ribs. "What's in the bags, sugar plum?" He craned his neck to peer inside.

Meredith snatched the bag away from him and glared at him. "I don't think I should show you. I mean, I can't have you thinking I'm _that_ easy." She snipped.

"Come on, what'd ya bring?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Meredith placed the bag down and reached inside, grabbing the two bags of pretzels out and holding them up for him to see. Just as she expected, his eyes widened and he reached out to take them from her, but Meredith held them back, just out of his grasp.

"Uh, uh." She shook her head. "I don't really think you deserve these after calling me 'easy'." She smirked.

"I'll tell you what..." Mark smiled, "if you give me both bags, _I'll_ take it easy on you tonight."

"Are we still talking about poker?" Meredith asked. She had to make sure to keep her conversations with Mark very specific. He tended to lean towards the gutter side of every conversation.

"Yes." He laughed.

"And you promise not to take all of my money?" She questioned seriously.

"Scouts honor." He replied, cutting his eyes at Derek who snickered from his spot near the stove.

"Fine." Meredith shoved the bags at him. "But, I'm holding you to that promise. Or else there will be no pretzels if I'm present. At any game hereon out for the rest of... forever." She nodded firmly, leaving no room for argument.

"Whatever you say, sugar plum." Mark said, a triumphant smile on his face as he left the kitchen carrying the pretzels delicately in his arms.

"Why does he keep calling me that? And what are you laughing about?" Meredith asked, turning to Derek as she began to take out the rest of the contents of the bags and place them on the counter.

"Nothing." He chuckled. "I just don't think Mark knows the definition of 'scouts honor', but that was a great bribe, Mer. Mark loves pretzels. If you threaten to take them away, I doubt he'll try to take your money again."

"I just don't understand why I can't win sometimes." She sighed, pulling herself up to sit on the counter next to the stove. She watched Derek stir the pot again, a slight grimace on his face. "What?" She asked curiously.

Derek sighed and placed his spoon down onto the stove. "Well, Mark and I were talking, and we think we know what you're problem is." He said, his voice a little hesitant.

Meredith gave him a very expectant look. "Oh, really? And just what exactly is my problem, then?" She asked curiously, her eyebrows raised as she waited for his reply.

"Well..." He hesitated again. "It's... your... face." He blurted out, wincing as the words pierced the air between them. "I probably could have phrased that better." He muttered under his breath.

Meredith's mouth fell open. "Wha... WHAT? My _face_? What in the hell is wrong with my face?!" She said, her voice rising a little. "And yes, you could have phrased that better." She added with a frown.

"Nothing!" Derek replied immediately, waving his hands as if they could erase what he just said. "It's not your face, face. It's just... your... poker face."

"My poker face? What's wrong with my poker face?" Meredith asked incredulously.

Derek winced again. "You... don't... have one?"

Meredith gaped at him. "I most certainly _do_ have a poker face. I have a very good poker face!" She argued.

Derek's mouth twisted at a weird angle. He was trying his best not to smile, but it was no use. It only took a split second for the smile to form, and then he was doubled over in laughter.

"What's so funny?!" Meredith demanded to know. She crossed her arms over her chest and sat up straighter on the counter, a small smile appearing on her lips.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh, but... seriously, Mer. You have the worst poker face I've ever seen!" And he was laughing again.

"Well, thanks a lot!" Meredith replied, her smile fading now. "That wasn't very insulting at all." She said, swinging her foot out so that it made contact with his thigh.

Derek stopped laughing abruptly and walked over to where she sat on the counter. "I'm sorry, it's just... it's not bad." He said seriously. "It's... kinda cute, actually."

"Now you're just trying to get on my good side again." She replied, still frowning at him.

"No, I'm being serious." He said, honestly. "Nothing about your 'poker face' is ugly. It's just... when you get a good card, we can tell." He shrugged. "You're very readable."

"How so?" She asked.

"Well, it's all in the eyes." He said, "When you get a good card, your eyes light up. But, when you get a bad card, you sort of... frown a little. And then... you get little crinkles... just in the corners... right here." He reached up and placed his fingertip near the corner of her right eye, showing her exactly where, "And your eyes turn a darker shade of green when you have a really bad hand." He told her.

He was standing really close now, his body pressing against the counter between her legs. Meredith opened her mouth to reply, but her breath seemed hitched somewhere inside her throat. She stared at him intently as he let his fingertip fall slowly, tracing the outline of her face, and she was sure that she had visibly shivered at his touch. She managed to somehow clear her throat.

"So... what should I do?" She asked in a quiet voice. As soon as that question left her lips, she inwardly kicked herself. What kind of stupid question was that? _What should I do?_ She mentally kicked herself again.

Derek smiled at her softly and then took a step back to gather himself. "You can't let your opponent know what you're thinking, or give any indications that you may have a really good hand, or a really bad one. Keep your face expressionless. Your eyes... focused on the chips, or the cards. Even if you're holding a hand full of aces, never let your guard down and never let off that you're about to take away someone's money. But, at the same time, you have to keep your head in the rest of the game. And don't hold out for a good card every hand. You can't be afraid to fold once in a while."

"So... don't communicate with my eyes?" Meredith asked softly.

"Not when you're playing poker, no." Derek smiled. "But, any other time..." He trailed off, his gaze locking with hers as he let his eyes say the rest.

Meredith swallowed hard and tried to ignore the messages he was sending with his eyes. The air around her grew thick with heat and she found herself breathless for the second time in the past two minutes. She shook her head slightly and pulled her eyes away from his stare.

"How do I know you're not setting me up to take my money again?" She asked, looking back up and smirking at him.

"You don't." He answered saucily with a wink.

"Ooh." She grunted, picking up a dish towel and flicking it at him. The cloth snapped against his forearm and his mouth fell open in shock. He lunged for her, but Meredith quickly pulled her hands behind her back, hiding the towel from him.

Derek stood between her legs again, his arms encircling her waist as he reached around her to grab at the dish towel. Meredith erupted into shrills of laughter as his arms brushed against her sides, tickling her as he tried to get the towel. She stretched herself away from him, but he grabbed onto her shirt and pulled her forward again as he continued to grab the towel. They were both in the midst of this tug-of-war, laughing together, when the kitchen door opened and a woman Meredith had never seen before stuck her head in.

"Oops. Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt." She said softly.

Derek and Meredith sprang apart, and Meredith jumped quickly from the counter top. Derek reached his hand out to steady her as her feet landed against the tile floor. Her face flushed a rosy color, but when she looked back up at Derek his face only held an amused smile and there was a playful gleam in his eyes.

"You didn't... interrupt. Anything." Meredith said quickly, straightening the front of her shirt and looking back up at the woman standing at the door. "I was just... I'm just going to..." Meredith reached over and pulled a few items from the table that she had taken out of the grocery bags she brought in. "Snacks. People need snacks."

She moved towards the door, but stopped when a man she'd never met before appeared behind the woman still standing in her way. She looked back and forth between the two and opened her mouth to say something else, but Derek cut her off.

"Meredith, this is Dr.'s Kelly and Michael Hott." His voice sounded awfully close to her ear, and when Meredith turned her head a little, she realized that Derek was standing right next to her, his smile still spread across his face, and his arm was now touching the small of her back.

"Oh. Hi." She greeted them, turning back to the pair still standing at the door. "Doctors. You work at the hospital with Derek?" She asked, trying not to think about how hot her skin felt underneath Derek's touch.

"No." Kelly replied. "We're both veterinarians. We own the local animal shelter and the adjacent animal hospital in town."

"Kelly and I went to high school together." Derek informed Meredith. She could feel his breath tickling against her ear as he turned to speak to her. She kept her head straight, though, looking at Kelly and Michael. She was afraid to move... afraid to turn her head and let her eyes meet his again. His close presence was making her nervous enough.

"It's nice to meet you both." Meredith smiled.

"You, too." The pair said in unison as they both smiled at her.

A small silence fell between the foursome, until Meredith held up the bags in her hands again. "Snacks." She repeated. And like a bolt of lightening, she propelled herself forward passed the other three and bolted into the living room.

When she was out of the room, Kelly raised her eyebrows and gave Derek a curious look, but he just shook his head and dismissed her expression. "Shall we?" He said, motioning for them to walk back into the living room where everyone else was gathering and talking in murmurs. Kelly let it slide this time, but she made a mental note to corner Derek later and interrogate him further about this Meredith person.

About an hour later, things were going well for Meredith. Although she wasn't winning a lot of money, at least she wasn't loosing very much. Her pile of chips remained at a comfortable level, and she was pretty pleased with herself. She tried her best to remember what Derek told her about her 'poker face', and she kept stealing sideways glances at him to see if he noticed any changes.

Derek sat to Meredith's right, and would nod his head discretely at her, hiding his smirk behind the cards he was holding in front of him. On a few occasions, like right now, for instance, Derek folded when his turn came up and then he slid his chair closer to Meredith's to get a better look at her hand. He leaned into her this time, something that he hadn't done before. She could feel his shoulder pressing into hers and her body tensed up automatically. Derek chuckled under his breath, but leaned in further, silently letting her know that he wasn't going to be moving any time soon. Relenting a little, Meredith felt her body slowly relaxing, and within a few moments, she was leaning into him just as much.

Derek's eyes shifted from Meredith's cards, to the other player's faces, and then finally settled on her face. She gave him another sideways glance and couldn't help but smile a little. He turned his head to the side and leaned his face closer to hers.

"Don't smile." He whispered.

"Don't look at me, then." She replied back in a hushed voice, trying very desperately to ignore the fact that she thought his lips had actually brushed against her ear.

"Keep a straight face." He whispered. Although she didn't look at him, she could just hear the smile in his voice.

"Keep away." She shot back. She tried to sound angry, but the smile on her face gave her away.

"I said don't smile." He whispered again in her ear.

She turned to face him this time, narrowing her eyes at him. "OK, seriously? Do you want to play this hand for me, or are you just going to keep distracting me?"

"I'm not distracting you." He said defensively.

"Seriously?" 

"I'm helping you." He stated innocently.

"How?" She asked, raising her eyebrows at him.

"I'm making sure you're working on the 'poker face'." He answered with a smirk.

"You're an ass." She stated. "And I think you need to work on 'your' face." She turned her attention back to the table, her eyes glancing around and taking in the faces of the people sitting with them. They were all staring at them. Kelly and Michael were snickering behind their cards, but Mark and Molly were openly laughing.

"What's wrong with my face?" Derek asked curiously, looking worried as he sat up straighter and ran his hands along his cheeks and jawline. That had everybody at the table laughing openly now.

"Oh, I fold." Meredith stated gloomily, placing her card down on the table. "I need another beer anyway." She said, standing from her chair and trotting off into the kitchen.

"I need a drink, too." Kelly said, suddenly rising from the table.

Michael looked up at his wife confusedly. "You just had one." He commented.

"I'm thirsty. Whatever." Kelly said, rolling her eyes and walking towards the kitchen.

"She just wants to interrogate Meredith." Michael snorted.

"I heard that!" Kelly called, pausing to look over her shoulder and give her husband a scowl before entering the kitchen.

Meredith had half of her body hidden inside the fridge as she moved a few things out of the way to get a beer. "Freaking health nut." She muttered under her breath as she moved over a few containers of fat free yogurt and a bag of grapes.

"Derek's always been that way." Came a female voice behind her.

Meredith stood up quickly, hitting her head on the freezer in the process. "Shit!" She exclaimed, her hands coming up to press against the top of her head.

"I didn't mean to startle you." Kelly stated apologetically. She came speeding forward to check on Meredith. "Is it bad? Do you need me to get Derek?"

"No, thanks. I'm fine." Meredith stated with a slight grimace as her fingertips grazed over the small bump that was rising on her scalp.

"Are you sure?" Kelly asked skeptically.

Meredith nodded. "I'm a neurosurgeon." She replied. "I'd know if it were really serious."

"You're a neurosurgeon, too? Derek didn't tell me that." She commented.

"He didn't?" Meredith frowned. She didn't know why, but something twisted inside her gut. Was Derek not talking about her to his friends? And why would that bother her in the first place, she asked herself?

"He just said that you were visiting from New York, that you were a doctor, and that you met about a month ago." Kelly explained. Meredith couldn't help but smile. "He failed to mention that you two were dating, though." Kelly smiled slyly.

Meredith's smile faded, however, and her fingers sought the hem of her shirt and began fidgeting with it. "D-Dating?" She stuttered. "We're not... we're not dating." She said quietly, shaking her head.

"You're not?" Kelly frowned.

"No." Meredith replied. "We're just friends."

"Seriously?" Kelly asked, her expression full of surprise.

"Yeah." Meredith confirmed. "There was supposed to be a wedding, but then there wasn't, so I came here and went out, and Derek and I danced together, and then we became friends. There was also a fishing trip and swimming, too, but yeah. We're just friends." She rambled.

"Wait a minute. Derek danced with you?" Kelly asked incredulously.

Meredith frowned, "Well, I know I don't seem very graceful with the counter thing, and the fridge thing, but... I'm not bad of a dancer, really. Especially if there are drinks involved." She rambled again.

"No," Kelly laughed. "I didn't mean... I just," She paused and shook her head. "Derek danced with you?" She asked confusedly.

"Yeah." Meredith nodded.

"And he invited you to play poker with us, too."

"Yeah." Meredith repeated. Obviously one of them was missing something here and Meredith couldn't help but think that it was her.

"Hmm..." Kelly shook her head again. "OK."

Meredith frowned. "Why does that seem so hard to believe?" She asked.

A look of guilt crossed over Kelly's features. "I'm sorry. It's not that it's hard to believe that he would... I mean, Derek's just..." She sighed as she tried to explain things to Meredith. "It's just surprising, that's all." She finally said. "Derek's never brought a girl to poker night."

"I've noticed that Mark hasn't either." Meredith pointed out.

Kelly snickered a little. "There's a reason for that."

"There is?" Meredith asked.

Kelly nodded, a small smile appearing on her lips. "Mark and Molly have a thing for each other. They've never dated, never slept together, but it's just been this ongoing flirtatious thing over the years. They both try to deny it, but everyone knows they want each other. They both date other people, especially around large groups of people, but when it's just our group getting together, they come alone. One of these days..." Kelly trailed off, her eyes completing the rest of the sentence for her.

"Wow. I had no idea." Meredith said. She leaned her back against the cabinet and crossed her arms over her chest.

"They hide it pretty well." Kelly replied with a shrug. "But, Derek... he's another story. He's always come alone. Until you." Kelly smirked at her.

Meredith began to fidget with the hem of her shirt again. "Oh, well... it's not what you think. I mean, we really aren't dating. I think he invited me more out of pity than anything, really. He probably just felt sorry for me because of... well, never mind. He's just trying to include me."

"He likes you." Kelly stated simply.

"Oh, I don't think so." Meredith said quickly.

"You're here." Kelly smiled again. "And he danced with you?"

Meredith's face twisted into a slight grimace. "He didn't ask me to dance. It was more like we... crashed together and had no choice."

"Derek's a very headstrong man, Meredith. If he didn't want to dance with you, he would have let you know. Crash, or no crash."

"It was no big deal, really. It was just dancing. One dance. There was only one dance." She was rambling again.

Kelly shook her head. "This is Derek we're talking about. Derek... does not dance in public. To him, it was a big deal. Trust me."

"But we didn't even know each other." Meredith told her.

"Doesn't matter. He danced with you. And Derek hasn't danced with anyone since..." She stopped talking. She wasn't about to complete that sentence.

"You were going to say since Addison?" Meredith said. She obviously shocked Kelly, because her mouth fell open and she gaped at Meredith. "It's OK. He told me about her."

"He talked to you about Addison?" 

Meredith nodded. "See? We are friends."

Kelly closed her mouth and gave Meredith a friendly smile. "Right." She nodded, and then just slipped out of the kitchen, leaving a still very confused Meredith behind.

Ten minutes later, when Meredith still hadn't returned to the living room, Derek went searching for her. The kitchen was deserted, so he continued on through the house. When he entered the sun room, he looked out onto the back patio and saw a dark figure sitting at the table outside near the swimming pool. He opened the glass doors slowly and stepped out into the night.

"Hey." He said softly as he approached the table and sat down next to her. "You OK?"

Meredith nodded. "I'm good. I just needed a little fresh air."

"Trying to think of a new strategy to win?" He asked with a sly smile.

Meredith laughed a little, but shook her head. "No. I think I'm done for the night."

After her conversation with Kelly, Meredith had a million and one thoughts running through her mind. She thought about everything Kelly had said about Derek, and she just needed to time to process everything. There was an attraction between them, she couldn't deny that. The attraction had been there instantly, from the moment they met on the dance floor. She just didn't understand what it meant, or what she should do with it. And there was no way she was going to be able to concentrate on a poker game, especially if Derek was going to continue to lean against her and whisper in her ear like that.

She had come out here to think, but Derek, of course, had found her and was now sitting just as close as he had been inside. Such an intrusion into her thinking time should have probably made her feel annoyed, but she felt just the opposite. Derek's presence actually seemed to calm her down and all anxious thoughts about what might be going on between them seemed to come to an abrupt stop. A warmness surrounded her, and it had nothing to do with the summer's night air.

"You mean to tell me that you're not going to let me win your money?" Derek was teasing her. She turned her head to face him just as he smiled warmly and tugged at her hand playfully.

Meredith didn't answer him, but she smiled back and let her fingers entwine with his. Her hand felt so tiny within his hand, and the warmth that radiated there, seemed to soak both of them to the bone. She scooted over in her chair and silently placed her head on his shoulder. Derek was taken aback by her gestures, but he didn't dare move a muscle. There was obviously something on her mind at the moment, and whatever it was, it was something that was making her feel like she needed more than just a friendly smile or a subtle joke. So, he continued to hold her hand in silent support as she worked through whatever was on her mind.

_You mean you're not going to let me win your money?_ Derek's question lingered in her mind as she stared up at the night sky. She thought about the first night they met and the dance they shared. She thought about the fishing trip and the all night conversation that they had under that big oak tree. She thought about two weeks ago, when he had thrown her into the pool. She thought about all of the smiles and the looks he had been giving her over the past month, the small subtle gestures he had given her, the respectful distance that he had placed between them so that she could sort out the mess that her life had become.

All of these thoughts filled her mind and made her heart swell to unbelievable proportions. Meredith silently placed her free hand against Derek's bicep and squeezed it lightly as she snuggled further against him. _No,_ she thought, _I'm not going to let him win my money... because I think he might be trying to win my heart._


End file.
